absolutely grateful

Tuesday, October 14, 2014 (1:39 p.m.)

California Coast

Cruising South toward Santa Barbara

Holy Holy GOD,

I don't have complete thoughts. Or sentences. I feel exhausted. Lazy. Wiped out.

The sea is calm. Sky, cloudy. Air temperature coolish. And I am content to just sit.

But that isn't true is it? There's an inner struggle going on. A part of me shaming the other for not being up and active.

Hmm... up and active. More thinking. Deeper breathing. An actual sliding back down into bed. And guilt. So much guilt for just wanting to be. Here. Alone. Resting. Content.

So. Here I am. Yours. Alone. Secluded. Being still. Wondering. Is this okay? Am I enough? Not doing? Or going? Should I not be up and out there? Isn't there an obligation for me to be doing something?

Oh, but aren't I? Aren't I being grateful? Absolutely grateful to You for this opportunity.

I get to be here. Alone. On my own. With You. Listening. Waiting. Watching. Not rushing. Running off. Hurrying. Busying myself for the sake of being busy.

No. Right now I am content. At peace. Serene. Courageous. Willing to just be. Open to being willing. And honest. With You.

Holy GOD, thank You! Thank You for the opportunity to sit lie here absolutely grateful. With You. With circumstances. With opportunities.

All that being said and felt, how I ask You to use me this day exactly as You wish. Do in and with, by, and through me all that You want. Keep up the incredible work You are doing that is ultimately allowing me to be absolutely grateful for the privilege of resting, reflecting and being still enough to know that You indeed are GOD (Psalm 46:10a).

I love You so very much most dear and faithful Father. Use me however You must to point You out to others. Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(319 words ~ 2:54 p.m.)