intentional

Friday, August 7, 2009 (6:16 a.m.)

Loving Lord,

Thank You for the surprises this morning has already brought. The unexpected return of our visiting son, the treasures I am finding in the book of Numbers already this morning. Thank You God, that while I got up expecting to find a quiet, empty house already I’ve been surprised in so many ways.

Beginning with the word ‘intentional’ I was led to the only verse (Numbers 15:25) I could find using it. Digging around this book I find myself feeling challenged, hopeful and distraught all at the same time.

There is talk of Your anger. You are likened to a good parent, who acts out of deep love for his children. Sibling rivalry (Miriam and Aaron’s jealousy toward Moses) is addressed as is the grumbling and complaining of Your people as they continue to rebel against Your plan for them.

I see myself here Lord. I confess to the grumbling I’ve been doing myself these last few days. I keep thinking I’m practicing forgiveness but reading here makes me know that I am only fooling myself. Forgive me, Lord, I pray.

In looking up the meaning of the word distraught, again I see myself. “Deeply upset and agitated: late Middle English origin – alteration of the obsolete adjective distract (from Latin distractus ‘pulled apart’), influenced by straught, archaic past participle of stretch.” Beloved Lord, I confess to feeling ‘stretched’ and ‘pulled apart’.

I confess also to once again falling back into the trap of working so hard at trying to look put together on the outside while not paying full attention at all to what is truly going on inside of me. As You continue Your fining, refining and defining work in me Lord, I do ask for an extra large dose of Your mercy and grace. I truly am a work in Your progress Lord!

All of my own good intentions will not lead me closer to You Dear Lord. Help me become a disciplined, obedient, intentional child of Yours Oh God. I love You so much. Help me please. Amen.

(350 words ~ 7:17 a.m.)