cross

Friday, December 9, 2016 (7:33 a.m.)

Blessed, Holy God,

I failed. Again!

Cross words led to silence. A minor misunderstanding has become a major blowup. Why? Because I refuse to forgive.

Thank You that I can practice my ridiculousness on You before I drop the iron guard I have placed around myself.

Father, You are so good and I am so grateful to be allowed in Your presence exactly as I am. I honestly feel myself softening. A bit.

Take the word I used earlier... cross. I used it as an adjective. Describing having been annoyed. Irritated. Angry.

I had completely forgotten its use as a noun. Especially with a capital C. Usually preceded by the definite article “The”.

Talk about humbling me back out of myself. Thank You Father.

Thank You that You will use whatever You must to bring me back to obedience to Your Word. It's not enough that I know how or what I am to do or say. No, no. I must actually do all You command.

Forgive? “But what about...?” It doesn't matter. Forgive anyway.

“But, I...” And I sound exactly like a three year old we love.

Mm. And there it is. Love.

Love? “I don't feel like loving.” Love anyway.

Yes. You are right. As always!

Thank You Father that I can tie myself up into all kinds of knots and You are not put off by them. You do indeed know best.

There is a song singing itself to me. We sing it in church. It has to do with The Cross. I can't find it in my searching. Please help me as You always do.

Matt Redman. “For the Cross”.

(9:28 a.m.)

Blessed Jesus,

I can't even begin to describe the back and forth I'm doing here. I start to make progress in my thinking and my doing. Then CRASH! Four steps back. The childhood Chutes and Ladders game at my worst!

Forgive me. Again!

My feelings got hurt and “Waa, waa, waa”, I want understanding. Or revenge. This is absolutely NOT why You came!

♫You came into a world of shame And paid the price we could not pay Death that brought me life Blood that brought me home... And I love You for Cross I'm overwhelmed by the mystery I love You for the cost That Jesus You would do this for me♫

I believe it as I sing it. And as soon as I'm confronted with discord, BAM! I want to make somebody “pay”!

Forgive me. Yet again!

Oh. I'm starting to see just how very much I need Your forgiveness that I would willingly offer it to another.

Jesus, thank You for Your life. Your willingness. Your suffering. On my behalf. Forgive me for not taking it all as personally as I would like. I tend to push You away. I know I do. Again, forgive me!

♫When You were broken, You were beaten You were punished, I go free When You were wounded and rejected In Your mercy I am healed, I am healed♫

How I ask that You would live this day in and through me.

♫Jesus Christ the sinners friend Does this kindness know no bounds With Your precious blood You have purchased me Oh the mystery of the Cross You were punished You were crushed But that punishment has become my peace Yes that punishment has become my peace♫

Hmm... There's already been the perfect punishment. I can never make another “pay” enough. I have to forgive. And forgive. And forgive again. I need You for that. Teach me. Empower and enable me to do that which I cannot, and often times do not desire, to do. Yes!

♫I will love You for the Cross And I will love You for the cost Man of sufferings, Bringer of my peace♫

Powerful, powerful Truth here. Do all You must in changing me to reflect You more clearly. I love You Jesus. Thank You for Your cost. Thank You for Your cross! Amen.

(674 words ~ 10:16 a.m.)