combat fatigue

Wednesday, July 29, 2015 (6:34 a.m.)

Blessed Father,

Thank You. I feel tired. And emotional. There was sleep. Rest. Yet here I sit. Seemingly only half awake. Talk with me, will You.

Yesterday we took a day trip to the beach. With two preschoolers in tow. Fun was had. Much prep work in advance paid off handsomely. Yet I feel shell shocked.

Ah... a smile. Real. Genuine. Authentic. Thank You Father.

An alternative for the phrase shell shocked is combat fatigue. Believe it or not, that very nearly represents my current run with exhaustion. Vacation plans were well executed. Several consecutive days of overnight childcare went well. Big news of upcoming changes are being welcomed and discussed.

Oh, but my heart, my heart is feeling set aside. For protection. Last night I read Oliver Jeffers' book The Heart and The Bottle and I cried. Much as I am now. Tears that want to fall. Yet stay pooled until just the right moment. Like this.

Father, thank You for giving us such a wide range of emotions. Must I feel them all at one time?

(8:05 a.m.)

Blessed Father, I ask You to guide me in Your Word right now. I don't know where to look. How to find all that You have for me. I want very much to not attempt putting my heart in a bottle for safe keeping. Teach me again how to risk feeling.