hope and joy

Monday, August 29, 2016 (7:39 a.m.)

Blessed Jesus,

I love You. Thank You that that is true. I'm gonna admit, I keep waiting for the miracle. The day I bound out of bed so full of hope and joy. Still isn't happening.

Each day is much the same as the last. Thinking thoughts of despair. Singing songs of hope and joy. Smiling because I do believe what I read and sing.

And here's the deep breath. The reading of Your Truth. The hope. A sense of joy. Romans 15. Your Word promises. I hope. Then doubt. Hope some more. And then feel as though I'm swirling. Sinking. Trying. Treading.

ARGH! Jesus. There is a profound cynicism that follows every smile and deep breath I take. I started out the day by singing, ♫I'm no longer a slave to fear I am a child of God♫ As I continued singing the Truth of the surrounding lines, I actually heard myself counter with, “Yeah. Right. When?”

Is there something inherently wrong with me that instead of building each new day on the Truths learned the day before I insist on arguing. Complaining. Balling my fists and stamping my feet at You?

You have to know how badly I want to live as Your promises say I will. In the very short readings I've done this morning I can no longer find where I read about “waiting patiently for God”. My patient waiting continues being challenged.

Rather than continue searching that statement, I'm asking You to instead fill me with a deeper understanding of verse 13 in Romans chapter 15.

The Voice says, “I pray that God, the source of all hope, will infuse your lives with an abundance of joy and peace in the midst of your faith so that your hope will overflow through the power of the Holy Spirit.”

And The Message, “Oh! May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim with hope!”

Yes. Please. Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(355 words ~ 8:30 a.m.)