implementation

Wednesday, March 9, 2016 (5:53 a.m.)

Holy God,

I just got a HUGE flash of fear. My whole being wants to be angry and throw around my own will. Thoughts of stomping my foot and just showing up on someone's doorstep unannounced are countered only by thinking of calling to cancel a previously scheduled meeting. And this is friendship? I don't think so.

Father, I'm turning to You. Confessing a myriad of emotions. Anger being the first. Immediately I remember that anger is easy and covers a multitude of feelings. Help me look under the irritation to the pleasure and good humor [antonyms].

Holy God, this is big stuff. I've been living inside my head for over a week now anticipating all the directions a much needed conversation could possibly go. I don't want to be afraid. I long for the courage to speak Your Truth in love, without the slightest hint of my own opinion or frustration.

I confess to You right now, I don't think I know how to do that. I love You Father. Plain and simple. And everything inside me wants desperately to turn tail and run. I don't want to be involved. My heart is racing. My head is pounding and I just want out.

This is all not safe for me. It's uncharted territory. I surrender it all up to You Blessed Father. My thoughts. My hopes. My what ifs. My he saids and she saids. And yes, my tears. Especially the tears.

I don't like to hurt people. There's a bitterness brewing and I'm embarrassed and ashamed of it. All the “I'll show her”s of my past life are wanting desperately to rear their ugly heads. So again I ask, Blessed Father please guide and direct me in Your Word.

Holy God, how I thank You. Thank You for allowing me to come before You with all of my hurts and hopes. Thank You that I don't have to run off in any direction other than straight to You. Thank You that I trust You to guide every single part of my life.

Thank You for the opportunity of letting my Life Recovery Bible just fall open to what You would have me read this morning. David Confesses His Guilt (2 Samuel 12:13-25). From there I turn to Illustrated Bible Handbook and learn even more.

Holiest God how I thank You for calming my spirit. Reading and learning lead to implementation and that is exactly what I ask You right now. Teach me to use Your Word, Your Truth and Your promises to Your good and to Your glory.

I trust You Father. I need You. I depend on You. And I ask You to guide and direct my heart, my soul, my mind and my strength in loving You, others and myself as You would have me love (Mark 12:30-31).

I look to You for guidance and courage. I love You. I thank You. And I look for Your leading. Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(504 words ~ 6:51 a.m.)