double-minded

Thursday, December 29, 2011 (12:06 p.m.)

Loving Lord Jesus,

I keep going back and forth. One moment I start singing and feeling joyful, the next my arm hurts and I doubt that joy will ever be mine to feel again. How’s THAT for being double-minded?

Back and forth I go. I seem to fall into the trap of all or nothing thinking. Either everything is wonderful or it’s terrible. There’s nothing in between. I know this isn’t true. Oh, but let me tell You how much I struggle with it.

Blessed Jesus, I know You experienced suffering that I will never be expected to bear. Why then do I continue being such a big baby about physical pain? It’s seemingly taking over every aspect of my life. I no longer participate in many actives I otherwise enjoy. I’m so darned afraid of hurting myself!

And that’s just it isn’t it? You tell me again and again to “fear not” and “be not afraid”, yet I still do. See? There it is again. I can choose fear or faith. I’m so conditioned to fear. Having faith takes courage. No wonder You tell us to work at building our faith.

Thank You Jesus that even in the search for verses to back up this thought, I have found enough to bring me again to tears of hopefulness. Over 100 most read Bible verses and I sit nodding my head thinking, “Yes.”

Yes, I want this kind of faith. Yes, I want to believe that You are here with me knowing EXACTLY what all is taking place with the health of this earthly body. Yes, I want to trust that You will NOT give me more than I can handle.

Thank You Jesus that in turning to You and Your Word – Your Holy, ultimate ♫Book of Love♫ – I get to be reminded that when my life is full of difficulties and temptations I am to “be happy, for when the way is rough, your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow, and don’t try to squirm out of your problems. For when your patience is finally in full bloom, then you will be ready for anything, strong in character, full and complete” (James 1:2-4).

Turning to Peter’s first letter to the Jewish Christians who were suffering persecution for their faith, I am reminded that “God offers to surround us with His love when problems seem overwhelming. The way out of the storm is to take comfort in God’s presence and persevere through it. As we do, God will use the trials to inspire our growth.” (The Life Recovery Bible)

“So be truly glad! There is wonderful joy ahead, even though the going is rough for a while down here. These trials are only to test your faith, to see whether or not it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests gold and purifies it – and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold; so if your faith remains strong after being tried in the test tube of fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day of His return” (1 Peter 1:6-7). This is my prayer to You Blessed Jesus. In and of myself I will continue to cave to my own double-mindedness. Keep my focus on You. Your strength. Your holiness. All the things I am not on my own.

I love You Jesus. Thank You that You came. Taught. Suffered. Died. And most of all that You rose again to give us hope in an otherwise hopeless world. You are so good. And I love You so much.

Do you think we can work on turning my “Ouch”s into “Hallelujah!”s? Will You please teach me to praise Your most good and holy name especially through the pain? I love You. Thank You. Amen.

(650 words ~ 2:08 p.m.)