You know me!

Thursday, February 19, 2015 (6:34 a.m.)

Awe-some God,

Truly incredible, awe-inspiring, awesome God, I love You.

I am currently experiencing a mess. Not at all what I've expected of myself all these years. But then I look outside. See all You are doing with the morning sky and I remember that You know me (Psalm 139) WAY better than I will ever know myself.

You know me. What comfort I get to take in this!

Reading Your Word I get emotional just thinking of all You do. All You are. You deserve so much more than I am willing to give You!

You deserve my hope. My praise. And I shortchange You. Often.

I KNOW that “Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere” (Psalm 84:10). I know it. I believe it. I trust it. But still I refuse to live it!

I want to analyze it. Prove it. Not risk spinning my wheels uselessly.

So here I am being honest with You again.

~

Five minutes are going to be spent just running my thoughts and not changing back.

I love You. That is true. I want to serve You and I fail. I hate failing. Am I afraid? I don't know I thinks o. I want to think more about You than me. But I don't its always what benefits me not YouI'm sorry. I want to do better. Better[.]Love better Love more? Or just better? I am not working I am not caring I there's the I again Let me make it You. You are ogdd [good]. You are able. You are all the things I can never hope to be. I don't even know if that is scriptural. I am made in Your image Yet I refuse to hope. I gave up hoping. Not for lent. For self preservation. But I am not here to preserve myself. That's Your job and You are REALLY good at You r job whether I let You in or not, that's on me. Ye, You stand at the door and knock (Revelation something [3:20a]) It's up to me to let You in. Open the door

~

Blessed Father God, thank You for letting me ramble. Thank You for loving me in spite of myself. I have a mess. You can help me out of it. I know You can. Please come in (Revelation 3:20b).

Empower me to: 'buy gold from You - gold that has been purified by fire. Then I will be rich. And also buy white garments so I will not be shamed by my nakedness. And buy ointment for my eyes so I will be able to see. You are the One who corrects and disciplines everyone You love' (Revelation 3:18-19a).

Enable me to: 'Be diligent and turn from my indifference' (19b)!