mistakes

Saturday, May 29, 2010 (7:18 a.m.)

Marriage. Celebrate. Love. Death. God!

God. Yes. God. Our God. Dear God. Loving God. My God. Giving God. Oh Most Dear and Loving Father God, thank You for the love which calls me to You. Thank You that You are perfect and wonderful. Thank You that even though I’ve been known to attempt avoiding You at times, You win out. You are wonderful.

(8:27 a.m.)

♫Powerful. Jesus is Your name… Author of my life Friend of sinful man Holy, mighty God Ever Great I Am You’re so wonderful, powerful Jesus is Your name Hallelujah Jesus Hallelujah Jesus Hallelujah Jesus My Lord, beautiful You are♫

Lord, I can’t begin to thank You enough for calling me again and again into Your presence. My old pattern is to run far away from You whenever I feel like this. Sad. Guilty. Lonely. Sad. Did I mention sad? Disappointed. In myself. I have a self-imposed standard I have set that, granted, is impossible to reach. And every time I fall short, I use that as another reason to chastise myself.

Lord, thank You that You are so good. Thank You that Your Word is filled with examples of people who have made mistakes. Let’s see. Eve immediately comes to mind!

Glorious God and Father, You continue giving me glimpses of myself. In accordance to Your Word, You keep loving me.

Oh most good and glorious Lord. THANK YOU! Thank You that in the midst of knowing that I needed to come before You with my disappointment with myself, You are ever here reminding me of Your love and faithfulness. Only through pouring out my heart, as wretched as it can be at times, can I catch another glimpse of Your grace. Yes Lord. Yet another opportunity to truly be agog with You!

I had plans and expectations in and of myself. I put them there. I built on them. I didn’t ask You Your thoughts. I just assumed that if I thought them they must be from You. NOT!

Thank You Lord that You keep bringing me back every single time I stray. Forgive me for the mistakes I continue to make. The poor timing I choose. The people I hurt. The commitments I flake out on. I don’t do these things on purpose. I don’t even do them without thinking. But truly Lord, the expectations I have set for myself and my own ability are way too high. I don’t hold ANY one else to the standard I have internalized for me.

Lord, thank You! Thank You that I get to sit here with tears streaming down my cheeks knowing that You love me. Thank You that I get to feel as though I have once again ‘crashed and burned’ with all the mistakes I have made over the past few months and none of them keep out of Your love. Lamentations 3:23 called out to remind me that “Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each day.”

Thank You for leading me here and then three verses up. “I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.” I truly thought I would be able to wholeheartedly celebrate this day when my parents were married 62 years ago. I didn’t know I was setting myself up for another unrealistic expectation!

But look at You God! Right here at verses 21 and 22, “Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The unfailing love of the Lord never ends! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.” Oh yes Lord. Thank You!

Thank You that I get to join my voice with Jeremiah’s in verse 24 (through 26) “I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!’ The Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for Him and seek Him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.”

Thank You Lord that You came to save us. From our mistakes. From our pasts. From ourselves. I love You so very much. Thank You. Amen.

(686 words ~ 9:27 a.m.)