HOPE!

Monday, August 31, 2009 (6:11 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

Again I wake up saying “Thank You” to You. Thank You for extra rest and this nearly missed colorful sky. Thank You for thoughts of hope and a renewed peacefulness. Thank You for a clearer mind and the immediate finding of the hymn “The Solid Rock” (having not thought to use “The” in searching for it yesterday).

Thank You for the smile that crossed my face just now as I thought of how easily some things are missed. Oh most dear and blessed God, I don’t want to continue missing things. You have provided so much. You bless us continuously, yet I find myself cowering more often than standing firm on Your name.

Lord, I love You so very much. I confess to living fearfully once more. I fell deep again into the trap of being afraid of making mistakes. More than anything else in this world I didn’t want people looking at me and saying how wrong I was, about anything. Yes Lord. I wasn’t concerned about them seeing You in me. No. I didn’t want others seeing me, and how wrong I’ve been about so many things.

Thank You Lord. Thank You for reminding me that I’ve been trying again to build my life on sand (Matthew 7:26, 27) instead of listening to You and following Your instructions (vs. 24, 25).

Thank You for the relative ease with which I just (finally!) found the verse that’s been tentatively starting itself in my mind, before rushing out again.

(12:34 p.m.)

Over six hours and three subject titles later and here You find me hopeful. Truly hopeful for the first time in I don’t remember how long. Listening. Reading. Asking. Searching. Learning. Thinking. Confirming. All lead back to You. My Living Hope!

Thank You Lord! Thank You for words of hope. Songs of hope. Messages of hope. Thank You for a renewed willingness to risk hoping in You.

Blessed Father, I confess to having again placed my hope in people, places and things. Wrong thing to do! “My hope is built on nothing less Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness; I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly lean on Jesus’ name. On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand: All other ground is sinking sand.”

Oh most dear and blessed Lord, how I thank You for reminding me as I seemed to be overcome by the sinking that my faith, my hope, my trust were not in You. Circumstances keep coming along that have knocked me off my proverbial props. Thank You Lord that Your love is far greater than any set of circumstances – no matter how dire or trying.

Thank You Dear Lord for reminding me of the importance of Paul’s words to Timothy (second chapter of his second letter) “O Timothy, my son, be strong with the strength Christ Jesus gives you. For you must teach others those things you and many others have heard me speak about. Teach these great truths to trustworthy men who will, in turn, pass them on to others.

“Take your share of suffering as a good soldier of Jesus Christ, just as I do; and as Christ’s soldier, do not let yourself become tied up in worldly affairs, for then you cannot satisfy the one who has enlisted you in His army. Follow the Lord’s rules for doing His work, just as an athlete either follows the rules or is disqualified and wins no prize. Work hard like a farmer who gets paid well if he raises a large crop. Think over these three illustrations, and may the Lord help you to understand how they apply to you” (vs. 1-7).

Right now oh Lord, I realize how undisciplined I have become. Once again I have allowed circumstances to dictate the care and feeding of myself emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. How can I possibly follow Christ’s mandate (Mark 12:30) that I “shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength” if I am not “determined to run the race that is ahead” (Hebrews 12:1b) keeping my “eyes on Jesus, who leads us and makes our faith complete” (v.2a).

Lord, how I thank You for gentle reminders, huge challenges and all that falls in the middle. You are a good and mighty God. Let me not soon forget that it is in YOU and You alone that I place my faith, my hope and all of my love (1Corinthians 13:13). I love You so much dear Lord. Help me use that love for Your good and Your glory. It is in your Son’s most holy name I pray. Amen.

(785 words ~ 1:45 p.m.)

new day

Sunday, August 30, 2009 (4:59 a.m.)

Beloved God,

Thank You for this new day. Thank You for every single element of hope that is to be found in it.

You are truly amazing God! I fret. I moan. I stew. Tears are shed. Blame is assessed. Judgments passed. And I end up standing before You stripped of all my worldly securities. Yet You continue to offer me the one thing I keep insisting is too risky for me. Hope.

I no longer want to take the chance of disappointment. Everywhere I turn, there’s another one. Yet off in the wings, always, there You are. Beckoning me on.

For so long I have been naïve. Gullible. Over trusting. Easily deceived. Impressionable. Unsuspecting. Now it seems I have gone far off in the opposite direction. I’ve become far too wary. Cautious. Careful. Hyper alert. Watchful. Attentive.

As I continue on this walk with You, I see that those ARE the things You would have me be. Time and again throughout the Bible it is written that we are to “be alert” (Isaiah 21:7, Mark 13:33, Ephesians 6:18, 1 Thessalonians 5:6, 1 Peter 5:8). Thank You Lord that You don’t ever just leave us stranded and on our own.

These past few months have been especially trying and eye opening. I’ve come face-to-face with pronounced discrepancies of what I thought was true and what truth really is. Thank You Lord that You have been fully involved with every step of the reveal. And thank You especially that You are here guiding and directing the healing.

As I continue laying blame on myself for all the things I’ve done wrong. Every conclusion I was so quick to jump to. Here You are (this morning in the book of Zephaniah) ‘shaking the people of Judah out of their complacency and getting them back on the path of recovery’.

Zephaniah 3:5, “The Lord within her is righteous; He does no wrong. Morning by morning He dispenses justice, and every new day He does not fail, yet the unrighteous know no shame.” (Sidebar here Lord – truly, does this mean that the guilt and shame I have been feeling these past days, weeks and months is not only appropriate, but ‘righteous’?)

Lord, how I ask that You would keep working in me. Plucking out every single defect of character that You find unpleasing. You know what You’re going to ultimately end up with. Thank You for that Dear Lord! Thank You that I am not in charge of the final outcome.

Forgive me for the mistakes I’ve made through the years. The things I was so absolutely sure about that have turned out to be so wrong.

Thank You for this glorious brand new day. Complete with its breath taking beauty. I ask that You would make me able to encourage not only myself but others as well to “rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24).

I love You so much Dear Lord. Thank You for loving me. Amen.

(498 words ~ 6:08 a.m.)

Romans 12

Saturday, August 30, 2009 (7:18 a.m.)

Hilton La Jolla Torrey Pines, CA #1048

Awesome God,

Faith. Hope. Love. These three remain (1Corinthians 13:13) Speak to me of these, Oh Lord.

And You do! Romans 12:1 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.” What does all this mean? Of that I am not quite sure ~ yet I read on…

“And do not be conformed to this world (v.2) but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Oh Father, thank You!

Thank You that in this setting: a terraced garden, complete with pillared staircases and spiraling evergreens I hear the sounds of Your birds starting their day. Thank You for such reminders of Your grandeur.

Lord, I confess to feeling lost! Part of myself seems missing. Lord, how I ask that it be a character defect that You Yourself have either completely removed from me, or are in the process of changing to Your good.

Paul continued in his letter to the Romans (12:3) “For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.” Lord, I KNOW You are telling me something here! My heart has quickened ~ my soul is waiting with deep anticipation for the “Aha! Yes Lord ~ I get it. I understand.”

I know You want what is Your best for me. And I believe without hesitation that You know exactly what that is. Help me trust again Lord. The fear and doubt that has been shrouding me is not a good fit. I hate the negative cynicism that accompanies it.

You are so good. You have my back. I want to live each moment as though I truly believe, trust and depend on that.

Reading Paul’s description of the many members of one body (vs. 4-8) I again confess to not knowing where I fall in line with Your spiritual gifts. Here also I ask Your work in me! Keep filling me with Your goodness and Your grace as You continue removing the slag and the dross.

Melt me and mold me. Fill me and use me. I’ve barked up wrong trees for so long Dear Lord ~ get me to where You would have me. Put my focus and my energies exactly where You’d have them. You provide for us so perfectly. Help me to again see evidences of You in my everyday dealings with others.

Help me live the remaining words of this chapter (vs. 9-21) “Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love… Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

I love You so much Dear Lord. And I want to live my life as if this were so. Help me do exactly that. I love You. Amen.

(533 words)

listening

Friday, August 28, 2009 (4:56 a.m.)

Amazing God of Glory,

Holy God. Loving Lord. I confess to being stumped on how to address You this morning. There is a heartfelt sigh that is present. A peace and contentment that’s washed over me in a desire to just sit in Your presence and listen. Not speak.

Mm, Lord. Thank You. Thank You for delicious early morning sounds. The neighborhood is waking up. Cars whiz by on surrounding streets. Doors are opening and closing. A rooster is crowing off in the distance while an occasional dog barks here and there. A cricket just began chirping. The constant ticking of the clocks seem to grow louder and then practically disappear. Trains can be heard, demanding attention.

And I just sit here, waiting to hear from You Oh Lord. Thank You for this honor Lord. This privilege to come before You; waiting, listening. Mm. Speak to me Dear Lord I pray. Let me know Your plan for my day.

Oh most glorious Lord. You do not disappoint! Searching Your Word and finding verse after verse verifying the importance of listening I was encouraged. But it was in continuing my quest to find which song has been in the forefront and background of my mind since beginning to awaken some time ago that’s delighted me.

“How Deep the Father’s Love for Us How vast beyond all measure That He would give His only Son To make a wretch His treasure”. Thank You Lord! Thank You for its persistent strain haunting me to not give up the search.

“How great the pain of searing loss The Father turns His face away As wounds which mar the chosen One Bring many sons to glory”. Lord, I am that wretch that was made Your treasure. Thank You for saving me!

“Behold the Man upon a cross My guilt upon His shoulders Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice Call out among the scoffers”. Lord, as the song’s words ring true in my heart, the sounds of the morning have all but disappeared.

“It was my sin that held Him there Until it was accomplished His dying breath has brought me life I know that it is finished”. Oh most Holy Lord, thank You for such a gift as this.

“I will not boast in anything No gifts, no pow’rs, no wisdom But I will boast in Jesus Christ His death and resurrection”. Thank You Lord. Thank You.

“Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer But this I know with all my heart His wounds have paid my ransom”. Lord, how I ask that You would keep me listening to You all my days. Tune me in to Your frequency Blessed Lord.

I don’t deserve any of all You have given me. Make me truly grateful. Truly Yours. I love You so much Oh Lord and because of Your great love for me, I am listening! I love You Lord. Amen.

(487 words ~ 6:05 a.m.)

Morning Star

Thursday, August 27, 2009 (5:40 a.m.)

Blessed God, Holy Lord,

Thank You. Is this the second, or third day in a row that I have gotten to see the morning star right outside my window? What a blessing Lord. Thank You.

Thank You for the coolness accompanying this early morning. Thank You for deep, restorative sleep. Thank You for the willingness to get up one more time before the sunrise.

I love You so much Lord. And all truth be told, I want to love You more. I want to love (and know) You better. Thank You for this opportunity to be here alone with You. Watching as the morning once again begins to show itself. What a beautiful blessing.

Most Holy God, I want to live this day for You. I long to think the things You’d have me think (and say and do and be). You are such a good and loving God. Thank You.

So, here we are. A brand new day. Another absolutely clean slate. One more opportunity to start afresh. Thank You Lord. Thank You for Your ‘great faithfulness and Your mercies that are new every morning’ (Lamentations 3:23). How blessed I am to be included in Your promises.

Lord, I come before You agog with a new to me truth; You as the Morning Star. I didn’t know Lord. Peter writing in his second letter to Your believers everywhere, “So we have seen and proved that what the prophets said came true. You will do well to pay close attention to everything they have written, for, like lights shining into dark corners, their words help us to understand many things that otherwise would be dark and difficult. But when you consider the wonderful truth of the prophet’s words, then the light will dawn in your souls and Christ the Morning Star will shine in your hearts” (2Peter1:19).

Oh my goodness Lord! What could possibly be better than having Your light dawn in my soul and You, the Morning Star, shining in my heart!

A song I don’t know by Twila Paris says, “Righteous and holy in all of Your ways We come before You with honor and praise Here to adore You for all our days We come before You with honor and praise Lord of the heavens how faithful You are Shine down upon us, oh Bright Morning Star Righteous and holy in all of Your ways We come before You with honor and praise…”

Most blessed and holy Father, work in me deeply that I would truly reflect Your Bright Morning Star. I love You so much Dear Lord. Thank You for another blessed way to start my day. Amen.

(448 words ~ 6:54 a.m.)

clarity

Wednesday, August 26, 2009 (5:31 a.m.)

Gloriously, Awesome God,

Thank You! Thank You for such beauty and joy. Thank You for praise. Thank You for eagerness to be here with You. Thank You for this incredibly clear and starry morning sky. Thank You for a change in my heart and my soul. Thank You for this moment of clarity, where all seems right with the world.

Lord, I know that it is not. All the problems that were here with us yesterday did not miraculously disappear overnight. But this morning is fresh and clear. The sky has turned from dark and star filled to bright with shades of orange that now have faded. It is a new day Lord, and I got to watch it begin. Thank You!

Thank You for yesterday and my husband’s singing of “With a song in my heart, and praise in mouth I will stand to my feet and worship You now Though my strength is gone and I don’t know how, I’m gonna run Holy is the Lamb, worthy is the King of all creation Mighty is, the God, who saved my soul” complete with air guitar strumming. Lord, I have never heard Him sing to You outside of church and I was blessed and encouraged by it. Thank You.

Thank You for last night’s reminder of the song “Broken Hallelujah”. How comforting it is to be able to come before You in brokenness; trusting, depending and relying on Your acceptance of our feeble attempts at praise.

Sitting here with my Bible in my arms and the whole brand new day in front of me, Lord how I thank You for Your generous perfect love. Finding one Old Testament mention of the word ‘clarity’ and one New, Lord I ask that You would use them both in Your shaping of me this day. Exodus 24:10, “and they (Moses, Aaron, Nadab, Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel) saw the God of Israel. And [there was] under His feet as it were a paved work of sapphire stone, and it was like the very heavens in [its] clarity.”

The Life Recovery Bible comment to this says, “One of the best ways for us to see ourselves as we actually are is to gain a clear view of God and His glorious person… One glimpse of God in His awesome glory will heal both our pride and our self-deprecation, giving us a healthy and balanced self-assessment.” Mm, what a promise of hope! Thank You.

1 Corinthians 13:12 reminds me that, “Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then (someday) we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now.” Thank You God that it is not for me to know everything now. Thank You that I am to continue getting to know You more so that ‘someday’ it will all be made clear.

Thank You Lord for this brief moment of truly being agog with You again. I love You so much and absolutely appreciation this tiny glimpse of clarity. Thank You Lord. Amen.

(530 words ~ 6:51 a.m.)

emptied

Tuesday, August 25, 2009 (6:21 a.m.)

Father,

How would You have me come before You this morning? Honest? Asking to be changed? Grumbling? Apprehensive? Fearful. Empty. Void.

Would it be that I could come to You empty this morning Lord? Emptied of expectations and conclusions I have jumped to? Oh that I could be emptied of self and filled with You!

Most blessed Lord and Father God, thank You for waking me up with the melody of ‘The Wonderful Cross’ in my head. For every unwilling feeling I have about being here with You right now, it’s You and Your wonderful cross that has me here. Searching Your Word. Seeking You will.

“When I survey the wondrous cross On which the Prince of Glory died My richest gain I count but loss And pour contempt on all my pride… O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross All who gather here by grace draw near and bless Your name”

Oh dearest Lord, oh that I would truly ‘draw near and bless Your name’! You are so good. “See from His head, His hands, His feet Sorrow and love flow mingled down Did ever such love and sorrow meet Or thorns compose so rich a crown O the wonderful cross…” Such sacrifice I cannot even fathom.

Thank You Jesus. Thank You for all You have done in bringing us to You. My thoughts are filled with so many scenarios that don’t include Your leadership and guidance. I confess Dearest Lord to continuing to anticipate my own will and hidden agenda to be brought to fruition.

I lack trust in You. I keep thinking if I just try something a little harder, all the problems concerning my loved ones will work out fine. “Were the whole realm of nature mine That were an offering far too small Love so amazing, so divine Demands my soul, my life, my all O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live…”

Yes Lord. Let my own selfish desires die and be emptied away that You would be glorified in all I think and pray and say and do. There are worries and concerns over which I have no control that I bring before You O Lord asking Your perfect will. You are mighty. Glorious. Powerful. I am emptied. Asking to be filled with You and by You, that I may truly live. I love You so much Oh Lord. Make me worthy of Your love. Amen.

(436 words ~ 7:20 a.m.)