serene hope

Wednesday, August 13, 2014 (7:47 a.m.)

Holy Father,

I've been missing. Absent. Gone. I want very much to be present. Attentive. Alert.

(8:12 a.m.)

And again You don't fail me!

I'm honest with You and You speak to me. LOUDLY, through Your Word!

Thank You Father. Thank You that You love me even (especially!) when I don't/can't love myself.

I've been using the word 'unnecessary' to describe myself lately. Bobbing along without direction. Unwilling to hope or care about surrounding circumstances. It's not that I haven't tried, though I've yet to succeed.

I grumble to You. Snort. Think and behave badly. All the while working hard at not letting much of it show.

Forgive me. You've blessed me far too much to be treated with such disdain. I know that! And here is where the serenity begins...

A Life Recovery Bible Serenity Prayer devotion for Mark 14:3-9. “As we pray the serenity prayer, we learn to think in new ways. We learn to ask questions that lead us away from our destructive past and into a productive future. We begin to ask, What can we change in our situation? What things are beyond our control? What are our responsibilities in the situations we face?”

And just as I think I've read enough, “As we develop these new thought processes, we may lack confidence in our own wisdom and common sense. We may hesitate to carry out God's will if we are afraid of the criticism of the people around us.” Uh, hello!

The self-esteem has plummeted. Self-confidence is practically zero. Yet as I honestly confess this current state to You, I finally feel hope rising. Contemplating there being less of me reminds me there is more room for You.

The Message shares Jesus' words from The Sermon on the Mount by titling the first portion of Matthew 5 (vs. 1-12) quite simply, You're Blessed. His first teachings to those eagerly following Him began plainly enough, “You're blessed when you 're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and His rule.”

Oh Hallelujah! Blessed, Holy God, thank You for reminding throughout this whole current process that I am indeed supremely blessed. This I have not forgotten!

Oh, but not to leave it there. This morning I get to go over to the flip-side of the coin. Jeremiah 17:5-6, “God's Message: 'Cursed is the strong one who depends on mere humans, Who thinks he can make it on muscle alone and sets God aside as dead weight. He's like a tumbleweed on the prairie, out of touch with the good earth. He lives rootless and aimless in a land where nothing grows.'”

And here is where I'm practically too excited to sit still. There's a giant, “AHA!” growing inside that makes this whole time of feeling unnecessary seem more like a time of dormancy.

Finally AGOG enough to once again wholeheartedly say, “Thank You God!” Thank You for taking me from self to You. From aimless, to hopeful. An absolute serene hope that is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness.

Father. Daddy. Thank You.