rely

Sunday, August 23, 2009 (5:57 a.m.)

Stomp, stamp, whine, grumble, cry, complain...

Pout, praise, proclaim. Deny, rely. Trust. Come to You. Be honest. Be kind. Love. Accept. Adjust. Assist. Acknowledge. Proclaim. Prepare. Announce. Endeavor. Surrender.

Fully Esteem and Revere You Lord.

Precious, Beloved, Capable, Loving Father God,

Thank You. Thank You for allowing me to spew the contents of my mind just now. You are righteous. Glorious. Wonderful. Marvelous. I am behaving badly. Selfish. Spoiled. Not at all Christlike. “But what about me? Why do I have to do all the changing?”

Awesome, wonderful, glorious God, forgive me for my unloving, unkind, uncaring, outburst last night. Forgive me for not trusting You. Forgive me. Forgive.

I love You Lord. I confess to having slipped deep into a hole of quiet contentment. Actually, it’s more like a pit of despair. As long as I continued going along as if everything were fine. As long as I thought the money wouldn’t run out. As long as I could superficially praise and thank You, I could still rely on myself, my own ideas and comfort zone to get me through this next chapter and phase of our life.

NOT! Lord, I confess to You that I am scared. There is quite a long list of things that I want to hold onto and not have to change. You provide our every need. You bask us in great abundance. But still I fear. I like my life as it is. I don’t want to have to accept the fact that I don’t get to keep doing things as I have all these years.

Lord, change my focus for me. Instead of continuing to look on the negatives, help me see the positives. Show me the adventure and opportunity to this latest journey. Make me obedient to Your will and to Your way.

Isaiah 50:10 and 11 are of great help to me this morning, “Who among you fears the Lord and obeys his Servant? If such men walk in darkness, without one ray of light, let them trust the Lord, let them rely upon God. But see here, you who live in your own light and warm yourselves from your own fires and not from God’s; you will live among sorrows.”

I don’t want to live among sorrows God! I want to live in all the fullness You came to give (John 10:10). Let me look to You Oh Lord. “Turn Your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim In the light of His glory and grace.”

I confess Dear Lord, I keep looking at the bumps and the pitfalls. I’ve forgotten what it is to relax in Your loving arms, to trust and rely on Your promises. Forgive me Dear Lord.

And with more tears in my heart and my soul oh Lord may I finally thank You this day for truly another glimpse of Your glory and grace! Deep heaving sobs overtake me again, only this time it is with another promise from Your Word. 1 Timothy 6:17-19, “Tell those who are rich not to be proud and trust in their money, which will soon be gone, but their pride and trust should be in the living God who always richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and should give happily to those in need, always ready to share with others whatever God has given them. By doing this they will be storing up real treasure for themselves in heaven – it is the only safe investment for eternity! And they will be living a fruitful Christian life down here as well.”

Blessed Lord, I can’t even begin to wonder what all You have in store for us, but I do know that I have to stop being afraid of it. Help me fully trust and rely on You oh Lord. Not on the security the world of finance has to offer!

I love You so much Dear Lord. Fill me with Your loving presence this day that I might truly be a blessing to others. I need You so much! Amen.

(711 words ~ 7:01 a.m.)