turmoil

Saturday, February 13, 2010 (5:43 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

Beloved God. Holy Father. Torment. Turmoil. Two words that just came to my mind.

Lord. I want to live my life so others see You, not all the chaos I am carrying around with me.

I want to be encouraging. Light hearted. Yours. Show me Lord. Guide and direct me onto Your path of peace and contentment.

I confess to You Dearest Lord. I take simple things and complicate them. I think I know what You want or have for me and I run, willy-nilly out and about until I exhaust myself.

Little by little I inch myself back. Taking time to examine situations and circumstances that I created. Wondering. What was I thinking?

Lord. Thank You that I never have to stay, alone, in the messes of my own making. You are here. You are willing. Being the Gentleman that You are, You wait to be invited in. Revelation 3:20, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.”

Oh yes Lord! Come in! Come in. ♫Into my heart, Into my heart, Come into my heart Lord Jesus. Come in today. Come in to stay. Come into my heart Lord Jesus♫

Oh most Dear and Blessed Lord. I know it’s You I need. It’s You I long to follow. Then I get sidetracked. I start paying more attention to the things that are not of my liking than to what is truly good. Lord, I know You are weeding me. Pulling out all the unnecessary things that don’t stimulate healthy growth. Thank You for that.

So I have to ask You Lord. Gentleman that You are! Will You please, please, PLEASE take over command of my life! I’m making mistakes. I keep summoning up my own strength and courage then quickly fizzle out.

I’m turning to You Lord, yet again. Confessing. Asking. Seeking. Knocking. YOUR will Lord! Your best.

Snarky [sharply critical; cutting; snide; cranky; irritable] discouraging comments around here have broken my spirit. I can no longer stand up against them. I use to try and ignore them, hoping the least said about them the better.

They’ve taken their toll on me Lord. There is definite, genuine love in this household. Love that only comes from You. There are glimpses of it all over the place. It’s the unloving, unkind, unhelpful, hurtful things that are said in passing that glare out their presence here.

I want to see You Lord.

And again! Here You are! I pour out my heart to You. I am honest before You (and anyone else who may read this) and You hear me and reply.

Thank You God that the very first verse I looked up this morning was Psalm 39:2. Starting with verse one, “I said to myself, I’m going to quit complaining! I’ll keep quiet, especially when the ungodly are around me. But as I stood there silently the turmoil within me grew to the bursting point. The more I mused, the hotter the fires inside. Then at last I spoke and pled with God” (3).

Not wanting to lose sight of this nugget as I continued searching Your Word, I marked it with a children’s valentine puzzle page from the local paper. With the teddy bears holding hearts it was even more precious to turn back into the Psalms and read commentators say, “God’s timing is always worth waiting for. If we look to Him for help, He will rescue us from destruction and despair and from the things that hold us down.” “Every time that he (the Psalmist) felt entrapped, he called out to God for help.” “God will respond as many times as we call out to Him.”

And then, looking across the page, the one still marked by the paper decorated with hearts and arrows I read “Hope” titling a devotion with regards to Psalm 42:1-11.

“As a deer pants for water, so I long for You, O God.” I do Lord!

The devotion speaks of getting lost in our memories of ‘the good old days’ when things aren’t quite to our liking during the bad times. “We may struggle with conflicting emotions, teetering between the extremes of depression and hope. The psalmist reflected these emotions, saying to himself, ‘Take courage, my soul! Do you remember those times…? Why then be downcast? Why be discouraged and sad? Hope in God! I shall yet praise Him again… O my soul, don’t be discouraged. Don’t be upset. Expect God to act! For I know that I shall praise Him for all that He will do. He is my help! He is my God!”

You are Lord! YOU are my help! YOU are my God! Help me with this crisis of my soul dear Lord. I can’t fight my way through it. I’m not doing the things I know that need to be done. Work in me. Work through me. “Come in and fellowship with me” (Revelation 3:20) that I will walk out with You into this day.

I love You Lord! Thank You. Amen.

(865 words ~ 7:01 a.m.)