honest

Saturday, December 5, 2015 (3:06 p.m.)

Honest.

I'm going to practice being honest right now. Hard honest. Real honest. Help me get my head around what I want to say to You right now.

Blessed God,

Yes. You are blessed and You are God. Thank You. Thank You that those two are still true. Thank You that as I continue I will find even more that is still true. You are good. Faithful. Loving. Kind.

And there is horrible, ridiculous violence in the world. Thank You Father that the insanity of it all has to hurt You WAY worse than it does any of the rest of us.

I wasn't going to come here with You today. I thought about it earlier and I passed. Just now I thought of it again and also considered passing once more. Thank You that I didn't.

Thank You that I knew I needed to come say something to You. Even if it was wrong. Which causes me to wonder... is anything we say to You actually wrong? Are we truly free to say things like, “Hey God? What's going on here?”

Is it okay that what I truly wanted to say is, “HEY! A little mad here!” Immediately I found myself wondering if I wasn't really sad instead.

YOU know our hearts. Our souls, minds and strength. You know each of us far better than we will ever know ourselves or one another.

“Senseless tragedy” comes to mind. All the strife. Hostility. 'Bitter disagreement over fundamental issues.' I don't understand any of it Father. It all hurts.

Just being able to be completely honest and say, “Dad, I'm sad.” Not mad. Sad. Help us Father. Show us all what to do with our helplessness.