willing

Saturday, March 8, 2014 (7:48 a.m.)

Primm, NV

(10:09 a.m.)

Awesome God,

Thank You. You made me willing. Willing to come on this trip. Willing to relax. Willing to enjoy time with the husband, as well as with myself. You did this Father. You, working in and through me. Thank You. Thank You for this willingness [the quality or state of being prepared to do something] I had long forgotten.

In this vein I am asking You to create a desire in both of us to learn to discern and abide in Your best for us. You have blessed us with resources. Time. Opportunity. Work in each of us that we would truly become good stewards of them all.

You provided me a gift yesterday. Several of them in fact. And they all stem from the willingness You brought forth in me to accompany this truly loving man on an excursion I absolutely did not want to take.

Tell me Dearest Dad, how many times has my own stubbornness gotten in the way of Your blessings?

(12:23 p.m.)

I am asking You to make me even more willing. Willing to look. To see. To care. To dream. To hope. To ask. To want. Even to risk. Yes Father God, instill in me the wherewithal to risk the disappointments that tend to go hand in hand with every step toward achieving one's goals.

Ah, and therein lies another Truth! I have been refusing to set any goals whatsoever. There is fear of disappointment. Disapproval. Failure. I have been aimlessly going through the motions of living, right there on the very edge of life itself. Wrapped away in fear. Fear of error. Rejection. Disapproval. There's that word again.

Who am I so afraid of disapproving me? Certainly not You! In You I find myself to be acceptable. Crazy as it seems. The God and Creator of the Universe accepts me. LOVES me! Why would I believe that and still live in fear of disappointing and disillusioning those around me?

“If God be for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31)

You, most dear and honorable Father in Heaven, are able to do ANYthing. That I believe!

You presented me yesterday with THE most perfect sweater. The one I've been wanting all these months without my even knowing it. THE perfect sweater, with a serious enough flaw in it to be sold to me at 50% off. A flaw small enough that I just had to pull the thread back in and be willing to live with the resulting line. That I could do. I love that sweater! L-O-V-E it!

I wouldn't have found it, met the sales manager, been able to call her higher-ups to share what a wonderful experience I had shopping in her store had I stayed at home still trying to figure out why in this world the husband wanted to come on what I had deemed this dumb trip in the first place. Father God, Dearest Daddy, YOU are at work here. In ALL of this. Make me aware. Willing. Able to take the risks that will lead to Your glory.

Yeah, sure, hunting for bargains doesn't seem like that big a deal. Especially not for those who love it. Those of whom I am not one. But this trip? This ridiculous trip on which I am learning far more than I ever would have in the safe confinement of my own home. This trip I am learning the fine art of trust. Risk. Belief. Willingness.

Yes! Willingness to risk. To trust. To believe. In who? In You! Thank You Father God. My Lord. My Savior. My All-in-all. Do in and through, by and for me ALL those things I cannot possible do on my own. I no longer want to live in fear. I want to live IN YOU! In You. Through You. By You. For You. Make it so, Blessed God. With every single breath and step I take, make it so!

Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(677 words ~ 1:08 p.m.)