unprepared

Sunday, December 27, 2009 (6:19 a.m.)

A little late Lord,

I’m more than a little late in coming here to You. Not the hour of the morning particularly. No. That seems just about perfect. No. I’m more than a little late in bringing You all this fear I’ve been feeling for the past several hours. Just over twelve as a matter of fact.

Thank You that I don’t have to stay afraid, Lord. Thank You that I get to come to You every time for every reason. Thank You that even in my regret of not having come sooner, I can choose to believe that now is the perfect time for me to be here.

Most blessed, Loving Father, You are so good. You offer so much. And I confess to once again trying to fight my fear of the unknown with my own devices.

There is much to do today. We have to fully pack for a week away and I have yet to even start. I feel afraid of the weather Lord. Will it snow on our way? Will I have taken the appropriate items? Will I disappoint someone? Ultimately that is my fear! I’m going to do – or not do something and someone is going to be disappointed with me.

Lord, I haven’t felt like this in quite the long time! And rather than try to outrun or even stand with my head in the sand wanting to ignore it, I’m bringing it to You instead.

Daddy, I feel afraid! I’m not ready. I’m not packed. I don’t know what to take. Somebody is going to get mad. It’s too much. The timing is off. I am unprepared (not ready or able to deal with something). I didn’t do my homework!

Lord. Forgive me for whining. Forgive my cowering. Forgive my focusing on the negative instead of the positives.

I look in Your Word. I get subtle glimpses of hope and then I think of something else and there’s the fear all over again. Circumstances. Situations. Relationships. Dynamics. None of which I can change.

Yes Lord, take me right back to the serenity prayer. Grant me the ‘state of being calm, peaceful and untroubled’ to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Mm. Yes Lord, please. Serenity. Courage. Wisdom. Please. I love You. Thank You. Amen.

(402 words ~ 7:27 a.m.)