not yet

 Tuesday, January 26, 2021 (6:49 a.m.)

Holy God,

I’m here. Looking to You Lord. Not yet asking. Hmmm…

That seems to be my favorite phrase of late. “Not yet.”

I continue asking myself if I’m just being stubborn. Using words like brattish. Childish.

How I thank You that I get to wrestle with my thoughts. And wonders. One moment digging my heels into the ground. And the next? Almost ready to say, “Yes Lord.”

Father God, I am truly aware of the blessings You provide us. You are good. And holy. And way more than enough. Yet… I want more.

And there it is. I want more. More blessings. More time. More freedom. While the Truth is, I’m not yet managing well all that You have provided.

So here I am. Stuck in this seemingly endless cycle of whining and complaining. Wanting desperately to be grateful and not yet willing to surrender my own ideas of what being blessed by You looks like.

That is precisely why I’m reading Hebrews 4. When the Promises Are Mixed with Faith (The Message). Promised Rest for God’s People (The Life Recovery Bible). The Faith-Rest Life (The Passion Translation).

This is where my stony heart starts to thaw. A partial smile begins both inwardly and outwardly. Father, I do know You to be good! Fair. And just.

Thank You for allowing me the struggle of believing. And doubting. Trusting. And questioning. Running full speed toward You, only to abruptly stop. Not yet willing to throw caution to the wind and openly praise and worship as You so rightly deserve.

Father God, I do believe. You. Your Word. Your promises. Am I yet willing to drop my guard? I’m getting there. Continuing to work toward trusting, believing, thanking and praising.

Like right now. Reading of myself in The Life Recovery Bible’s comments for this chapter of Truth. “4:1-3 God is always ready, willing and able to fulfill His promises of freedom and rest. Only one thing stops Him - our unbelief or lack of faith.”

See? There I am! “… Recovery is hard, painful work at times. When the going seems the hardest, we must consciously fix our mind on God’s promises. Faith in Christ, not in our own efforts, is the only way to true recovery.”

And therein lies the rub! I keep wanting to look good to others. Continue Your work in making me want to live this day for You.

You provide everything we need. Illustrated Bible Handbook ends “Rest Today; 4:1-12… Jesus does give personal guidance to each believer. If we are to experience the blessings of the Christian life, we need to be obedient to God’s promptings whenever we recognize His voice, believing that there is no problem we face which He cannot solve - and no uncertainty for which He does not have the answer.”

I do believe This Father. And here is another smile.

Prepare me to wholeheartedly counter every single “Not yet” of my heart and mind with Hebrews 4:7 quoting of David’s Psalm 95:7-8. “Today when you hear Him calling, do not harden your hearts against Him.” Also stated as, “Don’t be stubborn.”

Let me stand firmly on Your Truth. Beginning here with verse six. “Come, let us worship and bow down. Let us kneel before the LORD our Maker, for He is our God. We are the people He watches over, the sheep under His care.”

Do all You must. I keep saying this to You. Do I mean it? Yes! I trust You to do all You must. In, with, by, through and for us. Making us into the people You would have us be. Loving. Kind. Honest. Open. Willing. Forgiving. Hopeful. Trusting. Believing. Yours.

Oh yes Father. Make us Yours! This I pray in Your Son’s most holy name. I love You. I need You. I want You. I thank You. And praise You. “Amen! Come, Lord Jesus!” (Revelation 22:20b).

(665 words - 8:49 a.m.)