rebuilding

Monday, October 26, 2015 (6:10 a.m.)

Blessed, Holy God,

I am confessing to You that I feel a huge sense of sadness right now and I'm judging myself unmercifully for it. I'm looking to You to right my thinking.

Thank You Father. Thank You that we even get to bring our sadness to You. It is honestly what I have right now. Thank You that I'd rather be open with You about what I'm feeling than try to run from it like I've done in the past.

I love You God. I like to try and show You my better side. Thank You that You accept all of me. Thank You that I get to smile at thinking that You love and accept all of me. You are SO much bigger, better and far more wonderful than I can even begin to imagine.

(7:24 a.m.)

More than an hour of searching. Avoiding. Coming back. Trying again.

I started by looking for a song we sang in church yesterday. Thank You for allowing me the satisfaction of not giving up until I found it. Thank You for the numerous versions of ♫Glory to the King♫ I came across before finally discovering the one by Chris Lizotte. Thank You God, thank You VERY much!

Thank You that in the process of awakening this morning I've been able to see bright stars straight up in the darkened sky. The brilliance of a near full moon to the west. Unusually staggered planets high to the east. Followed by beautiful pinks and oranges on the horizon.

Still I confess the remnants of the sadness remains. But I know You to be our good and awesome God, so I am willing to accept it. For now. Until it lifts. I won't fight it. Try to understand, explain or change it. Just let it be what it is. A feeling.

And in so doing I read of the sadness Nehemiah experienced over his concern for Jerusalem. It was this same sadness King Artaxerxes noticed (2:2) that allowed Nehemiah to oversee “the rebuilding of the wall of Jerusalem and the continued spiritual rebuilding of the people” (THE BOTTOM LINE The Life Recovery Bible).

Blessed Father, I look to You with awe and wonder. I give to You these feelings and ask (Matthew 7:7) only that You would use me as You wish this day. Let my heart, soul, mind and strength love (Mark 12:30) as You would have me love. I am Yours and I long to reflect the love You have for each of us.

It is in Your love and in Your Son's most holy name that I ask that You would work in and through, by, with and for us this day. I love You, Father. Rebuild us as only You are able. Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(474 words ~ 8:46 a.m.)