moment of clarity

Saturday, October 24, 2009 (8:47 a.m.)

Oh My Goodness God!

My God. My Lord. My Hope. My Joy. My Love. My Life. My Peace. My Patience. My Kindness. My Goodness (my smile!!! :) YOUR goodness. Your gentleness. Your faithfulness. Your self-control. (Galatians 5: 22,23) All in me!

WOW! Lord! Thank You for “Aha!” moments! Defining moments! Blissful, blessed moments. All orchestrated and created by You. You, the Maker and Creator of the universe. You, the Holy One of Israel.

Lord God, how I thank You. Thank You for an excitement that I have not felt in months. A hope, unlike any other, that assures (convinces, satisfies, persuades, guarantees, promises) me that I no longer have to be afraid!

I felt it yesterday Lord. Right there in the middle of the patio. After the previous day of easy connection with my sweet husband, there we were again in the middle of another misunderstanding. All those seemingly fruitless hours spent framing words ‘just so’ as to not result in yet another blowup.

But this one was different Lord! You were here, right in the midst of our dispute! For the first moment in my entire lifetime of fear-based, calculated attempts at self-preservation You were my moment of clarity. Hours into my pouting at having my way and rhythm of doing things interrupted, I no longer saw my husband as the bad guy I had come to regard him recently.

No. This time, with Your help and guidance, I saw the situation exactly as it was. A muff! (A mistake or failure to catch or receive cleanly) Lord, I experienced Your presence in a way that was tangible. It was clear and definite. I honestly felt as though I had been released from a restraint of chains. I was no longer a little child cowering at the tone of someone’s voice. I was right there, in that moment. Recognizing how I felt and responding appropriately. Amazing, God! You are truly the most amazing and glorious God there could ever be.

Thank You for courage Lord. Courage like I have never known. Courage to confront decades of ineffective responses to challenging circumstances. Lord, I can’t thank You enough for the growth I received in that one particular instance. Instead of withdrawing in the fear of opposition, I stood firm. Because of Your great love for each of us, I was not only able to speak the truth with love (Ephesians 4:15) in that very moment. I saw it! Clearly! I felt it. Experienced it. Knew it as I have never known anything in my life.

And it wasn't just a passing incident. No, Lord. It was like Senor Lopez taught us back in tenth grade Spanish. When we learn a language well enough that we start dreaming in that particular tongue, that’s a sign that we really understand what we are being taught. This morning, waking up again after a brief little snooze, I got to share with my precious husband the most bizarre details of my very first ever dream in Christian!

Lord, thank You for blessing me. Thank You for keeping me. Thank You for making Yourself shine upon me and giving me peace (Numbers 6:24-26). Thank You for reminding me yesterday that Terry did not ‘steal my joy’. No. It was me that forfeited it. In my own childish way of handling constructive criticism, I became angry. I pouted. I stomped and was disagreeable.

Thank You for that one particular moment as I was clearing debris and ranting to You about the unfairness of it all. Thank You that at that very instant You reminded me that You ‘did not give me a spirit of fear, but of love and of power and of a sound mind’ (2Timothy 1:7). It was right then I started processing the whole day through Your lens of love and not my own distorted view.

Lord thank You again for yet another glimpse of grace! You are glorious. Mighty. Powerful. And I love You with my whole heart. Thank You for such a wonderful experience as this. I love You Lord. Amen.

(681 words ~ 11:43 a.m.)