swayed

Monday, August 3, 2009 (6:22 a.m.)

Mm Lord,

It’s beautiful. The sunrise. The sky. The various shades of gray in the clouds above the sharp outline of the mountains. It’s all so beautiful Dear God.

So here I am. Grateful to get to be up with You once again, wishing I had more time to sleep and be lazy. Knowing that being here is far more important than anywhere else. Father God, how do I ever get to the point where choosing You is a ‘no brainer’? I continue to waver. I go back and forth. I attempt to bargain with You, to justify and rationalize.

Thank You that You will have none of my excuses. Thank You that You will not be swayed. Your Word attests to that. Already this morning I have more questions and doubts than praises. Oh, but You are such a good and righteous God! For every critical thought I have Your Word is right here to correct my thinking. Everywhere I’ve turned so far confirms that.

Your Word, the Gospels, the Bible Handbook and the lyrics to Matt Redman’s song all work together to remind me of Your goodness and Your glory (as does the rising of the sun behind this beautiful cloud cover). “Blessed be Your name In the land that is plentiful Where the streams of abundance flow Blessed be Your name Blessed be Your name When I’m found in the desert place Though I walk through the wilderness Blessed be Your name Every blessing You pour out, I turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say… Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your glorious name”

So right here would be the time to confess how often I DON’T turn back to You in praise! Too many times I grump and whine and complain. Something isn’t to my liking, oh poor me. Lord, how I ask that You would continue Your purifying work in me. I’m at a place right now where it seems I doubt far more than I trust.

Reading this commentary in regards to John the Baptist just gave me a modicum of hope. I originally was reading about John’s strength of character (Matthew 7:24-28) and of course feeling even worse about myself. But just after confessing my doubt to You I glanced back down to the ‘wrong’ paragraph (describing vs. 18-19). The first sentence teaches me “This account of John the Baptist shows that even the strongest believers will go through times of discouragement and doubt.” Thank You Lord that as I continue reading I am again buoyed by Your grace and goodness. “God invites us to do likewise (ask honestly) and bring our doubts to Jesus, who will gently move us along the path of discovery and recovery.”

Mm Lord. It’s what I ask right now. I have doubts. I question my ability and my integrity. You are powerful. You are mighty. I bring them all to You asking that You not be swayed in Your love for me. Keep working in and through me oh Lord, that I would truly become worthy in Your sight. I love You so much. Amen.

(546 words ~ 7:30 a.m.)