confession of powerlessness

Mardi Gras Tuesday, February 9, 2016 (6:29 a.m.)

Holiest God,

I made a mistake. Rather than come straight to You, thanking and praising You for very deep, easy, restful sleep, I started searching things on the internet. Big mistake. Huge. I am now in tears. There is such sadness in my heart.

Today is Mardi Gras. Fat Tuesday. For many it's a day of great revelry. For me? I'm again overcome by sorrow. Always it is the reminder of a dear nephew's Ash Wednesday passing. Father, I turn again to You.

I have the choice. I get to choose. I can think of the sadness and loss. Or I can remember better times. Blessed Father, even as I consider looking in the direction of the better I confess great heartache there as well.

Father, You know far better than I the resentment I hold in my heart for those I consider to be mean, despicable people. Forgive me I pray that I would in turn forgive. Here again I start to ready myself. I begin to thank You and praise You, only to begin building my case against those I judge as vile and cruel.

Wow! Such a huge degree of unpleasantness I harbor. Here I ask You Father, break my heart of stone (Ezekiel 36:26). This grudge I hold serves no one well. I look to You Dearest God. Asking, seeking, knocking (Matthew 7:7). And yes. Confessing my powerlessness.

Most Holy God, I am powerless to forgive on my own. I've tried. I've prayed. But have I ever truly confessed to You the disdain, the near hatred, I feel toward a family that I believe has hurt my own so much through the years?

I do that with You now Blessed God. I ask You to forgive me for my own unwillingness to let go of the pain I continue to hold. Teach me to love those I deem completely unworthy. I love You God. And in loving You, I have always known I must also love “them”. Do in, with, by, for and through me that which I absolutely cannot do on my own.

Manifest Your message to Ezekiel (36:24-28, The Message) for the exiled Jews through me this day. “For here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to take you out of these countries, gather you from all over, and bring you back to your own land. I'll pour water over you and scrub you clean. I'll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I'll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that's God-willed, not self-willed. I'll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands. You'll once again live in the land I gave your ancestors. You'll be my people! I'll be your God!”

Oh, yes. Blessed Father, do all You must that I can truly love as You would have me love and live as You would have me live. I love You. I ask You. I praise You. And I thank You. Amen.

(523 words ~ 7:36 a.m.)