great and glorious

Saturday, April 30, 2016 (7:01 a.m.)

Most Great and Glorious God,

Thank You! Thank You that You are indeed great and glorious. Thank You Father that because I remembered and relied on the Truth of Your greatness much earlier this morning I was able to meditate on Your Word and sleep soundly and peacefully.

Remembering The Living Bible's paraphrase of Psalm 23:1, I truly rested in believing the Truth behind the words chosen there. “Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need!” Every single thing I need.

Thank You Father. I have confessed to spending an excessive amount of time ruminating negative thoughts. I've attempted getting passed it all on my own terms. Thinking. Shaming. Confessing. Trying. Crying. And then You reminded me, because You are my Shepherd, I already have everything I need.

Blessed, Holy God, I trusted. Believed. Thought on Your Truth. And slept. Soundly. Peacefully. There was even a detailed dream that helped me remember to think on the things that are: true, helpful, inspiring, necessary and kind.

You reminded me that Jesus told us quite frankly that “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). I remembered as well that I am created in Your image (Genesis 1:27).

I did an experiment yesterday. Every time I found myself judging my thoughts, what appeared to me as inaction and my attitude, I asked myself, “What if this is what I'm really supposed to be doing?” God, You know all my doubts. Fears. Seemingly crazy thinking. And You love me anyway.

I gave myself permission to just be. Not do. I played. What seemed like an exorbitant amount of new to me computer games. Again I judged myself for what appeared to be such a huge waste of time. I found fault. And I let it go.

Thank You Father. Thank You for all You have and want for me. Thank You for again reminding me that I am truly blessed. Grateful. And “so loved”. You provide so perfectly for us.

And now, with all that said I turn to Your Word (Nehemiah 4:14) and am immediately brought back to thinking of a segment I watched on a television program [The Blacklist] last night. There was a death [or not] of a central character and the various reactions of all those who loved and worked with her.

Here I quote a descriptive recap of the episode. “It was a speech about the people who make up the foundational elements of one's life – about how 'when they're suddenly not there, we collapse into rubble...'” I recognized it immediately! Blessed God, I have collapsed into rubble!

For weeks [months? Years?] I have been questioning my own foundational elements. Things I thought I knew being proven wrong. Beliefs I trusted, crumbling before my very eyes. I confess to You my most dear and trusted Dad, I'm wrecked!

Ah, but this is where Your Truth truly pans out! In referring to You as “great and glorious” just earlier, I followed The Living Bible to Nehemiah 4:14 and I can't even begin to form complete sentences! Holy God, thank You!

Thank You for letting me be a wreck! Thank You for allowing me to fall completely apart here. Thank You for encouraging me to simply trust You!

In a state of absolute agog-ness right now, please bear with my unformed ramblings. According to The Life Recovery Bible regarding the book of Nehemiah, the “PURPOSE: To describe the rebuilding of the wall of Jerusalem and the continued spiritual rebuilding of the people.”

I desperately need to be rebuilt! From the ground up! The description of Nehemiah, the man, begins “Recovery is the process of rebuilding a life, often from a point near complete destruction. Nehemiah, the great rebuilder of Jerusalem, leaves us an excellent biblical example of how to pursue and enhance the recovery process.”

To this I say, “Please.” Yes, please blessed God, enhance my recovery process! The tears flow so freely. My hands even shake when I read of my own feelings being described in centuries past.

“Then the people of Judah began to complain that the workers were becoming tired. There was so much rubble to be moved that we could never get it done by ourselves” (Nehemiah 4:10). Here I am. Right here. Complaining. Tired. And again, not alone!

The Life Recovery Bible comment for this important to me verse, “Rubble can be very disheartening in itself. With every remodeling project, trash accumulates. This is true not only for physical rebuilding but for emotional and spiritual recovery as well. The garbage was getting in the way of the workmen, and they were discouraged by it. We may experience the same discouragement as some of the unresolved emotional garbage from the past still remains.”

This is me Father! Right here! Why? Because of the Truth of Your Word!

“For whatever God says to us is full of living power: it is sharper than the sharpest dagger, cutting swift and deep into our innermost thoughts and desires with all their parts, exposing us for what we really are” (Hebrews 4:12). And what am I? Broken. Desperate. And willing to trust and believe You at Your Word!

The close of the comment for Nehemiah tells us, “We must recognize the garbage, resolve the problem, and then remove the rubble so we can continue on the path to recovery.” Yes, Please. Holiest, most great and glorious God, I look to You in all of this.

I thank You for never leaving me alone in my own thoughts or despair. Use me this day exactly as You wish.

(10:13 a.m.)

Like talking to a complete stranger on the phone just now.

Holy God, I love You. I ask You to lead me that I would truly learn to follow. 'Resting in green meadows, beside peaceful streams, renewing my strength, guiding me along right paths and bringing honor to Your name' (Psalm 23:2-3).

Keep teaching me to trust You most great and glorious God. Make something great and glorious out of the rubble with which I am surrounded. I love You. Thank You. Amen.

(1034 words ~ 10:22 a.m.)