Micah 6:8

Wednesday, May 12, 2010 (4:57 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

I confess I’d much rather be sleeping right now, but my brain won’t seem to stop thinking of things. Rather than continue tossing, turning and ruminating I thought I’d bring myself out here to You and ask the big question. Lord, God how do I accept myself exactly as I am? Warts and all.

I keep looking at the shouldas Lord. Shoulda said. Shoulda done. Shoulda been. What do You have for me instead?

Thank You Lord that You lead me away from the torment of my own self criticism to the Light and Truth and hope of Your Word! Thank You Lord that in the depths of the turmoil You are here. Ever faithful. Never changing. Holy. Loving. Perfect. All that we want to be.

Lord, I keep failing. I want desperately to do more. Be more. And even as I confess myself to You, I sense the words, “Be satisfied.” What would that even look like Lord? I’m so used to being critical. Of everything!

Mm. And even in this, my heart sings out to You asking ♫In my life Lord, be glorified. Be glorified. In my life Lord, be glorified today♫

Lord, You are so good. So holy. I am not. I am made in Your image (Genesis 1:26) so I have potential. Yes?

(7:03 a.m.)

Yes. I have potential! Thank You Lord! Thank You that I get to come before You. Fearful. Sad. Discouraged. I don’t have to pretend. I don’t have to make sense. I get to cry if I need to. I can bounce between the boundaries of joy and despair if necessary. And You understand. You know my heart. You take me on a personally guided tour through Your Word.

Starting with Micah 6:8 (“He has showed you, O Man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with Your God.”), stopping by to visit awhile in Ephesians and ending in Psalm 139:1-5.

Lord, I cannot possibly thank You enough for investing Your time and energy in me like this. Just as I am examining myself and confessing the thought that I do not ‘act justly’, I read a Serenity Prayer Devotional regarding Psalm 139.

“Perhaps we spend our energy and time trying to be what someone else wants us to be because we feel that who we are is not enough.” (BINGO!) “We may do all we can to separate from our inner being because we are so deeply ashamed of who we are. Self-hatred is a defect of character that needs to be removed… allow God to remove self-hatred, helping us to value ourself for who we are. We have been miraculously created, and are treasured by God… As we begin to see how unique and special we are – embraced and accepted by God Himself – our strides toward recovery should grow faster and longer.”

Embraced and accepted by God Himself? Lord, if You can embrace and accept me just as I am, will You please remove that unrealistic, self imposed bar I have set so incredibly high, so that I can truly embrace and accept myself?

I love You so much Dear Lord. I want to make You proud. But mostly I want “to act justly, love mercy and to walk humbly” with You! Thank You Lord. Amen.

(569 words ~ 7:39 a.m.)