the greatest gift of Easter is hope

Easter Monday, April 6, 2015 (8:30 a.m.)

Awesome, Holy, Loving God,

Thank You! Thank You for knowing me. Thank You for loving me. Thank You for supplying me with the biggest piece of hope I've experienced in quite some time.

You know my thoughts. My doubts. The things I struggle with inwardly. Too ashamed and embarrassed to say them out loud. You know the conflict I've had recently with the amount of hope I truly don't have.

I am deeply aware of the blessings. The kindnesses. Mercy. Grace. Sacrifice. You've provided them all. I am absolutely, truly grateful for them. Yet I balk at hoping for more. Better. Different.

You are good. I know that. I trust and believe it. You not only know our every need, You provide for them. Thank You Father. Thank You that I get to be this honest with You.

Thank You that the guilt I have felt these past months was somewhat assuaged last night by the heart of a pastor in Porter Ranch. Tim Winters of Shepherd Church in the San Fernando Valley summed up my struggle, “If I look around the world today, whether it's in politics or entertainment or wherever I look, I don't see a lot of hope.”

I went back this morning to look at the news broadcast we watched last night [20,000-Person Easter Services Reflect "Immense Significance" of Holiday | NBC Southern California] and wrote out his words. Father, thank You. Thank You for again reminding me that I am not alone in my thinking. My heart hurts so for the world.

Attempting to save myself from the pain of it all, I have played around with just refusing to hope. I've known it not to be a good game. It truly wasn't intentional. You know, far better than I, how much I try to avoid disappointment.

Forgive me Father. As much as I have wrestled with the “two out of three” approach I've been taking with Your Truth of 1 Corinthians 13:13, thank You for the kick in the pants I've needed to come before You asking, “please give me the hope I am missing.”

Yes, Father, I confess to having faith. And love. It's my absence of hope I've been too ashamed to freely admit to You. Thank You for all the work You do in bringing the people and circumstances into our lives that we need to turn back to You with every aspect of our beings.

Father, a huge dose of hope is missing in me. A void that I may have inadvertently created or intensified on my own.

Thank You for reminding me that You are bigger. You are “able to accomplish infinitely more than we could ever dare to ask or hope” (Ephesians 3:20b). Oh glory be to You Blessed God! It is, without a doubt, Your mighty power working in me that is needed.

James (4:1-10) addressed the mistakes we make that often hold us back from a right relationship with You. Thank You for supplying his words to remind me that “When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on Him, He will lift you up and give you honor” (v. 10).

It is not honor that I seek Blessed Father. It is hope! Thank You for a newscaster (Melissa Etezadi)'s words that brought the message back around for me, “A welcoming to everyone and a reminder to all that the greatest gift of Easter is hope.”

Praise You God. Provide for me what I can't manufacture on my own. No matter how hard I try! I love You. I need You. I want You. And I ask You to teach me once again how to hope. Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(626 words ~ 9:55 a.m.)