flood

Monday, May 16, 2011 (8:18 a.m.)

Whoa, Lord,

I don’t even know where to start. Praise You. Thank You. That’s always the best. First let me confess to the flood of emotions I’m experiencing. Highs. Lows. Occasional smile. Tears. Frustration… which, left unchecked, could SO easily turn to anger.

Okay. Let’s don’t ‘go there’. It would be too easy. Wasn’t I taught quite a while back that ‘anger is easy’? Yes. That’s right. Anger IS easy! It’s easy to fall back on. It’s a far more natural bent for me than love and forgiveness.

Hmm. Lord, I wasn’t expecting this kind of honesty this morning. Haven’t I gotten fairly good at coming here and presenting myself in a much more positive light? Don’t I normally try to change my mindset to better reflect that which I think would be more pleasing to You? So what is it about this morning? Why am I so willing to come here and tell You that I’m hurting Lord?

There was a panicked call yesterday morning regarding the health and welfare of a much loved one. That was followed by the news of the half-expected yet still surprising death of a former co-worker. We had rain and cold and hours traveled to join our good-byes with that of others for a dearly loved, godly young couple. And just now I spent a nostalgic time looking at photos from a period before my own birth.

All kinds of emotions are being tapped here Lord. A flood of negativity is unleashing itself. My past behavior is to attempt to outrun the pain. Quite feebly I attempt to protect myself. Today, instead, I’m bringing it all to You. The self-recrimination. The hurt. The loss. I bring it all to You because that is exactly what I have to offer You today.

And finally in all this I give You thanks and praise! Praise that You are good. Holy. Perfect. Real. Available. Ours. Thanks that You will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). These are the truths that keep me grounded.

My mind may whip with the onslaught of thoughts that could blow me hither and yon. But Your Word, Your Truth, Your promises keep bringing me back to 1 Corinthians 13:13, (TLB) “Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love.”

Ah, Lord, thank You! My heart is hurting right now. There is some deeply seeded sadness. It’s there. I’m not going to pretend it’s not. But what I WILL do, what I AM doing is bring it to You. Again I tell You Blessed Lord, this is what I have to offer You this day. Thank You for Your willingness to accept me exactly as I am. ESPECIALLY in times like today when I tend to judge and critique myself (and others) so harshly.

Through the reading and searching of Your Word this morning, again I am drawn to Psalm 118. Verse 1, “Oh, thank the Lord, for He is good! His loving-kindness is forever.” You are Truth. You are my hope! “Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free” (v. 5). Flood me with Your truth and hope, Dearest Lord. Your faith, hope and love that so perfectly counter all fear, guilt and shame. Fight the battle of emotions that I just can’t do myself right now. I love You. I thank You. I praise You. And most importantly of all, I TRUST You! Thank You Lord. I love You. Amen.

(587 words ~ 10:33 a.m.)