gr... words

Wednesday, November 24, 2010 (7:38 a.m.)

Awesome God,

Thank You. Thank You that You let me get just as mad as I want to. You permit me to be willful and stubborn, stiff-necked and just plain unpleasant. Thank You that I even get to enter Your gates with grumbles [instead of thanksgiving] in my heart. You are going to just stand [or sit J] by and allow me to continue making this mountain of resentment out of the original molehill of misunderstanding until I finally come to the end of myself and turn to You instead.

Okay. I’m here. Grumps and growls and grumbles and all. Lord God how I thank You for this opportunity to come before You with all the negative gr... words I can possibly think of. Thank You that when I finally planned to come here and really give You the lowdown on my low mood the very first gr... word I came to was grace.

Wow God! That changes everything. Rather than choosing to continue in the negative vein I had fallen into I turn to You Dearest Lord asking Your forgiveness of my selfishness. Truly Lord, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! I look to You and quickly turn away with another grumble or growl. Tears fill my eyes as I declare my unworthiness, yet I don’t change my ways.

You are so good Dearest Lord. So perfect and wonderful. Please forgive me for taking You so much for granted.

I’ve been running away from caring about most things these days. I don’t want to care. There’s risk. My feelings might get hurt. The cost is too great.

Oh wow, would You just look at that. You gave Your very life for me and I completely withdraw from the price of potentially hurt feelings. You absolutely have Your work cut out for You Lord!

I don’t have hope anywhere but in You Lord. I can look around at all the external things. I can make up lists of things to do. But the real work needs to take place inside me Lord. YOU can change my heart and soul and mind and strength with each little flicker of truth You provide. Your truth. Your hope. Your grace.

Thank You Lord that even here You provide the hope and truth I need. ♫There is a balm in Gilead, To make the wounded whole; There is a balm in Gilead, To heal the sin-sick soul♫ (Jeremiah 8:22) And as though this isn’t enough there’s an early version of the chorus in “The Sinner’s Cure” by Washington Glass in The Revivalist, 1854. ♫How lost was my condition, Till Jesus made me whole; There is but one Physician Can cure a sin-sick soul… At length this great Physician How matchless is His grace Accepted my petition And undertook my case… Come then to this Physician His help He’ll freely give He makes no hard condition ’Tis only look and live There is a balm…♫ I can’t make myself care Lord. You can! Help me let You.

And even here Lord, in looking up the verse in Jeremiah (8:22) I read the verses before and found another gr... word. Verses 18 and 21, “My grief is beyond healing; my heart is broken. I weep for the hurt of my people; I stand amazed, silent, dumb with grief.”

Ah, but even in my dumbed silence Lord, there is grace and hope for ♫There IS a balm in Gilead♫! Thank You Lord. Your gr... words are SO much better than mine! I love You. Thank You. Help me care today. Amen.

(596 words ~ 9:12 a.m.)