abide

Monday, October 25, 2010 (9:42 a.m.)

Blessed, Blessed Lord,

I can’t see the keyboard because of the tears. It was still dark out when I began wondering what You would have for me this morning. In fact, it was as I struggled to fall asleep last night that I first considered how honest I would be with You here today.

Thank You that I get to be completely honest Lord! You know what’s going on in my heart, my soul, my mind and my strength far better than I do. You know the doubts, the wonders, the fears and the disappointments. Can it all be traced back to grief? Tapped or untapped sadness over people and circumstances missed? I don’t know. But You do!

You are God. And You are good and I get to be completely honest with You and say things like, ‘I feel sad’. I don’t feel like myself. I used to think and feel and be and do things so differently.

And here comes Your glorious Good News Lord. Found for me this morning in the Book of John. I am to abide in You. I confess I don’t know the first thing about how to actually do that. I’ve tried. I’ve thought I was. But with the struggle and inner turmoil I’ve been experiencing because things in this world just aren’t what I always thought they were [or could be with enough effort on my part!] again I confess that I have stepped back into being afraid. Of everything! People. Places. Things. Not measuring up. Not being enough. Not doing enough. You name it, I’ll figure out a way to fear it. [Very funny side note: the extremely dear husband just pointed out that he doesn’t want me to be afraid of nouns and verbs J]

Thank You Lord that You came into this world to release us from the strangleholds satan had set for us. Thank You that You are the Light to his darkness (John 12:46). Thank You that You ARE the Way, the Truth and the Life (John 14:6). Thank You that You came to give life abundantly (John 10:10).

Lord, I confess to trying to hide from You in plain sight. As ridiculous as it is, I was afraid to confess to the sadness and loss and fear because You have blessed me so much that I thought I would appear ungrateful. Thank You Lord that I get to just pour out my heart and confusion to You. And in doing exactly that I am able to laugh out loud at my own distortions of reality.

Through the years I have honestly believed that I knew so much truth. And that is just what it has been – truth with a small t! When I come to Your Word ~ tearfully, honestly, openly, I get to catch another glimpse of Your greatness! YOU are Truth [with a capital T]! YOU are what is real.

Thank You Lord that repeatedly this morning I am reminded of the importance of abiding in You. Thank You too for the new to me understanding of the word ‘abide’. It doesn’t just mean ‘live’ as I have thought all these years. No. “Comply with, obey, follow, keep to, hold to, conform to, adhere to, stick to, bear, stand, endure, make at home”. That one word says a mouth full Lord! Wow! Hold to You? Stand in You? Endure in You? Make myself at home in You? Yes Lord. Sign me up!

Thank You that I not only get to be honest with You Lord, but that I get to struggle in that honesty. Your Word promises, “If you abide in My Word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall make you free” (John 8:31-32). Blessed Lord, thank You!

Believe in You and not abide in darkness (John 12:46). Loving You, I am to keep Your commandments and You will pray the Father to give me another Helper, that He may abide with me forever (John 14:16). I am to abide in You and You will abide in me (John 15:4). Abiding in You, Your words abide in me (John 15:7). As the Father loved You, You also have loved me; [and here’s the ‘kicker’! I get to] abide in Your love (John 15:9).

It all seems too much Dearest Lord! Ah, but it is exactly enough. Just like You. Perfect. In every way!

Thank You for loving me. Thank You for calling me to honesty. Thank You for this lesson on what it truly means to abide, in YOU! I love You so very much. Amen.

(775 words ~ 12:49 p.m.)