in Truth

Tuesday, July 7, 2015 (1:58 p.m.)

Blessed Father God,

I realized something today. My spirit is broken. Which on one hand might be a good thing, because I'd MUCH rather have Your Spirit than mine any day. But on the other hand, I see myself so very less joyful than ever before.

I woke up reciting the first part of the original Serenity Prayer. You know? The one asking You to grant me the grace to accept with serenity that which I cannot change, the courage to change that which I ought and wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

I followed that with the Lord's Prayer. Calling out to You, “Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil for Thine is the Kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.”

After that came wonders of other translations. And the TRUTH between feelings and facts. Just because I FEEL sad does not mean I AM sad.

In Truth, I am blessed! Loved.

But then come the “shoulds”. If I'm so blessed and so loved shouldn't I be joyful as well? And that leads me to wonder where did all the joy go? Did I ever really have it anyway? What's real?

And again I turn to Your Word. Finding my joy in the lament of Your prophet Jeremiah.

Blessed Father, how I thank You for providing for my every need. Thank You for meeting me here in the introduction of Lamentations.

“Jeremiah didn't mince his words or hide his pain. He wept openly and fully. His example can help us as we grieve our own losses.”

And with that Blessed Lord I am full on confessing to You my own loss of hope.

I look around me and see sadnesses. Frustrations. Decline.

As I continue reading this book's intro I am somewhat heartened by this Truth, “Lamentations does not provide pat answers for the suffering we experience in life. As we read, we discover that it is all right to be real, to be angry with God, to be disappointed with life, and to despair about what tomorrow holds for us.”

Thank You for this Truth Father. We are SAFE in You. With You.

“Jeremiah gained comfort as he honestly told God how he hurt. God accepted Jeremiah as he was – angry, tired, and discouraged.”

Blessed Father, my joy is found in these words – penned thousands of years before I ever had need of them. “Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is His faithfulness. His mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my inheritance, therefore, I will hope in Him!'” (Lamentations 3:21-24)

So here we have it Father. Me judging myself unmercifully for not feeling happy and joyful enough in comparison to the immense blessings You have provided us. Here I give You a bag full of shoulds and doubts.

I believe You to be “strong enough to lift our burdens and loving enough to mend our broken heart” (The Life Recovery Bible Hope).

Thank You Blessed Father for Your mercy and Your grace. Thank You for Your unfailing, never ending love for each of us. Thank You that at no time is it ever based on our deserving it.

You are good. You are kind. And I truly want to be all that You would have me be. Created in Your image (Genesis 1:26). Do all You must in helping me 'overcome the setbacks and gain a new perspective' (TLRB Lamentations 3:21-26 comment) on the life You would have me live.

I love You Father. And I genuinely long to be joyful and loving again. You can make it so. I ask (Matthew 7:7) You because I trust You (Proverbs 3:5-6). Thank You Father. I love You. Amen.

(700 words ~ 3:07 p.m.)