awkward

Saturday, October 16, 2010 (8:47 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

I am confessing awkward! For over an hour I have avoided starting this because I feel embarrassed that the song I keep singing to You is ♫Hey now You’re a Rock Star♫ And look! Just like that I’m smiling and no longer blocked by it.

Lord, it’s true! I really CAN bring anything before You, not having to be ashamed. Thank You Lord. You really ARE an All Star! No. Scratch that. You are THE All Star of all time!

Yesterday I was able to just enjoy being in Your company. It was awesome. No expectations. No feverish attempts to do or be something I’m not. Just putting one step in front of the other and acknowledging Your many blessings to us.

Thank You Lord. As I continue searching…

(1:15 p.m. cont’d.)

Blessed Lord,

I LOVE how You change my heart’s direction. Ever since confessing ‘awkward’ to You concerning the awakening song, I’ve been singing ♫If any man come after me Let him deny himself, Pick up his cross, and follow me (Matthew 16:24) Into life eternally. Deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow Jesus, He is the way, truth and life♫ (John 14:6).

Reading commentaries pertaining to denying oneself, taking up the cross and following You (Matthew 16:24; Mark 8:34; Luke 9:23) I find myself smiling hopefully as I wonder what life would truly be like should I ever be willing (and most importantly ABLE) to do exactly that.

I read. I hope. I think. I pray. I desire the ability of surrendering all to You and then at the very last moment I chicken out. I change my mind. Nothing could be that easy. There must be a catch. I must work harder! Try more. What do You mean ‘just let go and let You BE You’? What would that even look like?

Oh yeah. I AM learning! You DO keep giving me another glimpse of grace. You keep being God and I’ll keep following You. Teach me more about denying myself, picking up my cross and following You. And maybe ~ just MAYBE the day will come when I actually feel just a little less awkward! I love You SO very much Dearest Lord. Thank You that I get to be Yours! Awkward and all. [And You know what? Your really ARE a Rock Star! J] I love You! Amen.

(403 words ~ 1:45 p.m.)