"Unbelievable"

Thursday, March 6, 2014 (6:08 a.m.)

Loving God,

(6:24 a.m.)

Here again. Still with nothing to say.

What's going on? Not even a simple “Thank You”? Yes. I can and DO thank You for that gorgeous moon experience I had last night. Taking the dog out, intentionally searching the sky. Not finding the moon behind the clouds.

Backing up right now to share its importance. Blessed God, You know the significance Ash Wednesday moons play for my brother and myself. It's been seven years since we shared a tragic loss and both took notice of the unique “tea cup” shape that guided our steps that night.

(7:10 a.m.)

I keep working at this. Trying to make sense of it. Instead I stop and confess emotional overload to You. My eyes are stinging with tears. Teeth are clenched with added resolve to keep them from falling. To no avail. Here they are. Slowly rolling down my cheeks as I reach for yet another tissue.

(7:48 a.m.)

Blessed Being,

The emotions rise and fall, ebb and flow. Ah, another reference to the moon. That glorious moon experience. Okay. Taking the gloves off. No holds barred. Gonna sound crazy. Have to let it all out. Father I love You. My heart practically explodes with the thought of all you have afforded us. We have freedoms and opportunities that we don't necessarily use as wisely as I wish we would. There's a love underneath it all that absolutely only comes from You.

A love that satisfies and allows us to just enjoy being with one another and the blessings You have provided us. Blessed God, I wish I could just call You “Dad” and be done with it. It doesn't come naturally. It's way more forced than I'd like. I don't even know that any of it matters.

Ah, and therein lies the Truth. What matters? That's what I keep coming back to in all of the ins and outs of the day. What matters? You do. Your Word. Your Truth. Your promises. The fact that You promised to never leave us nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). And You've kept that promise all through the years. For each person that loves You and knows You as the loving Father/Daddy that You are, You are here for us all.

So emotional wreck that I feel I am, I thank You. I thank You for smiling an “unbelievable” moon at me last night. Looking in the western sky. Wondering what that whiteness was beneath the cloud cover. Standing still enough to watch as the clouds parted and the smile became brighter and brighter. Hearing myself say over and over, “Unbelievable. Really unbelievable.”

Glorious God, Faithful Father, Dearest Daddy, the emotions I am dealing with pinball around from happy to sad. Joyful to sorrow. Riches to loss. And back again. There are anniversaries of deaths which also bring to mind the celebrations of the lives that were lived.

Perhaps, as I retrieve another tissue for wiping and blowing and wiping some more, the feel of my heart breaking can best be viewed as one that is truly cracking open because of the sheer amount of blessings You have provided us. Instead of being afraid that I'm really cracking up, I can rejoice in the fact that You really, truly DO know what You are doing.

You gave me the opportunity to witness an unbelievable view of the moon last night. One I hope will stay with me as an inspiration for those times [like now] when I feel absolutely overcome with emotion. Daddy God [a little forced] use all of my heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30) to bring glory and honor to You this day.

I love You. I long to serve You. And I want to do it well. Make it so Dearest Dad [not as awkward]. Make it so. Thank You for the privilege of coming before You exactly as I am. Fragile. Breakable. Yet completely strong in Your mighty power (Ephesians 6:10).

Thank You, Father. Thank You, Son. Thank You, Holy Spirit. Work in and with, by and through every aspect of me and the time You have allotted us. Thank You. Thank You. I love You. Amen!

(704 words ~ 8:26 a.m.)