loving

Thursday, August 13, 2009 (7:11 a.m.)

Stubborn. Ill-mannered. Rebellious. Angry. Nasty. Mean… All of these describe me so well right now. An hour and a half I’ve been here and not one kind descriptive word of You comes to mind. Loving. How about that? I’ll start with Loving. Yes.

Loving Lord,

Forgive my childishness. “To You, O Lord, I pray. Don’t fail me, Lord, for I am trusting You. Don’t let my enemies succeed. Don’t give them victory over me.” (Psalm 25:1, 2)

Saturday, August 15, 2009 (7:10 a.m.)

Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes!

Yes! Thank You. Thank You for time and conviction to be able to see what a brat I was turning into. And just exactly how much my enemy (satan) was gaining victory over me.

Thank You Lord for time to work hard in the yard yesterday. Thank You for every single thing that worked against me in my effort: non-draining dishwasher, leaky toilet, my own negative attitude to name just a few. Thank You for the opportunity to growl and grouse (grumble, complain pettily) at You repeatedly. And mostly for the joy with which I have woken this morning!

Lord, I never thought I’d feel it again. Oh but it truly was blocked by that foothold (Ephesians 4: 27) I’d given the devil. For the better part of a week, against my own better judgment I had held onto anger, resentment and bitterness. I knew so much better than to take a remark personally. I confess Lord to ‘playing’ around with snide and hurtful comments, constantly giving fuel to the fire of my outrage.

Thank You Lord for putting it out. Thank You for lifting me far and away from my natural self. Thank You that in the midst of my negativity I was able to keep coming back to the very verse I had read yesterday morning. Romans 5:3-5, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us – they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady. Then, when that happens, we are able to hold our heads high no matter what happens and know that all is well, for we know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with love.”

Thank You God! Thank You for the chance to truly ‘feel this warm love everywhere within’ me again this morning. It’s been such a long time. I didn’t feel it an hour ago when I wasn’t done sleeping yet. And thank You for that because I might not have gone back to sleep and had a dream with exciting glimpses of enormous joy, identified fear and release of anger through shared honesty, tears and requesting a hug from a stranger.

Thank You God for the way You work inside me. Thank You that yesterday when I really didn’t feel like singing, “Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say ‘Rejoice!’ Rejoice, rejoice and again I say rejoice…” I did it anyway. Thank You that although the tone wasn’t filled with the love and joy I was hoping it would have, I did do it anyway. And You heard.

I know You heard Lord because this spirit of truly being “AGOG With God” right now could come from nowhere else but You. Thank You Lord. Thank You that along with the Psalm from two days ago also came the words to another song singing wholeheartedly within me this morning. “Unto Thee O Lord, do I lift up my soul. Unto Thee o Lord, do I lift up my soul! O my God, I trust in Thee Let me not be ashamed, let not my enemies triumph over me.”

Thank You God. Thank You for every single thing You do to help us become the loving people You designed us, in Your image, to become. Thank You Lord. Thank You. I love You and I truly desire to be more loving. Let it be so dear Lord. Amen!

(712 words ~ 7:57 a.m.)