not quite

Saturday, October 13, 2012 (8:37 a.m.)

Father, Son, Holy Ghost,

To whom do I address my heart this day? I've been thinking so much of the morning about things not quite being what I expected through the years. Not quite? Who am I kidding! Father, MOST things aren't the way I thought they would be.

Thankfully we have YOU ~ in the form of The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit. “You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in Your book!” (Psalm 139:16)

(10:57 a.m.)

Two hours and one phone call later and again I'm wondering, what am I not quite getting? I start to feel hopeful and then “BAM!” I'm back to confused. Discontent. Uncomfortable in my own skin...

Then I read the first sentence of a Serenity Prayer Devotional for Psalm 139: 1-16. “Perhaps we spend our energy and time trying to be what someone else wants us to be because we feel that who we are is not enough.” Well, hello!

There once was a time I felt so hopeful. Not only am I not quite there anymore, I am not at all there!

Father! (Son, Holy Spirit) Blessed Three-In-One ~ cover me. Bless me. Remember me. Move me. Change me.

Help me embrace Your Truth. The Truth found in Your Word. TRUTH! All the thoughts that scramble around in my brain are NOT Your Truth.

Your Truth tells me that “You have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit or stand. When far away You know my every thought” (Psalm 139:1-2). I believe this Father.

Because I believe what I WANT to believe, I am asking You Blessed Redeemer, to help me TRUST the Truth found in the next three verses. “You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment You know where I am. You know what I am going to say before I even say it. You both precede and follow me and place Your hand of blessing on my head.”

Maybe, just maybe, verse six describes me more than I first thought. “This is too glorious, too wonderful to believe!” And the perfect question to ask here is ~ do I believe it? Honest answer ~ not quite!

You know my mind, my heart, my soul and my strength. You know my thoughts, doubts, questions, hopes, dreams, flaws and failings. You know... Why, may I ask, does that not seem to be enough for me?

I can ask 'til the cows come home. OR I can choose to trust and believe You. And that I do! I choose to believe verse fourteen. “I will praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” I can doubt this or trust it.

In my willingness to trust and believe YOU I so very humbly ask You Blessed Three-In-One to “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test my thoughts. Point out anything You find in me that makes You sad, and lead me along the path of everlasting life” (vs. 23-24).

By so doing, I get to go from not quite to just right. Thank You Father. Thank You Son. Thank You Holy Spirit. I love You. I thank You. Amen.

(559 words ~ 12:37 p.m.)