grumble / willing

Thursday, October 15, 2009 (5:25 a.m.)

Grump, growl, grumble, complain…

Blessed Lord, don’t You deserve so much better than that? Help me work on my attitude today, won’t You?

Let’s start off with a loud and hearty, “I LOVE YOU!” Yep! That works! A smile appearing on my face, with a song immediately following ~ ♫ Let’s start at the very beginning A very good place to start. When you read you begin with ‘A, B, C’ When you sing you begin with ‘do re mi’ ♫

Lord, may I please just say “Thank You”? Thank You for loving me, grumbles, growls and all. I DO love You. So very much. Thank You for helping me remember that!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009 (4:24 a.m.)

Yes Lord ~ Blessed Lord! I’ve done it again, haven’t I? I’ve forgotten. I’ve refused. I’ve tried, yet again, with my own resolve. Determined, by my own strength and power, to overcome all feelings of negativity and grumbling before returning here to You. Big mistake! Big. Huge!

Thank You Lord that You are so much bigger than any mistake I can conjure! Thank You that in turning here, once again willing to face You, I was blessed by Your presence. My heart quickened. My soul (as well as my face) smiled. My spirit ~ YOUR Spirit ~ seemed lighter than it has in all of the past five days, ever since I began my original grumble with You.

Thank You Lord. Thank You that I don’t have to have myself all cleaned up and figured out before coming back before You. Sure. There’ve been some half-hearted attempts on my part. Each met with my own decision to just roll over, scrunch my pillow and try to go back to sleep.

Thank You Lord that this morning my desire for time alone together with You was far greater than any grumble or growl could prevent.

Thank You Lord! Thank You for the reminder to ♫ start at the very beginning ♫ Only this morning, my beginning was blessed by my own internal singing of ♫ Ohh praise Him! Ohh praise Him! He is holy! He is holy! ♫

Mm, yes Lord. Thank You. So far, everywhere I’ve turned in Your Word has spoken to me in ways I had refused to consider it would. There is so much comfort to be found here. It’s You. Your Word, Your comfort, Your care I am to put my focus on.

Thank You Lord ♫ La, la, la, la, la, la. Turn your ear To heaven and hear The noise inside The sounds of angels’ awe The sounds of angels’ songs And all this for a King We could join and sing ‘All to Christ our King!’ ♫

All these days I’ve wasted Lord, just muddling through them. ♫ How constant How divine This song of ours will rise… Ohh praise Him! ... ♫ And I refused Your power, Your strength, all the while thinking, “No, no. I must do this on my own. I’m not worthy.”

Thank You Lord for being so much bigger, so much stronger than all the seeds of doubt and reproach satan tries to throw at us. What a genuine blessing to truly have my Dad be so much (infinitely!) better than the father of lies. Thank You Lord.

Thank You Father for the blessings that You bestowed upon me these past few days. Blessings that did not go unnoticed (nor unappreciated). Two days of childcare, with somewhat sick and often resistant kids, complete with a stroller walk through their neighborhood and their willingness to try new to them foods. Extended family joining together at a funeral, celebrating the life of our loved one and learning that Your Word tells us, in John 11 (loosely paraphrased by the attending deacon) that when we grieve, we are to “grieve with hope.” Lord! What an awesome and incredible source of encouragement is that!

Observations of cute babies, loving (and not quite so) couples were later made in an hour-long wait in a Los Angeles government building. “The best $2.00 I (my husband) ever spent”, described a discounted comedy, followed by a somewhat more pricey meal to avoid traffic. A niece’s visit turning out to be her “best pass” home in 19 months. Her son’s very first semi formal dance and every preparation involved with that. All culminating with my brother’s “best birthday in 16 years”!

Lord, thank You for his willingness to spend much of the weekend out of his usual comfort zone – including breakfast here with us on Saturday. With church (all six of us traveling with each other in the van followed by sitting together in the same row, lifting our voices to You) breakfast, errands and Where The Wild Things Are, ending with us all reflecting positively on time well spent together. Thank You Lord. Thank You!

My grumbling has at long last subsided. Replaced once again by the willingness to trust (believe in, lean on) You and Your glorious Word. Lord, thank You. Thank You for the struggle and the strength to wrestle with You until I am spent and willing to concede that “Yes Lord. You ARE in charge. And You DO know what You are doing!”

Thank You Lord. It is so very nice to be truly ‘agog’ with You once again! I love You so much. Thank You. Amen.

(898 words ~ 6:54 a.m.)