Forgiving God

Thursday, April 3, 2014 (7:09 a.m.)

Most Holy, Loving, Forgiving God,

Mm, yes. Forgiving. As in, forgive me please. Even here, Your Word moves me to tears. I forsook You yesterday. Left you high and dry. Sadness being my feeble excuse. Disappointing, frustrating, worrisome sadness.

So I refused to come before You. I made one dispirited attempt yesterday and then decided no. I didn't want to. And then I made every effort to ignore You and everything You stand for the rest of the day.

I am messed up Father! Truly messed up. BUT... You are good. Holy. Patient. All-knowing. All forgiving. And I get to come here searching Your Word and be immediately reminded that 'the joy of the Lord is my strength' (Nehemiah 8:10b).

Yep. That's You. More than an hour ago You reminded me that once again I've fallen back into trying to live each day in my own power. Very clearly I remember the importance of Wearing the Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-17) each day. I had forgotten. Completely.

And right now, looking to Your Word, I read again what I had underlined several years ago. Paul's letter intended “to strengthen the believers in Ephesus in their relationship with God and with each other” (The Life Recovery Bible). “Last of all I want to remind you that your strength must come from the Lord's mighty power within you” (Ephesians 6:10).

Yeah, I had forgotten. Again! Thank You for reminding me to 'put on all of Your armor so that I will be able to stand safe against all strategies and tricks of satan' (11). There I've been, cowering in my pajamas instead of standing safe in Your armor.

Thank You. Thank You for continuing to love me in spite of myself. Thank You for guiding my thoughts. Steering me toward titles such as Facing the Sadness. I confess. I keep trying to ignore it. Pretend it away.

The final sentence in a Step 4 devotional affirms Your Truth. “This joy [of the Lord that is my strength] comes from recognizing, even celebrating, God's ability to bring us out of bondage and to care for us as we pass through the sadness toward a new way of life.”

This idea is foreign to me Father. I don't have a solid footing of living each day in Your strength. Thank You that You are our forgiving God.

(2:15 p.m.)

I get to be reminded of just how powerful, loving and kind You really are as I read about Your forgiving nature in the words of Nehemiah (9:6-38) as he quoted Ezra's prayer to You.

Ezra began by acknowledging that “You alone are God”. He went on to recite Your making and preserving “the skies and heavens, the earth and the seas, and everything in them” (v. 6) as well as great details of the lives of Your followers throughout the years.

He didn't shy away from their failings, nor of Your provisions. “But they, our ancestors, were arrogant; bullheaded, they wouldn't obey Your commands. They turned a deaf ear, they refused to remember the miracles You had done for them; They turned stubborn, got it into their heads to return to their Egyptian slavery. And You, a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, Incredibly patient, with tons of love – You didn't dump them” (vs. 16-17).

Forgiving God and Father, You amaze me. I read these words from all those years ago and I see myself. Bullheaded. Refusing. Stubborn. Work in me Blessed God. Change me right here where I sit.