"with confidence"

Monday, February 28, 2011 (6:35 a.m.)

It’s been quite a weekend Lord!

Lots of memories. Some surprises. Genuine blessings. And You Lord. Always You! Thank You for the work You have done in each of us over these many years. Thank You for bringing us to You.

As we begin a brand new chapter of our lives together Lord, I am asking that You would guide us with Your loving presence and nature. In the past, I have had the tendency of looking at people and deciding who I most want to model in any given set of circumstances. I don’t want to do that any more Lord. I want to look to and model YOU.

You are so incredibly good. You know which way You would have us turn. Where You want us to go and how You’d have us get there. Let me learn to keep my eyes on You Dearest Lord, rather than the things of this world.

Yesterday I read the words “with confidence” and recognized almost immediately that this is exactly how I want to be able to live Lord. “With confidence”!

I turn in Your Word and become more and more excited. Eager to tell. Agog! Hebrews 13: 5 and 6 both reference Old Testament verses. Verse five refers back to Deuteronomy 31, verses six and eight. These two verses are used as the foundation of being able to say “with confidence” the Truth of Psalm 118:6.

As Moses was preparing the people of Israel to follow Joshua across the Jordan River, into the Promised Land he told them (Deuteronomy 31:6), “Be strong! Be courageous! Do not be afraid of them (the nations living in the land)! For the Lord your God will be with you. He will never fail you nor forsake you.” Then he said to Joshua, “The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (v.8)

Dearest Lord, I want to live with Your strength and courage! I want to say “with confidence” the Truth of Psalm 118:6, “The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

You are good Lord. I’ve been witness to Your goodness through the years. Let me live “with confidence”. Believing whole-heartedly that You are with me; and I will not be afraid! Fear flies in opposition to faith. Keep working in me Lord. Build the courage and strength I need to be able to stand firm and “can say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my Helper, so I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?’”

I believe it Lord, while I’m right here with You. Let me LIVE it as well! I love You. Thank You. Amen.

(472 words ~ 7:53 a.m.)

peaceful joy/content

Saturday, February 26, 2011 (7:04 a.m.)

Awesome, Amazing God,

Thank You. There’s a word I’m looking for. It describes the calm, settled way I feel right now. It’s almost joy. But in looking it up, that’s too happy. There’s more peacefulness involved. A kind of ‘peaceful joy’ if You will. Will You Lord? Guide me to the verses You would have me explore this morning.

This really special morning that marks the anniversary of thirty-four years of marriage. Thirty-four years Lord? “And they said it wouldn’t last!” Yes Lord. So many people said it wouldn’t last. But it did. With an overwhelming amount of peaceful joy.

Sunday, February 27, 2011 (7:45 a.m.)

Could the word be ‘content’ Lord? I looked it up. The very first definition is “in a state of peaceful happiness”. That seems to sum it up very nicely Lord.

Ah yes Lord! I’m taking it! Just now when I thought the verse I was looking for was where Paul told the Philippians, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation…” (4: 12) I looked over to Hebrews as well.

Here in the first six verses of chapter 13 (specifically verse 5, “be content with what you have”) I am reminded of my mom’s quite firm ‘encouragement’ [read here as ‘threat’! J] that I had “just better like what you get”. Wow, Lord! I never knew her to be so scriptural J!

All kidding aside Lord, this section is steeped with reminders of our family’s heritage. We both had grandmothers who did ‘not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it” (v.2).

Verse three tells us to ‘remember those in prison and those who are mistreated’ as if we ourselves were suffering. How often have I chided myself for being such a bleeding-heart? Thank You for the reminder Lord that we ARE supposed to care so very much for others!

I confess Lord, it has been said that verse four comes rather easily for me because of the love I have for my husband. “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” YOU know that hasn’t always been the case!

Touching again on verse five, it has been YOUR Truth at work in me all these years keeping our ‘lives free from the love of money’ making us content with what we have. Again Lord, not always the case!

It’s the end of this verse and all of the next that I’m asking for Your help in learning to live. “Because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?’”

Lord, I whine WAY too much for others [and myself! J] to believe that I ever say this with complete confidence. “The Lord is my helper”? YES! Done. “I will not be afraid.” Not even close. Remember me Lord? The one whose feelings get hurt at the drop of a hat? Of course I’m afraid of what man can do to me.

As many times as Your Word tells us not to be afraid, I still don’t live “with confidence” daily. It comes and goes. There are times that I truly believe I have faith that could move mountains (Matthew 17:20; Mark 11:23). Sadly, more often than not, my mind works overtime thinking on things of which to be afraid.

Lord God, how I thank You for this anniversary weekend on which to contemplate the contentment we have found in You. And each other! Lord, You are mighty. Powerful. Loving. Perfect. And You work miracles too. Like keeping us contentedly together all these years. Thank You Lord. And thank You too for the announcement of an expected grandchild to boot. Wow God. You really ARE good!

Keep us practicing right living in and through Your mighty power and presence, which is available to help us all. We love You so very much Dearest Lord. And we are grateful. Fully ‘content with what we have’! Thank You. Amen.

(688 words ~ 8:38 a.m.)

answers

Friday, February 25, 2011 (7:43 a.m.)

Hi God,

How’s it goin’? Not too formal or reverent just now. Work with me okay? “Life” is WAY different than I expected – way back when I was sure I had all the answers.

Why thank You Lord. I turn my thoughts and focus to You and You speak to me. Again Your answer is love. And where do I find myself in Your Word this morning? 1Corinthians 8. Reading about doctrinal disputes. And Your answer to them all? Love!

Dearest, Blessed Lord, I love You! You created us. You’ve blessed us. Embarrassingly, I used to think I understood W-A-Y more than I really do. Thank You that every time I go off half-cocked, You ever so gently bring me back to Your way of thinking. Lord. Thank You!

Thank You that again this morning I get to read of others, like myself, who’ve had to struggle with being so sure of all they think they know. 1Corinthians 8:2, “If anyone thinks he knows all the answers, he is just showing his [or in this particular case, HER! J] ignorance.” And there we have it folks! A full on description of me!

Thank You Lord that You never leave us alone in our own ignorant state. You bring us back to Your way of thinking. To Truth. YOUR Truth!

The verses immediately preceding and following this excerpt speak again of what is truly needed. The end of verse one says, “But although being a ‘know-it-all’ makes us feel important, what is really needed to build the church is love.” And verse three, “But the person who truly loves God is the one who is open to God’s knowledge.”

Sign me up for one who truly loves You Lord. For no other reason than You are good. You are Holy. You are faithful. Honorable. Life-giving. Necessary. Absolute. Perfect. Truth. Love (1John4:8).

Guide me. Teach me. Direct me to being loving Lord. With all my heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30) that I will TRULY love others as well as I love myself (v.31). And here again comes a Truth from several years past, T-H-E Truth that restored a severely broken relationship.

Combining two versions of Philippians 1:9-11, I begin first with what jumped off The Message page at me so many years ago. “So this is my (Paul’s) prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well.” Oh Most Dear and Blessed God, it is my sincere desire that You would continue teaching me what it is to “love well”.

Continuing with The Cotton Patch Gospel, “And this I pray: that your love may keep growing until you have such understanding and keen perception that you can sort out the truly important matters. I pray too that you may overflow with the goodness that comes from following Christ, to God’s credit and honor.”

Yes Lord. May it be so! Let my answers ever be steeped in Your message of love. Your love for us. Ours for You and one another. Make us a people of Your love. This I pray in Your Son’s most holy name. I love You. Thank You. Amen.

(540 words ~ 9:31 a.m.)

pricked

Thursday, February 24, 2011 (8:38 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

You are good. You are awesome. And I am so completely human. Talk to me about that Lord. Talk to me about how it is that I sit here and praise You and love You and trust You and long to follow You and I start into my regular day and “BAM!” seeds of bitterness and resentment start to take root.

Lord, how I thank You for the work You have been doing in me. I truly am grateful. Yet I must confess, You have a whole lot more to do!

How is it Lord that I can take a perfectly nice conversation, pick out a couple of words that ‘pricked’ me. Oh, and here You are with me in all Your glory!

Thank You Lord! Thank You that You love me so much! You do not leave me alone with my own thoughts and feelings. You infuse Yourself right into the middle of them. Thank You Lord.

I noticed right when my feelings got hurt last night. I saw myself shutdown. Withdraw. Grow sullen and bitter. I didn’t want to. I was aware, yet powerless to ‘fix’ my feelings. Confessing the hurt got it out in the open, but I still held tightly to what I saw as a disservice to me.

A scheduled time for fun and exercise changed my whole outlook. But this morning the tendency to ruminate the situation came back again.

Thank You that on my very first cry to You, You provided Psalm 73 to help me once again see myself in the context of human nature. The Bible Handbook describes this particular Psalm thusly, “This unique psalm traces the experience of the poet, who feels envy at the prosperity of the wicked (1-12) and frustration at his own lot (13-16). He finds release by comparing the end of the wicked (18-20) with the blessings of his present and future fellowship with God (21-28).

Ah, ME! Described right here. Envy. Frustration. Comparing. Thank You Lord that I do NOT have to stay there! Thank You that You are always here to guide me back to Your way of living.

Verse 21 (ESV) picks up right where I was, "When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, (22) I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward You. (23-24) Nevertheless, I am continually with You; You hold my right hand [no matter how ‘won’t-full’ and obstinate I may be!]. You guide me with Your counsel [thank You VERY much! J], and afterward You will receive me to glory."

Most Dear and Blessed Lord, through the end of the chapter (25-28) I am lifted. Reminded of these verses I have quoted [and sung] before. “♫Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever♫ For behold, those who are far from You perish; You put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to You. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.”

Like changing the heart of a stubborn “little girl” who fell back into the trap of acting her shoe-size. Thank You Lord that You are never one to leave us alone, on own, led along by our own tendency toward self-destruction.

You are good. You are awesome. You holy. And I am grateful to having been pricked by Your Holy Spirit. Thank You Lord. I love You. Keep working in me. Amen.

(616 words ~ 9:34 a.m.)

restless leads to Truth!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011 (6:21 a.m.)

Loving Lord,

You did it again! You kept me company through a seemingly very long and restless night. I had many thoughts and ideas and each one I brought to You. Thank You Lord that in doing so I was reminded to come to Your Word for clarification. For Truth!

The very first thing I wanted to do this morning was come to You and Your Word. Seeking to verify my thoughts throughout the night. YOU are the ultimate Truth Checker, Lord. Thank You for that.

Thank You that I get to bring ALL of my thoughts to You. In the middle of a somewhat restless night, I know that just because I think something doesn’t make it true. And every time I looked to You. In the darkness my thoughts still turned to You for verification. Thank You Lord.

In getting up and coming before You, I found myself first in Psalms (55:2) again in Job (30) and back to Psalms (42-43). I am reminded to wait and thirst and long for You. To hope in You.

I read. I trust. I believe. I smile. Thank You Lord. In You and You alone is hope. Truth! Love. Goodness. All that You are. All that You do. Enveloped in Truth. Thank You Lord. Provide for me the discipline I need to live this life in Your Truth. Thinking. Feeling. Sharing. And standing firmly on and in Your Truth.

Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(250 words ~ 7:30 a.m.)

Holy Spirit

Tuesday, February 22, 2011 (6:27 a.m.)

Most Dear and Blessed God,

Teach me more about Your Holy Spirit. About trusting and living life in and through His strength and power.

Lord, You are so good! Where I had gotten up thinking You wanted to speak to me about things that are fragile, one chapter into Job (8), You turned that right around for me.

Instead of focusing on the fragility of the things of this world, I am to look at the strength and power given to us by Your incredible Holy Spirit. Lord, having experienced this power on a number of occasions, I confess to not accessing it on a regular basis. The truth is, I don’t know how.

Now, I know You well enough to realize that the power of Your Holy Spirit is not locked away somewhere. Released only by some secret handshake or such. And I also know that the harder I look for it, the more illusive it seems to become for me. How then Lord are we to come to know, to trust, to live in this magnificent power of Yours? This I truly do not know or understand.

Lord, I find myself in tears now. A genuine emotional mix of wanting desperately to learn more about life in the power of Your Holy Spirit and further information about the death of a mom of a loved one.

Lord, You are good. You are Holy. You are Mighty and powerful. Wonderful. Marvelous. Jesus is Your name. And the very next thing I know I am singing ♫Hallelujah, Jesus…♫

Thank You Lord. Thank You that You give us the choice of focusing on the fragile things of this world OR on the power of Your Holy Spirit. You set before us the choice between life and death (Deuteronomy 30:19) and You let us decide with the encouraging prompt, “Oh, that you would choose life, that you and your descendants might live!”

Lord, I am asking that I would not only choose life and live, but that I would live this life in and through the mighty power of Your Holy Spirit. That same power that Jesus promised in John 14:15-16 and described in verse 17. That very same power that indwelled Peter and John and was witnessed by others in Acts 4:31.

Lord, I love You. I want desperately to live my life for You by way of Your Holy Spirit living in and through me. ♫Come Holy Spirit we need You♫ Thank You Lord. How I love You! Amen.

(426 words ~ 8:01 a.m.)

"Christ crucified"

Monday, February 21, 2011 (8:50 a.m.)

Dearest Lord,

Where do we even begin this morning?

(12:58 p.m.)

Of course! With the two words I wrote down in church yesterday. “Christ crucified”.

Lord, talk to me about these words. This brief description appears in Paul’s letter to the believers living in Corinth (1Corinthians 1:23).

(4:03 p.m.)

Blessed Lord, I come to You. I read. I think. I wonder. I study. I try to understand. I get excited. Agog. But the words to describe do not come.

I read the first and second chapters. I read about them in The Bible Handbook. I followed footnotes back to Isaiah 29:14 and Jeremiah 9:24. I read of Your wisdom. And that of the Holy Spirit. I absolutely want to share what is in my heart. “Christ the Wisdom and Power of God”. Or as it reads in The Life Recovery Bible, “Christ Gives New Life from God”.

Oh and then it intensifies as I read the heading for chapter two. “The Holy Spirit Gives Wisdom”.

It all just amazes me Lord! We are called to believe, to trust, to LIVE in Your “righteousness, holiness and redemption” (v. 30).

I can’t even pretend to understand the power and strength of life in Your Holy Spirit. But I can tell you, I am excited [agog J] to experience it!

I love You Lord. I thank You for the work You continue doing in our lives. Thank You for Christ. Crucified. Resurrected. And coming again. Thank You Lord. Amen.

(252 words ~ 5:45 p.m.)

Huge!

Sunday, February 20, 2011 (6:35 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

Thank You. Thank You that You love us so much. Talk to me today about that love and what it means. Tell me Lord. What does it mean to love the world so much that You would give Your “only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). That’s big Lord. Huge!

Yes Lord. Your love for us is indeed huge! I want to love like that. I read Your Word. I think on some of Your truths. I look at Your promises. I trust and act on the ones I think I understand. But that’s about me. And my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6).

I want to live this life YOUR way Lord! With love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. And self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

Oh most dear and thought provoking Lord. How I ask You to live in and through me as described in this chapter of Galatians. You did not send Your Son into this world to condemn it, but to save it (John 3:17).

You amaze me Lord. The deeper I go in Your Word the more huge love becomes. Even thinking about one aspect of Your love sends the rolodex of verses in my memory bank reeling! I turn to one and several more appear. Lord, You are awesome. Comforting (John 14:15-17). Safe. Trustworthy. All the things we need to survive in this world. All wrapped up in One. YOU!

In Isaiah (32:2) I find a description of You. “Each (a king who will reign righteously and princes who will rule justly – v.1) will be like a refuge from the wind And a shelter from the storm, Like streams of water in a dry country, Like the shade of a huge rock in a parched land.”

Thank You Lord that You are huge! Your love is huge. Your forgiveness. Your power. Your strength. All are inconceivably huge. Thank You Lord that You called me in to live my life in Your huge vastness. Teach me how to do it well. In and through YOU and Your mighty power. I love You Lord. Thank You. Amen.

(366 words ~ 8:03 a.m.)

regard

Saturday, February 19, 2011 (1:56 p.m.)

Most Holy Father God,

I love You. I trust You. I want to know You better than I do. I have thoughts and wonders that pertain to You. I have plans and ideas that regard You. Hmm. Yes. Lord. I regard You!

“Regard – verb: consider or think of in a specified way; gaze at steadily; have relation to or connection with; concern; pay attention to; heed.”

Mm. Yes Lord. I like to think that I regard You. Especially as it is expressed in Psalm 28. Verse one refers to You as a mighty Rock. A Rock of safety. The Rock to Whom we turn in times of trouble. Verse two describes a cry for mercy and a call for help with hands lifted high toward Your Most Holy Place.

Oh most dear and precious Lord. I’ve been there. And done that! Thank You that You not only allow such regard, You encourage us to come to You.

Verses three through five describe those who “speak kind words, while planning trouble” and do not regard the deeds Your hands have done. It is in verses six through eight (a) that my heart truly springs to attention. “Praise the Lord! For He has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. The Lord gives His people strength.”

Oh Most Dear and Blessed Lord, how I ask that You will give me the courage and the words to speak of You and Your love to others. You are so wonderful. So deserving to be praised. Free me to speak of Your mercies. Your joy. Your faithfulness. Your ‘plans for good and not for evil, to give a future and a hope’ (Jeremiah 29:11).

You alone are good, Dearest Lord. You alone are holy. You alone are worthy to be praised. Empower and enable me to share Your faith, hope and love (1Corinthians 13:13) with others. I love You. I thank You. I regard You. Bless You Dearest Lord. Amen.

(361 words ~ 2:36 p.m.)

acceptable

Friday, February 18, 2011 (8:22 a.m.)

Loving Lord,

I realize that I don’t even know how to begin this morning. I don’t want to waste time thinking about it. I just want to jump right in with thanks and praises. But how do I even do that? Doesn’t one need to be aware of what it is they are thinking or feeling? Or is random thanking and praising acceptable? Hmm. I wonder.

Isn’t that what I am continuously trying to be? Or just appear? Acceptable. To others. To You. To myself. Lord, I’m confessing to You that I truly don’t even know what acceptable looks like.

I have a lot of pretenses. Many “act as if…” s. Psalm 19:14 says it wonderfully. “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.”

Mm. That’s it Lord! This is truly where I want to place my energies. Having the words that come out of my mouth and the thoughts that ramble around inside me be acceptable to You. Let that be for me this day Dearest Lord. Words and thoughts that are acceptable to You, Oh Lord.

Acceptable. Yes. Acceptable. Teach me what that even looks like this day Dear Lord. Make ME acceptable that my words and meditations will be as well! Thank You Lord. I love You. Amen.

(233 words ~ 8:58 a.m.)

relief

Thursday, February 17, 2011 (7:35 a.m.)

Loving Lord,

Thank You! Thank You, thank You, thank You. Yesterday You allowed me to experience huge relief in the pain of my lower back. Physical relief that led to a great deal of emotional relief. Or was that vice versa? Yes. I do believe it was the other way around. Regardless of which came first Dearest Lord, I thank You. SO much!

Thank You that just now as I was turning to Ezra 9:8 to read a little bit about the relief from slavery Your people experienced I am completely dumbfounded. And at the very same time, truly agog!

Lord, there is so much hope for recovery written in Your Word. I’ve been allowing physical and emotional pain to get in the way of the joy You offer to all Your people. Just that little bit of relief yesterday opened a portal of blessings that I have been unable to see. I have once again been focusing on the negatives. It wasn’t my intent, but pain kept me blinded to Your blessings.

In church on Sunday I had made a mental note to come home and read more about ‘the joy of the Lord being my strength’ (Nehemiah 8:10). I’ve confessed to You in the past that I don’t have a lot of insight to this particular verse. It was on my way to Ezra just now that I was reminded to take a look around here. And I see hope. Hope for rebuilding. Hope to face the sadness. Hope to realize that “the joy of the Lord [which] gives us strength comes from recognizing, even celebrating, God’s ability to bring us out of bondage and to care for us as we pass through the sadness toward a new way of life” (Life Recovery 12-Step Devotional).

I confess Lord. I have been focusing on the sadness. On the pain. Thank You for allowing me just this little bit of relief that has opened the door for hope to come flooding in once again.

Thank You Lord that Ezra (9:8) presented these words to remind me “But we have been given a brief moment of grace, for the Lord our God has allowed a few of us to survive as a remnant. He has given us security in this holy place. Our God has brightened our eyes and granted us some relief from our slavery.”

Thank You Lord. Teach me to live every single aspect of my life through Your joy that is my strength. I confess I still struggle with that. Thank You for each and every time You allow me the relief to truly trust and believe, to honestly ‘be still and know that You [alone!] are God’ (Psalm 46:10).

And even here in another commentary Dearest Lord more hope is found. “God, the Commander of the heavenly armies, is here among us. If we put our life in His hands, we can rest, confident that He will protect us. He knows our weaknesses and can strengthen us in needed areas, helping us to overcome the attacks we face each day. It is true that our enemies are strong, but God is far more powerful than anything that might assail us.”

Ah! Thank You Lord. Thank You for YOUR relief that allows fear to give way to hope. I love You so much. Thank You. Amen.

(565 words ~ 8:43 a.m.)

Step Seven

Tuesday, February 15, 2011 (12:21 p.m.)

Loving Lord,

You kept me company all night long. Every time my back hurt or my thoughts spun out of control, You were right there singing hymns of peace to me. Thank You Lord. Thank You that even though I have purposefully attempted to ignore You all morning long, here I am.

Here, to ♫Pour out my heart To say that I love You Pour out my heart To say that I need You Pour out my heart To say that I’m thankful Pour out my heart To say that You’re wonderful Lord, that You’re wonderful♫

Thank You Lord. I forgot. I thought I had to carry this burden of not feeling okay by myself. I forgot that You are here for me (Matthew 11:28-30). Here with me. I don’t have to feel angry or sad or mad or bad by myself. I get to come right before You exactly as I am and ask You to hold this garbage with me. And even in saying that Lord, I realize I don’t want to hold garbage. No Sir. THAT I will let go of! You are definitely helping me decide what to keep and learn what to let go. Thank You Lord. Thank You!

Thank You too that I get to come before You to say whatever needs to be said. I don’t have to take it to other people. No. I get to bring it all to You. You know what’s going on inside me. There are doubts and struggles and fears, oh my! And YOU are bigger than them all. I CAN cry if I want to! I can also choose life over death (Deuteronomy 30:19). YOU are powerful! YOU are good. YOU are holy. And YOU are able! Thank You Lord. You are able to do for me all that I am not able to do for myself (2Corinthians 9:8).

Lord, I am here asking You to do exactly that. I have shortcomings and defects of character that no longer serve me well. I am powerless to remove them on my own. I am here ‘humbly asking You to remove these shortcomings’.

I have stopped ‘using’ food and other behaviors to stuff down hurts from the past (and the present). I feel extremely vulnerable and unprotected. There is a lot of pain involved in feeling things I wouldn’t necessarily allow myself to feel before. A great deal of judgment involved.

I love You Lord and I thank You for allowing me to feel my feelings without the pressure of having to try and fix them.

Lord, I am going to continue looking to You. Trusting You. And asking You to do in and through me that which I cannot possibly do for myself. Thank You Lord. I love You. Amen.

(469 words ~ 3:54 p.m.)

powerlessness

Sunday, February 13, 2011 (7:53 a.m.)

Loving Lord,

I love You.

Monday, February 14, 2011 (9:03 a.m.)

That’s as far as I could get yesterday. Pure. Simple. Stuck. Lord, I have to confess to You that I am struggling. Physically. Emotionally. And I truly don’t know what to do.

I thought for sure I was going to come and talk with You about love. Your love for us. Ours for You. One to another. But no. I’m here with James 1. Reading about difficulties being good for us (vs.2-4). And making sure that we really expect You to tell us when we ask You what You want us to do (5-8).

I feel like a failure Lord. “Unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind” (6). ARGH! Lord! 'Every decision I’ve made recently truly has been uncertain, as I turn first this way and then that' (7).

So. Lord. Just what would You have me do? Where do I fit in with my own life? How do I get passed the self-doubts and looking to others for permission and validation? It’s been over a week. I thought I had a clear direction from You. I expected it to be met with great acceptance and encouragement. When it wasn’t, I warily proceeded.

Cautiously. Guarding myself against opposition that I was sure would tell me I was wrong. Without intending it, the court of public opinion became a factor. And once again I am stalled. Caving. Unsure whether to continue on or to quit.

It’s a pattern of my life, Lord. I am truly confessing powerlessness to You Dearest Lord. I began doubting myself last week and now I’m practically drowning in the self-doubt.

Put my eyes back on You Dearest Lord.

(1:45 p.m.)

I took some more time away from here. Read again about Peter taking his eyes off You and looking at the high waves (Matthew 14:30). Lord, I keep doing that. This life with You is constant. Eternal. NOT for just one particular set of circumstances or situations. ‘It’s a marathon, not a sprint.’ And right at this very moment, I am not up to the task.

Once again I am confessing powerlessness. I am working through the twelve steps of recovery and in humbly asking You to remove my shortcomings, I am having to take a good, hard look at them. I am used to ignoring them Lord. Overlooking them. Working on other things in order to avoid them. Staying the course and working to identify my own issues is taxing. Daunting. Uncomfortable. But ultimately freeing.

Thank You Lord for the husband with whom I can share my innermost hurts and fears. Thank You for the relationship You are building between us that enables me to trust and be not afraid. Thank You for honesty, openness and willingness.

Give me the courage that Peter had to get out of the boat and to take that very first step. Keep my focus on You Dear Lord, NOT on the doubts and fears that so readily take me captive and keep me paralyzed.

I love You, Lord. It’s all I could think to say yesterday. Thank You that that is a truth that never changes. Like You! Constant. Eternal. Amen.

(548 words ~ 2:04 p.m.)

words

Saturday, February 12, 2011 (7:59 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

I come before You this morning Lord asking for words. Words to articulate my thoughts, feelings and gratitude to others.

(10:04 a.m.)

Mm. Lord. You are so good. For over two hours I have looked around in Your Word trying to find the verse You’d have for me today. When my search grew to over 400 possibilities I thought I’d never find it. Then I added the word ‘gratitude’ to the search and here I am in Colossians 3, traveling up from verse 16.

The title of this section (1-17) is “Principles to Live By”. Oh my Dearest Lord. What perfection. You know exactly what I need and just where it is I am to look for it. Thank You Lord.

Thank You that already this morning I’ve been able to use verse 13 to offer hope and insight into two different relationships. “Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Mm. Yes Lord. Forgive others. Yes.

Taking a look at The Cotton Patch Gospel, I read that we are to go after the things that are of You (v. 1) and kill off the things of this world (v.5). Then starting with verse twelve, we are to “Wear the clothes, then, that will identify you as people whom God has selected and dedicated and loved. Your outfit should include a tender heart, kindness, genuine humility, loyalty, persistence.”

Again reading through verse thirteen and then taking up at 14, “Over all these things wear love, which is the robe of maturity. And (15) let Christ’s peace, into which you were called as one fellowship, order your lives. And be thankful for it.” Yes Lord. Thankful.

Now changing over to The Living Bible (v. 16), I read “Remember what Christ taught, and let His words enrich your lives and make you wise; teach them to each other and sing them out in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing to the Lord with thankful hearts.” Mm, yes Lord. YOUR words!

Concluding with verse seventeen I pray the ability to adhere to these principles. “And whatever you do or say, let it be as a representative of the Lord Jesus, and come with Him into the presence of God the Father to give Him your thanks.” Yes Lord. This I pray. Give me Your words. Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(408 words ~ 11:25 a.m.)

frustration

Friday, February 11, 2011 (6:54 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

You are good and I am fighting myself this morning. Growling. Grumbling. Not in the least bit grateful. Just brat-like. Again.

So what will You do with me Lord? Speak to me about frustration? That’s all it is, isn’t it? I’m feeling frustrated. And I’m bringing it all right straight to You.

Thank You Lord. Thank You that even when I have set myself with seeming insurmountable tasks, You are right here to either help me succeed or recognize the flaws in my thinking. Thank You Lord that You are helping me learn that even though my thinking may at times be skewed, that doesn’t mean that I am inherently wrong. Thank You Lord. Thank You.

Thank You that You would use King Nebuchadnezzar and Your three faithful followers to again speak to me about devotion to You. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego faced a fiery furnace (Daniel 3) in faithfulness to You. I didn’t complete a few self-proclaimed projects yesterday and I’m stomping around here, wanting to kick something.

Thank You Lord. Thank You that even in the midst of my own unruliness, I get to come before You in all gruffness and You are still willing to work with me. Thank You Lord.

Thank You that because Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were so willing and able to stand firm in their faith in You the king ultimately praised You. What faithfulness. What commitment. What love. Forgive me my frustrations Lord. Work in and through me today. As YOU wish!

Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(264 words ~ 8:00 a.m.)

weird

Thursday, February 10, 2011 (8:04 a.m.)

Holy God,

I come to You this morning confessing weird. Strange. Odd. Quirky. Eccentric. Freakish. Unique… Not the way most people would want to describe themselves. But it fits. So very comfortably.

Speak to me this morning Lord. Talk to me about embracing my inner weirdness. I am NOT like other people. The way I think. The things that excite me. I’m different. W-A-Y different!

Where is this observation coming from? I have a project to do today. A project I took on as I believe was led by You. A project with which I truly am very pleased. Sending Valentine greetings as thank you notes for my mom’s condolences from last year. It’s weird Lord. The words morbid and gross have been used to describe the idea. Yet here I sit looking at the ones I created yesterday and I am pleased. Filled with self-doubt. And pleased!

Lord. I am asking You for the courage to just be me. The me You created me to be. I want to look to YOU for acceptance and approval. NOT to other people like I have through the bulk of my life. I love You. You created me. Weird as I can possibly be. Tap dancing, piano playing, puzzle solving, water loving me. I have fun being me. I enjoy my own company. I smile and laugh a lot on my own. It’s the social interactions where I doubt myself the most. The wondering if others think I am as weird as I know I am. Give me courage Lord. Courage to just go with my gut. Courage to send these notes with all the love and honor with which they were made. Courage to honor a woman who truly was “so loved” that no other day would be better to send out remembrances of her than one of her most favorite holidays.

And as boldly as I speak to You here Lord, the prayer of my heart still remains one of acceptance. I don’t want Mom’s friends and loved ones to think of me as weird as I think of myself.

I love You Lord. Empower me to do the right thing. Give me the words to express our love and thanks and to bypass the weirdness as much as possible. I love You. Thank You. Amen.

(392 words ~ 9:19 a.m.)

rule follower

Wednesday, February 9, 2011 (6:04 a.m.)

Awesome, Blessed Lord God,

Thank You! Yesterday I came before You feeling lost and disgruntled. I confessed a rotten attitude and throughout the course of the morning You changed it for me.

Thank You Lord. There was even an “Aha!” moment where I realized what I was most upset about. I have not been setting, nor maintaining, healthy emotional boundaries for myself. And just in recognizing that fact I felt the cloud of doom lift from around my shoulders. Thank You Lord.

Thank You too for the time yesterday when I heard myself say repeatedly that I am such a rule follower. It probably wasn’t earlier than the fourth or fifth time until I became fully aware that if I am going to be following anything with such intent, I want it to be YOU! How I ask You Lord to change me into one who follows YOU much better [and more earnestly] than any set of prescribed rules.

Lord, You are so good to hear and answer our prayers. You come into our hearts the instant we invite You in (Revelation 3:20). You give us our hearts’ desire (Matthew 14:28). And when we take our eyes off You, becoming afraid of our surroundings, crying out to You to save us (v. 30) “Immediately” You reach out Your hand to us (v.31).

Thank You Lord that as easy as it is to get caught up in the details of our everyday lives, Your plans for each of us are so much better. Healthier. Freer. And what do You ask of us? That we recognize “The Lord our God is the one and only God” (Mark 12:29) and love Him with ALL our hearts and souls and minds and strength (v. 30).

Thank You Lord. Make THAT the rule I follow! I love You so much. Help me grow in that love. Following You the whole way. Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(330 words ~ 7:11 a.m.)

most connected

Monday, February 7, 2011 (7:13 a.m.)

Blessed God,

Loving Lord. Holy Spirit. I’m planning on working in the yard today. There is MUCH to cut off and prune back. Lord. I love working in the yard. It is often where I feel most connected to You. Many times I practically sense Your presence. My head clears. Revelations seem to manifest out of nowhere. I am truly asking Your presence to be with me today.

There is MUCH to do! Plants (and weeds!) are overgrown. Frostbitten. Misshaped. Left to myself, I wouldn’t even know where to start. But Lord. YOU are the true vine (John 15:1) and Your Father is the Gardener. The two of You working together have been cutting and pruning me and I am so grateful.

Lord God, there is a peacefulness in me this morning that continues to be disrupted by surges of wild and fear ridden thoughts. There’s a negativity that continues trying to take root in my thinking. Thank You that You are here to tend to the garden of my heart, my soul, my mind and my strength. I look to You Dearest Lord. You, the One that produces fruit in those who stay connected to You.

As I go out today, deciding which branches to clip and which ones to keep, I am asking that You would keep me most connected to You. Open Your full lines of communication to me that I will understand completely what it is You have for me this day.

I love You Lord. I love You and I long to do Your will. Thank You for this opportunity to be most connected to You. I love You. Thank You. Amen.

(283 words ~ 8:36 a.m.)

"so loved"

Sunday, February 6, 2011 (7:39 a.m.)

Loving Lord,

You are so good. In fact Lord, I think of how good You are and the words “so loved” come to mind. ‘For You so loved the world that You gave Your one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life’ (John 3:16).

It’s one of those things that we’ve always been taught. We can so easily fall into the trap of just giving the whole concept simple lip service. Ah, but no. We can’t afford to take this truth for granted. This is big, HUGE stuff!

You “so loved” the world! Each and every single one of us in it. But I didn’t want to just stop there. There had to be another verse somewhere. And yes, there is. 1 John 4:11, “Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” Mm, yes Lord. We are to love one another. You say it over and over throughout Your Word.

Dearest, Sweetest Lord how I ask You to continue Your work in me that I would learn to love as You designed us. Freely. Unconditionally. Without reservation.

This is a brand new day. Filled with possibilities. Let me use it wisely Lord. Let it be when we come to the end of it this evening that I will look back on it as a day that I truly “so loved” others.

I love You so very much Dearest Lord. Thank You that this is only possible because You first “so loved” the world. Thank You Lord. I love You. Amen.

(269 words ~ 8:07 a.m.)

depend

Saturday, February 5, 2011 (7:37 a.m.)

Most Holy God,

I love You. You are good. You are faithful. And I love You. Thank You for the opportunity to get to know and trust You more and more. I depend on You Lord. I used to depend mostly on myself, others, the court of public opinion... When that changed so did everything else in my life.

Take right now for instance. I came out here to speak to You about being satisfied. I thought about it all night long. I had questions to ask and suppositions to make. Thank You that You know so much more than I. Thank You Lord that You know exactly where You want my focus. On You. Depending on You!

Lord, forty-six weeks ago You and I sat right here in this very house as You spoke to me about the importance of ‘letting my roots grow down into You and drawing up nourishment from You’ (Colossians 2:7). You went on to tell me “See that you go on growing in the Lord, and become strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let you lives overflow with joy and thanksgiving for all He has done.”

May I just say “WOW!” and “Thank You God”? That very Saturday (46 weeks ago) You allowed the majority of my mom’s family to enjoy THE most delightful day with her in quite some time. And the very next day You took her away to be with You. Thank You Lord. Thank You for having grounded me so sturdily in Your Word that morning that when the time came to truly rely on and trust You, we were ready.

The preceding verse (6) that Saturday morning last March was, “And now just as you trusted Christ to save you, trust Him, too, for each day’s problems; live in vital union with Him.” I like to think I have done just that Lord. You are growing us. In ways we could have never imagined. And we are grateful. Wonderfully, truly grateful.

The verse You gave to me this morning (Colossians 1:29) did not mention the word ‘satisfied’ yet I realize how convinced I am in its truth. In his letter to the people of Colosse Paul told them of his talking about Christ wherever he went. “I work very hard at this, as I depend on Christ’s mighty power that works within me”.

It is on Your ‘mighty power that works within me’ that I depend each day Dearest Lord. Thank You for the strength and the courage it invokes. Use me this day as You wish, continuing to grow and nourish me as only You can. I love You so very much Dearest Lord. Thank You. Amen.

(458 words ~ 8:34 a.m.)

blessings, blessings, blessings

Friday, February 4, 2011 (7:18 a.m.)

Blessed God,

Blessings, blessings, blessings abound! Everywhere I turn Dearest Lord I am reminded of Your great and wonderful blessings.

Thank You Lord. Thank You for working in and through me to break former patterns. Thank You that old diseased ways of thinking are giving way to new and much healthier ones. Thank You that the blessings You provide us each and every day keep us coming back to You for more.

This morning, in just thinking about blessings I find myself in the midst of Jacob’s final one to his sons (Genesis 49). His remarks concerning each of them may seem harsh. Ah, but he was honest. They weren’t perfect. Neither was he. But he wanted to give them helpful direction before he left them.

Thank You Lord. Thank You that we have so much we can learn from parents of the Bible. As well as our own. Thank You that You don’t call any of us to be perfect. Just accepting of Your forgiveness and willing to make the changes necessary to take us into even deeper relationship with You.

Thank You Lord that You are so good. So loving. So kind. So forgiving. What an awesome, wonderful God You are. Full of blessings.

In describing the strengths and weakness of all his sons, Jacob had this to say regarding Joseph (vs. 22-26), “Joseph is a fruitful vine, a fruitful vine [also read ‘a wild colt’] near a spring, whose branches climb over a wall. With bitterness archers attacked him; they shot at him with hostility. But his bow remained steady, his strong arms stayed limber, because of the Mighty One of Jacob, because of the Shepherd, the Rock of Israel, because of your father’s God, who helps you, because of the Almighty, who blesses you with blessings of the heavens above, blessings of the deep that lies below, blessings of the breast and womb. Your father’s blessings are greater than the blessings of the ancient mountains, than the bounty of the age-old hills. Let all these rest on the head of Joseph, on the brow of the prince among his brothers.”

Lord God, thank You for the reminder that ALL our blessings come from You. Joseph was ever faithful to You. Thank You for his example. Thank You Jacob’s spelling out of the things You are to us. “Mighty One. Shepherd. Rock of Israel. Your father’s God, who helps you. The Almighty, who blesses you with blessings…

Oh most dear and precious Lord. Blessings abound. Help us use them wisely. For Your good and Your glory. Thank You so very much Dearest Lord. I love You. Amen.

(445 words ~ 9:08 a.m.)

focus!

Thursday, February 3, 2011 (6:14 a.m.)

Good Morning Dearest Lord,

I am here. You are good. Help me focus on YOU! I get so easily distracted. Take me deep into Your Word this morning, far away from all the things that would normally get in the way of You and I spending time together.

Lord, I want to thank You for the way You are working around here. You are definitely helping us decide what to keep and what to let go of. Thank You Lord. This is huge new territory for us. Working. Together. As a team. Encouraging one another. Listening to each other. Caring. Being kind and gentle. That is definitely YOU at work here in and through both of us. Thank You Lord. Thank You so very much!

What a blessing You are most precious God. I ask. You answer. Today at the end of First Chronicles.

(12:57 p.m.)

You answered. I read. And went promptly back to sleep. Lord God, thank You! Thank You that You are so good. So faithful. Thank You that You made us a people with choices. We get to choose. Deliberately. Or by default. Everything we think, say, do and become is because You gave us the gift of choice.

Thank You Lord. Every single thing I have done (and NOT done) so far this day has been as a result of where I choose to put my focus. Thank You Lord. You are teaching me to let go of things and in the process I am learning to let go of habits, mindsets and patterns that have not served me well in the past. Thank You Lord.

Thank You for allowing me the gift of excitement in learning. Deeply rooted desires of playing the piano well, learning to tap dance, living in a healthy, loving, uncluttered environment are gifts that are coming to pass. Joyous, gracious gifts on Your part. Gifts for which I am eternally grateful.

Lord, in the past I have had a great deal of trouble staying focused. King David prayed to You on behalf of his son, the next king of Israel. He concluded his prayer (1Chronicles 29:19) by saying “And give my son Solomon an uncluttered and focused heart so that he can obey what you command, live by Your directions and counsel, and carry through with building The Temple for which I have provided.”

Lord, You have reasons for every single thing You do. Today I choose to trust You without question. My plea is that You will continue Your amazing work around here by enabling me to focus on the remaining task at hand. The sorting of and ‘deciding what to keep’ process concerning our Christmas items is almost done. Empower me to finish it in these next few hours so that I may deliberately continue this work throughout the house.

I love You so much Dearest Lord. Thank You for the courage and the strength to make tough decisions of what to keep and what to let go. I love You. Thank You. Amen.

(512 words ~ 1:21 p.m.)

changes

Wednesday, February 2, 2011 (7:42 a.m.)

Awesome God,

Thank You for relief from pain. Thank You for tools with which to relax and adjust my body. Thank You Lord that You created us so perfectly.

Thank You Lord for change. Mm. Lord. Talk to me today about changes. Turning to the index at the back of my Bible where ‘change’ might be, I find ‘character defects’ and ‘choices’. No ‘change’ there. Adding the s to the end of the word narrows my Internet search from 77-100 possibilities to a much more manageable 4-5 entries. It’s in Daniel that I stop.

Chapter two tells of the forgotten dream of a powerful king. Your faithful follower Daniel was able to interpret for him what no one else was able. Giving credit to You, where it so rightfully belonged, Daniel praised You (verse 20) by saying, “Blessed be the name of God, forever and ever. He knows all, does all: He changes the seasons and guides history…”

Dearest Lord, You take such great and tender care of Your children. You are in control. You make changes in and through us that we could never possibly make for ourselves. How I thank You Lord.

Thank You for creating us, loving us and ultimately changing us to fit the mold You have for us.

How I ask You to continue working in us here as we make the changes You know are necessary for us in becoming the people You so want us to be.

We love You Lord. We thank You. And we look to You for the courage and the strength to keep making changes. Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(279 words ~ 8:39 a.m.)

amazing

Tuesday, February 1, 2011 (7:43 a.m.)

Amazing God,

You are so good. We get to turn to You always. In times of praise and in desperation. Thank You Lord. Thank You that You provide ample opportunities for us to ‘try You’ (Malachi 3:10) and prove that You are indeed trustworthy.

I did that the other night. In deep sadness I came to You. I gave You my hurting heart and You turned it into one of praise and thanksgiving. Thank You Lord. Thank You for teaching us to trust You with our deepest selves.

Thank You that we needn’t hide anything from You. You provide help, healing and wholeness to those who are willing to bring their pain before You. Thank You Lord.

Thank You for Job’s example as one who did nothing wrong yet suffered indescribable losses. He was a good and righteous man yet You allowed his faith in You to be tested severely. Thank You Lord that through it all he trusted You. He had an amazing faith in You that is available to us all.

Continue Your work in us most dear and holy God. Changing us from the inside out. Thank You for removing the defects of our characters. The things that distract us from knowing and seeing You in our lives.

You keep giving us opportunities to change. Supply us with the courage we need to make those changes.

♫Jesus Messiah, name above all names Blessed Redeemer, Emmanuel The rescue for sinners The ransom from Heaven Jesus Messiah, Lord of all… Love so amazing… The Lord of all♫

Thank You for helping me learn that it’s so much more important for me to come before You with ALL I am right off the bat. Thank You that You know and accept me with all my faults and I no longer have to waste Your precious time trying to figure them out and getting rid of them before coming unto You. Amazing. Lord, Your are truly amazing!

Work in me this day. Finely tuning me to wherever it is You’d have me use Your time and energy. Thank You Lord. I love You so much! Amen.

(361 words ~ 8:53 a.m.)