brooding ~ 12/30/20

 Wednesday, December 30, 2020 (6:31 a.m.)

Lake Arrowhead, CA

Holy God,

I come to You this morning feeling rather empty of hope.

(6:42 a.m.)

And You hear me. And fill me. Thank You Jesus.

Brooding. It’s the perfect word.

(8:06 a.m.)

As sappy as I feel this morning with my emotions running all over the place again I smile at Your provision. God, how I thank You for Your presence. Your gift to the world. Your Perfect Word!

I confess to trying hard to change my feelings. I want to be joyful instead of downcast. But maybe, just maybe this IS what I am supposed to be feeling right now. I’m choosing to trust You here.

Asking (Matthew 7:7) You to lead, guide, direct and accompany me through them all. The tears keep me from seeing clearly. But the peace deep within knows I’m heading in the right direction. With You!

(8:34 a.m.)

You DO guide me. Lead, direct and accompany me. Thank You Lord. I held the tears at bay yesterday. This morning seems the perfect time to just let them loose. Thank You that I am choosing to believe that even this deep flood of emotions can somehow be interpreted as worship.

My walls to not feeling weak, scared, discouraged… are crumbling. Rapidly. And in their place is Your peace. And hope. And ultimately the joy You would have me accept. Not what I’ve been attempting to manufacture.

Thank You Lord. Thank You for encouraging me to drop my defenses and just come to You exactly as I am. Broken. Hurting. Scared. Wanting my mommy!

The moment I gave You my hurting heart, You provided Your healing balm. You just never cease to amaze me. Thank You Lord!

♪There Is A Balm in Gilead To make the wounded whole There is a balm in Gilead To heal the sin-sick soul Sometimes I feel discouraged And think my work’s in vain But then the Holy Spirit Revives my soul again♪ It’s so true. Your Word (Jeremiah 8:22) is Truth.

(9:08 a.m.)

Holy Father God,

I cannot thank You enough for the various ways You have of speaking to our hearts. Musical lyrics. Deep desires. Unrelenting curiosity that leads us directly back to Your Truth.

♪On the 6th Day of Christmas…♪ took me to considering the six days of creation (Genesis 1). The ♪six geese a-laying♪ referenced a bird brooding over her eggs. I took that immediately to heart as a mom brooding over her offspring.

Blessed God, You nailed my emotions with that one word. Brooding. And right in this very sentence I see Your Truth spring to life again. YOUR offspring. Nailed to a tree. For my sins.

Even though I can never begin to thank You enough for ALL He came to do on my behalf, I can be honest with You. About my hurts and my hopes. The torment that spins within my mind. And here I let Sinne Eeg sing ♪The Windmills of Your Mind♪

Thank You Father. I am not alone in having my mind take me to so many different places. And still I get to come back to standing firmly on Your Word. Your Truth. Your promises.

Now all the back to Your Perfect Word. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God” (John 1:1 King James Version). The Living Bible Footnotes tells us, “Christ, literally, ‘the Word,’ meaning Christ, the wisdom and power of God and the first cause of all things; God’s personal expression of Himself to men.”

Thank You Lord. You remind us that we can hold tightly to the thoughts that cause us distress and make us afraid. OR we can let go and let You be God! I choose the latter.

As much as I had wanted to sing joyfully to You this morning, it would have been a lie. I am currently brooding. Over my own goslings. I choose to trust You, all the more.

And with that I mournfully croon along with Pentatonix as they ask the musical question, ♪Mary, Did You Know?♪ Chills. Tears. Breaking heart. Hope. Truth.

Lord, I love You. Use me this day exactly as You know is best. Lovingly. Joyfully. Hopefully. Thank You. Praise You. Amen.

(730 words ~ 10:28 a.m.)