Amazing!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010 (7:06 a.m.)

Amazing!

Amazing God. Amazing Love. Amazing Grace! Thank You Lord that You are so amazing!

No sooner had I confessed the hurts of my heart and my soul yesterday did I recognize that I felt no hunger. I didn’t eat until later in the afternoon when I DID experience it and then I was aware of making healthier choices. Lord God, thank You!

Thank You that as the evening progressed and there was a seemingly ‘safe’ opportunity, I attempted to lovingly express myself about a decision that had been made during the day. All did not go well. Verbal tones became course. Body language changed and eye contact was lost. You kept me calm. I continued my attempt. Some headway was made, only to have my frustration level reach its peak. Right there in the midst of a potential meltdown of old behaviors, I made a decision. I chose life (Deuteronomy 30:19) and went for a walk!

Thank You God! Thank You for the presence of mind to recognize the late evening hour. I changed my clothes to weather and walking appropriateness. I stayed under streetlights and near a large group of people – a lively Vacation Bible School, which helped me smile and relax a bit. I admit the large, charging, barking dog was not to my liking. My decision to stay a great distance away helped. As did my choice to cut the walk shorter than anticipated.

Lord, thank You for my further attempt to resolve my part of the situation. Thank You for the courage to make a needed phone call and the joy that came from it. Thank You also for the inability to make further progress and the inner struggle that ensued as a direct result. Thank You for the gentle refusal of offered chocolate cake and the decision many hours later (when sleep still had not happened) to hold true to that choice.

Lord. You are so good, so ready to help. Even as I type this I recognize my propensity to behave in a certain way today. I could hide my heart and feelings behind a veil of hurt. I don’t want to! I want my heart, mind and soul to continue singing loudly the song that broke through my thoughts at 4:43 this morning. ♫My chains are gone I’ve been set free My God, my Savior has ransomed me And like a flood His mercy rains Unending love, Amazing Grace♫

Even as I sing these words Dear Lord, I recognize my tendency to cower behind not caring. I’ve been looking passed things around here because of the commitment level it takes to work on them. Some subliminal messaging is being attempted through my inactions I am sure. Rather than attempt to justify them in the slightest, I give them wholeheartedly to You. Lord, I ask that You would take my “I don’t care” attitude and replace it with one that does! My chains ARE gone. Help me use my freedom wisely, to make healthier choices, to choose life! I love You Lord. Thank You for all You are and all You do in and through each of us. Amen.

(527 words ~ 7:48 a.m.)