disappointment

Saturday, December 3, 2011 (6:58 a.m.)

Blessed Father God,

I’m coming to You with a problem. A big, huge, giant, ugly problem. I am practicing unloving, unforgiving, unkind behaviors.

And as if on cue, after turning in Your Word to read more about forgiveness, I find “Disappointment Leads to Despair’ under the RECOVERY THEMES in Zechariah. Thank You Father.

(7:44 a.m.)

I continue reading. Even singing. I start to think I am filling with hope and then I feel myself begin to switch back over to bitter. This is a slippery slope of indulgence I cannot afford myself. One negative thought or utterance will lead to another and I will ultimately find myself drowning in despair. Father I confess to trying to overcome negativity with a conscious attempt toward all things positive. In and of myself Dearest God, I am powerless. I keep scratching at the surface wanting desperately to uncover the giant root of pretense that seems to be lying just underneath.

Lord God, You alone are holy. You are mighty. Faithful. Perfect. All the things we are not. I turn to You Dearest One. ♫We stand and lift up our hands For the joy of the Lord is our strength We bow down and worship Him now How great, how awesome is He And together we sing Holy is the Lord God Almighty The earth is filled with His glory… And together we sing Everyone sing… It’s rising up all around It’s the anthem of the Lord’s renown♫

As I choose to believe Your Word, I turn to Nehemiah 8:10b, “for the joy of the Lord is your strength. You must not be dejected and sad.” My first reaction to this Truth is entirely more morose than joyful. Truly I offer my initial comeback, “Really God? ‘Cause that seems far easier said than done.”

So this is where You come in and save me from myself. The Twelve Step Devotion that accompanies this section of scripture (vs. 7-10) ends with a paragraph of hopefulness. “When we set out to face the pain and sadness of making a moral inventory (Step Four), we will need the ‘joy of the Lord’ to give us strength. This joy comes from recognizing, even celebrating, God’s ability to bring us out of bondage and to care for us as we pass through the sadness toward a new way of life.”

Truly Lord, You ARE where I find my joy! This is where I can smile and hope and believe that with You “all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26). On my own I cannot lift myself out of this pit of disappointment. You can lift me out. I trust You to do exactly with and for and in and through me as You know I need.

(10:12 a.m.)

During a prayer with a fellow Believer just now, Romans 8:28 came to mind and then took me over to Genesis 50:20. Father God, I absolutely believe YOU can use for good anything that satan might try to use for evil. Do that Dearest God. “And we know that all that happens to us is working for our good if we love God and are fitting into His plans.” Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(539 words ~ 10:22 a.m.)