bless not curse

Monday, July 29, 2019 (4:03 a.m.)

Most Holy God,

I’m saying thank You ‘cause I’m supposed to. What I really want to do is keep complaining in my head about poor me. I’m not understood. I feel this, that and something else. But what I’m supposed to do is praise and thank You.

So with that bit of information, where do we go from here? I keep playing the unnecessary card in my mind. Confused. Annoyed. Unloved. Unneeded. The list could go on ad infinitum. Ad nauseam.

(9:49 a.m.)

And with that I escaped into games, stories, photos, messages and a little bit of sleep.

I confess to wrestling with You Lord. Knowing what You have called me to do. FORGIVE! [ARGH!!!]

It’s really truly hard for me to continue arguing with Your Truth. I agree that I am to be loving. And I am… when it’s easy. When it doesn’t cost much.

But let things go awry. Let my apple cart get upset. How obedient am I then? That’s when my attitude changes. The language and tone of voice turn.

And here’s another giant ARGH! Always Revere God’s Holiness. Not sometimes, always. It seems like such a tall order when I’m attempting it in my own power.

So let me try again. I can’t. You can. I’ll let You. Yes. It’s true. As long as I keep arguing my case with You, we’ll never get past it. It’s when I bow to Your Word, Your will, Your way that You can begin Your transforming work on my heart, soul, mind and strength.

Father God, thank You for Your willingness to work in each of us. By, through and for us. You alone are good. Holy. Almighty. All knowing. And our job is to trust and obey. Thank You Father. Thank You.

Thank You that Your Word speaks to us. Thank You for giving us ears and hearts to hear.

Luke 6:28, “Ask God to bless those who say bad things to you. Pray for those who are cruel [mean] to you” (International Children’s Bible). Tall order God.

The Life Recovery Bible devotional entitled Forgiveness (Luke 6:27-36) tells us, “We no longer need to be controlled by other people’s dispositions and actions. Even when we have done our best… the situation… and our feelings may not change. But…”

And here I lean in for particularly strong emphasis… “B-U-T we don’t have to be held captive by our feelings or the feelings of others. We can choose to forgive and act in loving ways. This will free us from being controlled by anyone other than God. As we choose to forgive others and do good, our feelings will change with time.”

Holy God, I thank You so incredibly much. Your Word is Truth.

Hebrews 4:12, “For whatever God says to us is full of living power: it is sharper than the sharpest dagger, cutting swift and deep into our innermost thoughts and desires with all their parts, exposing us for what we really are.” True. True. True!

Thank You Father. Thank You for speaking to me in so many ways. My bad behavior, grudge holding and resentment is exhausting. And sinful.

Colossians 3:7-9, “You used to do these sins when you lived that kind of life. Put out of your life these things also: anger, bad temper, bad feelings toward others, talk that hurts people, speaking against God, and dirty talk. Do not lie to each other. You have put out of your life your old ways” (New Life Version).

It’s true Father. I have put these things out of my life. And how quickly they come right back in!

Just like Your Word says. “Be careful! Watch out for attacks from the devil, your great enemy. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Take a firm stand against him and be strong in your faith (1 Peter 5:8-9a).

I know better Lord. You have raised me better than this. Forgive this most recent slide back down into old patterns and behaviors.

I love You. I long to serve You. And I ask You to renew Your perfecting, purifying work in my life. Do all You must, Blessed God. All You know is best. Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(728 words ~ 11:21 a.m.)