pouring out my heart

Thursday, May 13, 2010 (10:17 a.m.)

♫God of Grace and God of Glory,

♫On Thy people pour Thy power♫ Oh most dear and holy Lord God, thank You! Thank You that of all the songs and thoughts I’ve had of and to You so far this morning, THIS is the hymn that just started singing itself to me the moment I sat down here.

All the mixed up feelings and emotions so far today [well, actually, way more than only today J!] are summed up for me here in the second verse ♫Lo! (used to draw attention to an interesting or amazing event) the hosts of evil round us Scorn Thy Christ, assail His ways! From the fears that long have bound us, Free our hearts to faith and praise. Grant us wisdom, Grant us courage, For the living of these days, For the living of these days.♫

Yes, most dear and blessed God! Free us. Free ME! I am bound Lord. Deeply, truly bound by the struggles of this world. I keep looking around. Trying to figure it all out. And that’s NOT what You would have me do. I need to come again and again to the foot of Your cross. Proclaiming Your goodness. Seeking Your mercy and grace.

Thank You Lord for rescuing me repeatedly from this pit I keep finding myself in. Thank You for bringing me right back to Your Word. Specifically Your Word concerning Joshua’s leadership.

And here again You toss me another song ♫Here I am, once again I pour out my heart For I know that You hear Every cry You are listening No matter what state my heart is in You are faithful to answer With words that are true and a hope that is real As I feel Your touch You bring a freedom To all that’s within In the safety of this place I’m longing to Pour out my heart To say that I love You Pour out my heart To say that I need You Pour out my heart to say that I’m thankful Pour out my heart To say that You’re wonderful. Lord, that You’re wonderful!♫

Beloved Lord. Thank You for taking the focus off of me and all the whines and cries my heart holds. Pouring out my heart earlier to this remarkable husband You provided me, helped some. Pouring it out again to You amazes me!

♫Every cry You are listening No matter what state my heart is in♫ And not only do You listen Lord, but ♫You are faithful to answer With words that are true And a hope that is real♫ Truly Lord. My Hope IS in You! How I ask that You continue working in me. Take out all that is there that is not pleasing to You. There are so many misconceptions I have. So many mistakes I’ve made. Too often I (albeit unknowingly!) take on too much. This life You have so graciously given me needs to be lived for Your good and Your glory and I confess Lord, I keep getting in the way!

My thoughts. My plans. My needs. The things I think I want… They all slow me down. I trip over it all constantly. I jump up. Start running. And time after time find myself wondering where the heck I am and how in the world I got there. Lord, I AM like the Israelites wandering around the desert for forty years!

How I ask You to continue Your work in me. Remove all that is not holy and replace it with the ability to trust and obey You in all You have for me. I confess to feeling fearful and giving in (up!) to circumstances of overwhelm. You are better than this in me. You are all that I am not. I turn to You. I look to You. Help me follow You. At Your pace. In Your direction. At all times. I love You Lord. Thank You. Amen.

(665 words ~ 11:04 a.m.)