life-giving

Saturday, November 7, 2009 (4:12 a.m.)

Life-Giving God,

I bristled negatively at a comment made in passing last night Lord. I took offense and allowed it to cast an ugly darkness to an otherwise lovely day. Why do I keep taking words so personally Lord? And more importantly, how do I stop?

I thought it was awesome that the song I woke up with this morning was ♫Give me oil in my lamp, Keep me burning, burning, burning…♫ Yet I’ve been sitting out here for more than an hour and a half refusing to sing it any further, because it just seems like another demand I’m putting out to You. Where’s the ‘please’ or the ‘thank You’? Where’s the love or adoration? Just “Give me”.

I can’t do it. I won’t! (Interesting that I just typed that word as ‘want’!) Life-Giving God, speak to me. Oh, I see. Somehow I think it’s demanding to say ‘give me’, but ‘speak to me’ is okay? Hmm. You definitely have Your work cut out for Yourself in me!

Lord, thank You that I get to be this honest with You. I get to run all over the place, exhausting myself until I finally come back before You, willing to listen to You ~ and learn!

Lord, help me learn what it is that You want me to know about living my life in and through You. I keep going out there ahead of You, creating situations that just don’t have to be the way I make them.

And here You are, the Life-Giving God of the universe offering Your love and guidance to me. But do I accept it? Oh no, I just keep my own stubborn approach to things, thank You very much. It’s what I’m used to. You know, the way I was raised.

Hmm. God. You can do something with that too. Can’t You? Okay. You win. Here it is ♫Give me oil in my lamp, Keep me burning, burning, burning. Give me oil in my lamp, I pray. Give me oil in my lamp, Keep me burning, burning, burning. Keep me burning Till the break of day♫ Yes Lord. I know. ‘But wait! There’s more!’ J

♫Sing Hosanna! Sing Hosanna! Sing Hosanna to the King of Kings! Sing Hosanna! Sing Hosanna! Sing Hosanna to the King!♫

Oh bless me Father, for I have sinned! Where do I come off thinking that that statement right there is any less demanding than “Give me…”?

Lord, I love You. You gave me life. In You. To live as You would have me. Please teach me how to do that. I want to encourage. Instill. Inspire. And on a day-to-day basis I continue taking offense, shutting myself off, trying in my own strength and power to protect myself and those around me from the harsh words and tones of others. Teach me to live in You Lord. Give me (ouch! Awkward!) joy in my heart to keep me singing, peace in my heart to keep me resting and love in my heart to keep me serving that I would genuinely ♫Sing Hosanna to the King!♫

Lord, I truly love You. And as I take the time to more fully examine the meaning of ‘hosanna’, again I am blessed by You even more. “Liberate us!” “Set us free!” “Save us!” Oh Lord, how I ask that You would do exactly that.

Breathe Your life-giving breath (Genesis 2:7) into every fiber of my being that I would truly be liberated, freed and saved from the critical, defensive bent that I so naturally fall back to. I love You so much Lord. Thank You for coming to “give life in all its fullness” (John 10:10). Make me amiable to “life-giving rebukes” (Proverbs 15:31) and sure-footed in “Your life-giving light” (Psalm 56:13). I love You. Amen.

(641 words ~ 8:10 a.m.)