protective

Monday, June 15, 2009 (6:57 a.m.)

Beloved Lord God,

I love You. I want to be honest with You this morning and starting with ‘I love You’ is easy for me. Why is that?

Already today I’ve grumbled and griped and carried on about so many other things in my mind, but when I sit down with You none of it seems important enough to mention. Thank You for that Dear Lord. I want to be grateful. You know that I have far more than what I need for which to be thankful. Thank You for Your provision and Your presence. Thank You that all the thoughts I concern myself with on a regular basis don’t even come to mind as I sit here with You. Thank You Lord for Your protective love (Psalm 121:5).

Lord, I can’t even begin to adequately thank You for allowing me to ramble on and on with You until a certain word or thought comes along. ‘Protective’. I keep thinking I should be strong enough, wise enough, committed enough to do and think and feel and be (Mark 12:30) all that You would have me doing and thinking, feeling and being. But that isn’t it, is it Lord?

All my strength, all my resources come from You. These are not things I can manufacture on my own. They only come from me coming before You weak and pitiful asking for more strength, more power, more courage just to get me through the day.

Again I confess to not knowing how to live freely, abundantly, courageously. I fear. I doubt. I second guess. I realize You have more for me than that. I’m still stuck in not utilizing my full potential. And I’m coming right straight to You about it.

I could type all the ‘right’ words. I could pretend to You and everyone else that all is as I want it. But You know my heart Dear Lord. You know me through and through (Psalm 139). And the really cool thing about it is that You love me anyway! Thank You Lord.

No. All is not going as I wish it were. There are challenges and struggles for which I feel embarrassed and ashamed, because after all, I should be passed all this by now. My plan was to become a Christian, do all the ‘right’ things, get gold stars by my name at every turn and live happily ever after. The ‘choose your own ending’ book I seem to be living doesn’t appear to have these options in it. But You are indeed an awesome God! And every time I think I couldn’t possibly take any more disappointment or disapproval (mostly from myself) here You are to remind me that You indeed are ‘the author and finisher of our faith’ (Hebrews 12:2). So with yet another glimpse of Your grace, I can go and face another day with all its struggles and challenges, disappointments and disapprovals, knowing, trusting, firmly believing that through it all I am becoming more of who You created me to be.

Part of me wants to apologize to You for taking so long to learn the truths You would have me live, but another part wants to trust and believe that this too falls under Your protective plan (Jeremiah 29:11). I love You Lord. And I thank You for all You are and all You do. Thank You Lord. Amen.

(569 words ~ 7:58 a.m.)