think

Sunday, June 27, 2010 (7:13 a.m.)

Lord God,

I am looking to You. Asking that You would make me happy. I know. It sounds so selfish. Truth is. I think it’s what I want.

Hmm. Think. Now there’s a word! How often is it that we think we know what it is we want or need. We may even pursue it. Sometimes wholeheartedly. Only to find out that once again we were in error.

Lord, I am feeling at the end of my rope! I have made so many mistakes. Thought I knew what I was doing. Thought I was lining myself up with You and Your best for me. Now I find myself wondering and wandering aimlessly again. Afraid. Not wanting to waste more time. Making more mistakes.

Thank You Lord that I get to come before You confessing all the thoughts my thinking gets me. Asking that You would delete the garbage I’ve taken in. Begging You Lord to reboot my operating system. Yes Lord! “Start and put [ME!] in a state of readiness for operation”

What would it even look like for me to be ‘in a state of readiness for operation’? How desperately I’d like to find out! I love You so much. Yet I have absolutely NOT being living like I do.

Blessed Lord, how I thank You for the way You speak to me - ESPECIALLY when I am hell-bent on avoiding You! Waking up and thinking that I want to be happy was just the tip of me trying to gather my thoughts. First I started out with the tune from I Love the Flower Girl. You know the one. ♫Flowers in her hair, flowers everywhere And I knew (I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew) she could make me happy♫

Almost immediately I went to singing Matthew 6:33 instead. ♫Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness And all these things shall be added unto you Allelu, Alleluia♫ and thinking of the beatitudes.

Lord, I confess to feeling much like a pinball machine this morning. Bouncing from one thought to the next, looking to tilt at any moment. Rather than continuing to think, Lord, what if I just ‘Be still and know that You are God’ (Psalm 46:10)?

Perhaps letting go of my thoughts of wanting to make everybody else happy could release me to let You do Your job. I confess to feeling a lot of angst these days Lord. And You know what? Since it’s truly what I have, I offer it all unto You! Instead of continuing to hold it and try to make it go away on my own. I give it to You. It’s Yours to bless or curse or do what You will. I don’t want it. I don’t need it. YOU are what I want! YOU are what I need! YOU are what I will hold onto!

Thank You Lord. Thank You for blessing me and keeping me and making Your face shine upon me and giving me peace (Number 6:24-26). Take this day Lord and use me in it for Your good and Your glory. Please keep my thinking out of Your way! I love You. Thank You. Amen.

(538 words ~ 8:35 a.m.)