judging not

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 (7:30 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

Good morning. And thank You. Thank You for the chance to feel better than I have in a few days. Thank You for being here with me in the not feeling good of it all. And thank You especially for not taking me seriously when I quite overdramatically requested ‘just let me die’. NOT something to joke about at all I know. Oh but I hadn’t felt this bad in such a long time I had forgotten what not feeling good felt like.

With that said, Lord how I thank You for the reminder. Here I have been silently judging some family members and loved ones for what I had perceived as minor inconveniences. Forgive me Lord for not remembering the importance of ‘judging not lest I be judged’ (Luke 6:37).

Thank You Lord that with just this little bit of reminding I get to turn in the Bible Handbook again to read that “Relationships with others are to be free of judging, filled with forgiveness.” Thank You too Lord that Your Word is filled with promises for each of us. Thank You that we are allowed to come before You exactly as we are, confessing our guilt and shame for all that we have done or left undone, and You continue loving and forgiving us.

What a blessing to be so loved by the Creator of the universe. Thank You Lord. This morning I ask that You would allow be to behave lovingly, not judgmentally, towards others. Continue calling me to examine my own attitudes and behaviors, not criticizing others for theirs. I love You Lord and want to grow more like You with every breath I take. Thank You for all You do to make that happen. I love You. Amen.

(301 words ~ 8:18 a.m.)

profound

Sunday, June 28, 2009 (6:39 a.m.)

Father God,

I missed being here yesterday. Again, it was one of those days where my plan was to come in as soon as I got done with just this one more thing. Not a good plan at all. But Lord, it did turn out to be a day filled with blessings. Plentiful blessings for which I am most grateful. Thank You Lord.

Yes Lord, this morning I come before You grateful for Your abundance. The way You provide for us. The things You do to keep our focus on You Lord. Thank You for them all Dear Lord.

I’m smiling right now Lord. Once again You have surprised me. I thought the word for today would go along the lines of Your abundant provisions to us. But no, instead I am reading about Paul’s trial before Felix (Acts 24). Having thought of Your profound blessings to us, I started this current line of examination by turning to verse 3 of said chapter.

It was my thinking that a verse speaking of excellence and acknowledging ‘this with profound gratitude’ would be directed toward You. Here again I jumped ahead, making another incorrect assumption.

Lord, as I continue looking to You and Your Word, I ask that You would go before us [as a family who struggles greatly to get along with one another] as some of us go to worship and fellowship together. Bless us in the ways You have decided we need. Making us grateful, stronger and far more loving than we could ever imagine being if it were not for Your profound provisions and presence in our lives.

I love You so much Dear Lord. Make us acceptable in Your sight Most Holy God. I love You. Amen.

(296 words ~ 7:42 a.m.)

Stubborn!

Thursday, June 25, 2009 (6:38 a.m.)

Gracious God,

Here I am. Having made some mountains out of molehills yesterday, here I am asking You Lord to help me do things differently. Sure I could have come to You with this sooner, while it was all happening. But I knew I’d have to listen and learn from You if I did.

I wasn’t ready for that Lord. Nope. I was stubborn. Mule-headed kind of stubborn! And even in looking up that definition I find that no, I was PIG-headedly stubborn (a much older word with the description of being “stupidly stubborn”). Yep! Stupidly stubborn sums it up very nicely.

Thank You Father that although much time was lost in my refusal to let go of a seeming triviality, much grace was found in the offing. Thank You Lord.

Friday, June 26, 2009 (6:04 a.m.)

Blessed Father,

Here I am with an even greater “Thank You, Lord”. Not only did You allow me to recognize myself as being “stupidly stubborn”, I was also able to confirm how quickly I make assumptions and automatically jump to conclusions. Oh but the even bigger lesson here was how very often in doing that do I make mistakes. Careless mistakes. Potentially life threatening mistakes… Like almost hitting our neighbors in their car blocks away from our homes because I got distracted and concluded it was still safe to proceed through an intersection.

Father God, thank You for Your grace and protection in keeping all of us safe. Thank You also for their collective good natures that would so willingly forgive my having scared them so much.

But even there You helped drive home the importance of my paying attention to detail. Thank You Lord that because of the circumstances leading up to all of the situations these last few days, I get to learn even more about myself. And in the process, continually come back to You - asking for another glimpse of grace.

Thank You Lord that You opened the door for more communication between Terry and I concerning the upcoming New Mexico trip. Through the bitter words, stony silences and hurt feelings there has come deeper understanding, greater concern for one another and far more gentleness. Thank You Lord.

Thank You too for the lessons we get to learn in Your Word regarding our own stubborn ways. Through the ancient prophets Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel and Hosea, You had much to say to Your people concerning their stubbornness. Lord, thank You for their examples!

My own inclination is to continue plowing my way through things, demanding my own way. Thank You Lord that Your Way is better, brighter, easier. And with all that said, [as silly as it sounds] I have another seemingly trivial situation before me today. Having jumped to another inaccurate conclusion, I find myself solely in charge of the surprise birthday celebration for my mom and her forty years younger granddaughter we are taking to Disneyland this afternoon. I haven’t done this on my own before Lord. And I confess to feeling especially daunted by the whole thing.

So rather than stick to by own stubborn ploys of the past [pouting, pleading, attempting to manipulate] I am instead coming straight to You asking Your will be done throughout the entire process. From beginning to end Lord, You be glorified. We planned this trip to honor and celebrate my mom’s 80^th birthday, as well as my niece’s 40^th. That hasn’t changed. Let it be even more than what I could possibly make it. I confess to being afraid of all the ‘what if’ variables. I want instead to live and walk in the mighty power of Your strength.

Thank You for the powerful work You have done in changing my stubborn nature these last few days. Continue having Your way with me Lord. I like me better when I let You lead. Yes Lord, “You lead, I’ll follow”! I love You! Thank You. Amen.

(658 words ~ 7:07 a.m.)

Shocked!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 (6:05 a.m.)

“God of Grace,

“And God of Glory, On Thy people pour Thy power…” Most Holy God, I don’t even know where to begin in thanking You today.

I notice myself changing. I believe it’s me becoming more aware of and ‘in tune’ with myself. I know from past experience that this can very quickly and easily turn quite ugly. I’ve ventured out at ‘growing up’ before, only to become so sharp and abrasive that I didn’t even like myself. So this time, “I’m leavin’ it all up to You (ooh-ooh) You decide what I’m ‘sposed to do…”

What a novel idea Lord! Turn to You first. Get my plans [marching orders, if You will] from You and then proceed. Yes. I like coming to You empty of my own agenda, asking You to fill me as You know is best. That’s exactly what I’m doing here this morning Lord.

Father, I confess to having been absolutely shocked yesterday upon discovering how different Terry’s and my expectations were concerning our upcoming trip to New Mexico. While I had every intention of camping right along with the rest of them, I am still reeling at the thought of Terry not knowing me well enough [after 36 years, mind You!] to realize ‘sans restroom’ is not a plan I would fully [nor joyfully] embrace. Lord, all the while we’re laughing and joking about this, I admit how stunned I still am at the very thought of our very differing assumptions.

Thank You that we have You to interpret for us! Both of us had very compelling reasons to believe as we did. What a surprising realization that we still have so much more to learn. Thank You that You are here to comfort, guide, and direct us.

I keep turning to Paul’s letter to the Galatians this morning and sighing. Various verses [beginning with 1:6] and themes [One Gospel, sowing, reaping] jump out at and ‘speak’ to me. Oh Lord, I feel so safe and secure in Your presence. Thank You!

Lord, how many times have I read in Galatians before? How often have I quoted selected verses from here [the Fruit of the Spirit (5:22,23) immediately comes to mind]? How have I previously missed [here again is that shocking realization that I don’t know something near as well as I thought I did!] the focus on ‘freedom in Christ’ throughout these chapters?

Oh my goodness Lord! What another joyous glimpse of Your grace! Thank You for Your faithfulness in continuing to provide for us our every need. Help me continue this process of allowing You to cultivate me as You know is necessary. I love You so much Dear Lord. Grow me into the exact woman You would have me be. I trust You Lord. Amen.

(461 words ~ 7:10 a.m.)

attention

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 (6:23 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

Thanks for the fun little play with numbers just now. You know ~ June 23, 6:23. Why do You think that it’s the simplest little things that get my attention?

Mmm, Lord, let me pay close attention to the things You want me to know today. I confess to You how very often I start out in one direction, only to very quickly take a sharp turn one way or another. Lord, help me learn to have You and Your Way as my main focus!

Sitting here with You this morning it seems that everywhere I turn something comes back to affirming our need for connection with You and Your Word. Thank You for this Dear Lord. This particular morning it seems so easy to see You and Your hand in all I encounter.

I continue referring to this particular year (me at 55) as “my year of learning to ‘keep it so simple’”. Thank You for helping me recognize my need for the simple, easier things You have to offer us. Thank You for guiding and directing me towards simplicity.

Most Dear and Precious God, I am hugging my Bible to my chest. Again, everything I read, everywhere I turn, there’s another confirmation that this is indeed the right track. Thank You Lord.

Peter’s second letter to believers everywhere brings it home, loud and clear. Written ‘to help his readers keep their focus on God’s grace and truth’ and NOT on the false teachings of those who had come to deceive them, I can’t thank You enough for his example Lord. He speaks of surrender to You Lord and the importance of learning to know You better and better (1:2).

It was verse 19’s containing the word ‘attention’ that brought me to this particular book this morning. It’s Peter’s continued emphasis of knowing You and Your power and Your peace that’s kept me captive and unable to leave it.

Lord, I love You so much more than I am even presently aware. Thank You for another glimpse of Your grace this morning. Help me know You better and better and in the process learn to keep things as simple as You would have them.

I love You Lord. Amen.

(375 words ~ 7:53 a.m.)

different

Monday, June 22, 2009 (5:56 a.m.)

Late night. Early morning. Strange day. Awesome God!

Lord, I can’t even begin to thank You enough for the incredible work You did in me yesterday. I can try by simply saying “Thank You” for giving me a far more relaxed and enjoyable time spent with my mom. Maybe I’ve been trying too hard to do too much regarding her care. Perhaps taking a simpler approach will allow greater enjoyment, for each of us. Thank You for the idea of doing less and possibly yielding more.

Thank You too for the desire to commingle Jake’s two oldest boy’s families yesterday to celebrate Father’s Day; adding another relaxing, highly enjoyable aspect to the day.

Lord, I like listening to You! I fully appreciate promptings from Your Holy Spirit. Just like getting up much earlier than usual this morning. Lord, I have to confess. It’s been so long that I didn’t even know that the sun would already be out at five something in the morning. Another surprise. As is having others stirring around in the house this early.

Again, Lord. Thank You! Thank You that You are teaching us to get along with each other. Teaching us to communicate in healthier ways. Even teaching me the awkward, different dynamics of living in a home with three males. Wow! Who knew [well, You did!] how different – yes! There’s my word for today! – things can be?

Yes Lord. Talk to me this morning about ‘different’. “Not the same as another or each other; unlike in nature, form, or quality; novel and unusual; distinct; separate…” Oh yes Lord! There’s plenty here. “Dissimilar, unalike, contrasting, varying, changed, altered, transformed, new, unfamiliar, unknown, strange, individual, discrete, independent, out of the ordinary, fresh, original, unconventional, exotic, uncommon…”

As the list goes on, my heart quickens to think of how different You made each of us Lord. You, the Creator of the universe, You knew exactly what You were doing! Thank You Lord!

Thank You especially that the song I sang in church (Packinghouse, Redlands CA) yesterday, that I woke up singing this morning and had difficulty locating on the internet earlier, just became available to me. Using a different approach I now have the words before me with which to sing wholeheartedly to You, “With a song in my heart I’m gonna run to You With a song in my heart I’m gonna run. With praise in my mouth I’m gonna run to You With praise in my mouth I’m gonna run. With a song in my heart, and praise in my mouth, I will stand to my feet and worship You now Though my strength is gone and I don’t know how I’m gonna run.”

I cry every time Lord! The tears come so readily whenever I admit that I don’t know how I’m going to do something, but that I do know that I can count on You to provide the strength I need. “I’m gonna run” And not just anywhere mind You. No! “I’m gonna run TO YOU” - with a song in my heart and praise in my mouth! Oh, yes, dear Lord let me stand to my feet and worship You now! All the while running to You!

What a different outcome it makes when instead of running from something, whatever it may be, we are actually running to You! Thank You Lord.

As I sit here considering how different You have made each of us, I turn to 1 Corinthians (4:7 and many of the verses in chapter 12) and realize that I am not the first to be made aware of this. Thank You Lord for Your faithful saints that have gone before us, helping to pave the way on which we run to You. Thank You that I don’t have to know how, I just have to be willing. Thank You that You keep working in me to provide the desire. It all comes from You dear Lord and I am so incredibly grateful! Thank You for making me different. I love You! Amen.

(580 words ~ 7:49 a.m.)

Father's Day

Sunday, June 21, 2009 (5:20 a.m.)

Amazing God,

Thank You! Again You surprise me. It’s Father’s Day. And I get to celebrate You as my Father. Wow! What a thought! What an honor and a privilege.

Thank You God that we are ‘so loved (John 3:16) by You that You gave Your only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.’ How often do I forget that Lord?

Not intentionally. Not on purpose. But how often do I get so caught up in the thoughts of all the other things to think about in the course of a day and completely forget that I am truly “so loved”.

Thank You God that it is the tiniest of glimpses of Your grace that bring me back to remembering how great You are. Take this very instant. In looking for my hymnal I find that several of my books are not where they belong. Did I move them? Is someone else using them? I honestly don’t know.

But in looking for them just now, I found evidence of one son’s love for his father and Bam! Just that fast I am in tears trying to thank You for it.

We, in this family, struggle with our relationships. We get angry instead of joyful. We ‘pick’ instead of please. We complain rather than compliment. We make misery instead of merriment. But You Lord, You don’t leave us alone in our humanness. No. You sent Your Son to show us the Way [and the Truth and the Life (John 14:6)] and I can’t even begin to thank You enough for that.

Your grace is what allows us to keep coming back to one another and trying again. We falter, we fail and Your love allows us the chance to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and go on from there. Lord, I never can adequately thank You for the opportunity to be ‘so loved’ by You. Thank You for this reminder!

Thank You for a clean kitchen this morning, Lord. Dishes that I didn’t do are clean and put away [another glimpse of Your grace!]. The sweet smell of fresh strawberries mixed with cream adds another level of delight to the day. And even as I recognize this work as having been done on behalf of one dad, I get to reap the benefits of his celebration.

Thank You that Your love works like that as well Dear Lord. We never offer it to one that others aren’t blessed by Your goodness, mercy and grace. Thank You Lord!

Now, very selfishly, I ask that You would go before me, as well as in and with me as I prepare to meet another Sunday head on. I confess, Lord, right here for all the world to see, that I have yet to come to regard spending time with my mom as the gift that I believe it’s supposed to be. It’s challenging. It’s work. I don’t relish or appreciate it. I’m turning it to You. Asking You to do all the work that is necessary to change my heart on this. I don’t want to continue putting off and dreading the next two hours.

Two hours? Oh my goodness! There’s a cake to make and pills to sort. I’m behind already. Thank You for this time together to at least get the day started out of the right foot!

Happy Father’s Day, ‘Daddy God’. I love You! Amen.

(580 words ~ 6:28 a.m.)

Love

Saturday, June 20, 2009 (6:29 a.m.)

Loving Lord,

I want to hear from You about love ~ Wow! No sooner said [tapped] than done! Turning in my Bible to 1 Corinthians 3:4-7, I came to the back of the book where the very last “Reflection on First Corinthians” is “insights about love”.

Again You affirm some of my thoughts. Love is more than an emotion. We aren’t to just stop there. This particular insight says that in these verses Paul “defined love as a commitment to act in a certain way toward others.” The section I had underlined from a previous time I heard from You on this subject goes further in encouraging loving conduct. “We may not be able to conjure up the emotions and feelings of love, but we can certainly practice the behaviors he [Paul] listed in these verses.”

Thank You for verifying and reminding me of this so early on this morning Lord. As the commentator continues, I am further challenged to change [or perhaps GROW] from my almost automatic responses of frustration and irritation by remembering “The apostle knew that when we behave in loving ways, feelings of love soon follow.” [I must keep in mind here that Your idea of ‘soon’ and my idea of it are by no means the same]

Lord, You are so good to us! Because You saw each of us long before we were ever born (Psalm 139:13-16) You knew that we would have need of knowing what love really looks like. I have to confess to You Lord, I truly believe that I pretend love far more than I practice it. Would that be a true and accurate thought?

In Paul’s detailed description, he lists “Love is very patient and kind, never jealous, or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.” Nowhere in this do I read many of my actions. No. It does NOT say, “Love tolerates others and puts up with them on occasion.”

Lord, I have this very real feeling that ‘pretending’ to be or do any of these is NOT the same as ‘practicing’ them. Help me in this Dear Lord. I want desperately to be a kind and loving person. I want to do to others as I want them to do to me. (Matthew 7:12) I don’t want to keep pretending to love. I want to truly love. As You would have me love! Deeply. Freely. Truly. Keep working in me I pray Dear Lord. I love You. Amen.

(495 words ~ 7:35 a.m.)

Blessed Trinity

Friday, June 19, 2009 (6:43 a.m.)

“Holy, holy, holy!

“Lord God Almighty! Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee; Holy, holy, holy! Merciful and mighty! God in three Persons, blessed Trinity!”

Beloved Lord, again You amaze me! All the nightlong I was ‘preparing’ my time here with You. Thoughts of which song I would sing and what verses to look up. Thank You that You won’t be manipulated like that!

Thank You that when I come before You empty of my plans and ideas that’s when You fill (and THRILL) me with Yours!

Not using the word ‘fatigue’ as I had intended, but instead searching out articles and definitions for ‘trinity’ and I am sitting here basking, not only in the light of the sun, but the true Light of Your Son. Thank You Lord.

Coming before You without my own agenda allows me the opportunity to search Your Word about ‘truth’. Heading to the ‘prescribed’ verses (Psalm 119:142 and John 17:17) I am drawn to others instead. Psalm 119:143, 144 “Trouble and distress have come upon me, but Your commands are my delight. Your statutes are forever right; give me understanding that I may live.”

Is this not exactly what I was praying last night and earlier this morning when I was confessing to You how much of what I’ve thought and believed through the years has not turned out at all like I was so sure it would?

Thank You Lord that You alone art holy. Thank You that You alone are good. Thank You that because of that, we know exactly where to come for comfort, strength and answers. To You. To Your Word!

“I love You Lord and I lift my voice To worship You oh my soul rejoice! Take joy my King in what You hear May it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear.”

Would You look at that! Seemingly out of nowhere. Not pre-rehearsed. Just straight from my heart like it’s supposed to be. The song I had planned to start with. Thank You Father that You DO know best!

All my questioning, doubting and fearing that took place last night as I lay truly fatigued and unable to sleep all seem to have vanished in the Light of Your Word. Even the psalmist knew (30:5b) “But joy [comes] in the morning.” Yes Lord! Thank You.

Seeking to learn more this morning about Your Blessed Trinity and Your Truth I was able to reread Jesus’ words to His disciples. In John 16 He foretold the work of the Holy Spirit and promised that their grief would turn to joy. Verse 33 especially offers this comforting truth, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

I confess to You Dear Lord. I keep trying to manipulate the outcome to things. I want to work people, places and things so that everything comes just as I think I desire. Do it Your way instead Dear Lord! You know so much better than I what is best. Keep working in me and through me, making me into the woman You originally created me to be. You are so perfect and so good, You can’t help but see all the faults and frailties that reside within me. Help me learn to not only let them go, but not to want them anymore.

I love You so much Dear Lord. Thank You for this time together this morning. Amen.

(594 words ~ 7:53 a.m.)

musical morning

Thursday, June 18, 2009 (6:41 a.m.)

God of grace,

“… and God of glory, On Thy people pour Thy power…” (Joshua 1:9) Oh most dear and blessed God, thank You for all You’ve provided us. Friends, family, loved ones. Challenges, Your Word, Your Son, Your hope, Your love. Your will, Your way. All meant to help us become all that You have for us to become. Thank You Lord.

“What a privilege to carry Everything to You in prayer!” (Philippians 4:6) What a musical morning this has started out to be.

Just yesterday I got to share thoughts concerning life in You with a friend, both of us reiterating the fact that Your Word still speaks. Hebrews 4:12, “For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (NIV) “… cutting swift and deep into our innermost thoughts and desires with all their parts, exposing us for what we really are.” (TLB)

How grateful I am to come before You Lord “Just as I am, without one plea But that Thy blood was shed for me” (John 6:37). The comfort, strength, peace, hope, rest… that I get to experience in coming before You is such that I never want to leave. Truly Lord, You ARE an awesome and incredible God!

Thank You Lord, that even though I believe I falter and fail ever so much more than I succeed, here You are reminding me that I am “precious in Your sight” (Matthew 19:14). With all the songs that keep coming to me this morning Lord it is one based on Deuteronomy 11:1 that seems to stick closest to my heart right now.

As I continue to judge myself (harshly and perhaps a tad unfairly at times) I continue counting my misses, rather than my ‘wins’. Help me with this Dear Lord. Reading comments to chapter 10 verse one I am again encouraged that I am not the only one out here making mistakes, “The first stone tablets containing the law had been completely destroyed because of the people’s failure. How encouraging to see that God instructed Moses to bring new ones so He could rewrite His instructions to the people. No matter how great our failures, God still seeks to reach out to us. God always gives humble people a chance to start again But remember: this is a character of God (another glimpse of grace!) that should be appreciated, not presumed upon.”

As many times as I get hopeful in a thought like this, I immediately become afraid that I’m taking You for granted again. And almost just as fast, “Fear not!” and “Do not be afraid”, “Be of good courage” and like verses come to mind. Lord, I confess that I think I stink at representing You well. I fall short so very many times. How I ask that You will keep working in me.

And now to the commentary for the ‘right’ verse (11:1) “Obedience (this is where I think I do a lousy job!) to God’s instructions comes after the growth of our love-relationship with Him (maybe that’s it – I’m still growing in this area!) Love for God is a major motivating force in our obedience to the civil, ceremonial, and moral obligations He requests of us (the ones I don’t fully understand, as well as the ones I knowingly and carelessly don’t follow!). Our love and obedience should be a natural response to the love He has shown to us.” Which bring me all the way back to the last song for our time together here this morning.

“Day by day, day by day, O, dear Lord, three things I pray: To see Thee more clearly, Love Thee more dearly, Follow Thee more nearly, Day by day.”

Ah, yes Lord, let me take this musical time into the rest of the day. I love You so very much! Amen.

(670 words ~ 7:53 a.m.)

predictably

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 (7:47 a.m.)

Blessed God,

Thank You. Thank You for an hour of extra sleep. Thank You for the early morning time spent with ‘the Kid’ before his next to last day of his junior year of high school. Thanks too for the time spent with You yesterday that helped me have an inspiring video to share with him after his own disappointing reaction to his final Algebra II grade.

Lord, I’m confessing to You that I don’t know how to motivate myself or others into doing our best. Heck. Half the time I’m not even sure what ‘the best’ really looks like. I used to think I knew. Being the rule follower that I am, it’s easy to fall back into thinking that if I just cover all the bases, dot all the ‘i’s and cross all the ‘t’s that we’ll all turn out just fine.

Thank You God (wow, I think this is the first time that I’m ever saying this) that You don’t work predictably. Even here, I thought we were going to be talking about Your best for us but no it’s Job 5:7 that has my eye. “People are born for trouble as predictably as sparks fly upward from a fire.” (NLT) Or as The Living Bible puts it, “Mankind heads for sin and misery as predictably as flames shoot upwards from a fire.”

Yes Lord, thank You! Thank You that I get to keep coming back to Your Word. Oh my goodness Lord! It’s just right now, this very moment that I caught another glimpse of Your grace. The “Aha!” to beat all ‘aha’s! My continual trying to follow things to a tee, is so representative of the people of Moses attempting to keep to the letter of the Law. Thank You Lord!

Revisiting the book of Job I am reminded that ‘through suffering we can learn to live by faith rather than our own strength.’ The (Life Recovery Bible) commentators to this book also added “We must learn to trust God and stay faithful to Him even if we never receive an explanation for our suffering.” And “We need to persevere in our trust and realize that God’s will for us will ultimately bring us great joy.”

It is in this vein I pray this morning Lord. I pray confessing that anymore I get confused. I often can’t tell up from down, or the forest for the trees. But through it all You are still a good and righteous God. And that (in You!) is exactly where I need to put all my faith and hope and love. I can’t follow all the rules. I’m bound to break some of the ones of which I am aware and not even know about some of the others. Thank You that You, Your Son, Your Holy Spirit and Your Word all work together to make me whole. Thank You that You alone art worthy. You alone art holy. I can never be ‘good enough’, but You always have been. Thank You Lord! I love You. Amen.

(510 words ~ 8:52 a.m.)

Teach me

Tuesday, June 16, 2009 (6:24 a.m.)

Most Holy God,

Not only am I here to thank and praise You, but also to worship and adore You. Humbly, honestly and wholeheartedly I am asking You to teach me how. Lord, I watch You work and am amazed. Teach me to take that amazement with me everywhere I go.

I want to share You better Lord. I want to be more authentically me. You know who You created me to be. I keep hedging myself. Recently I’ve become more aware of my desire for other people’s approval and validation. Instead, I want to learn how to seek and be satisfied having it come from You Oh Lord (our Lord…) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUQDtrLUSIQ

Most Blessed God, I love how You call to me to get my attention. So often I run around busying myself, not giving You any mind. Oh, but when I slow, there You are. Smiling? With a nod of Your head? Softly uttering, “Finally, she’s getting it.” That is how I imagine Your patience with me at times. Thank You God. Thank You that You have far more for me than I could ever hope to think to ask.

I turn in Your Word and it almost feels like that day in a candy store a few weeks back when Terry, Justin and I kept calling out to one another, “Come over here. You’ve got to see this!” Right now I’m in Psalm 119. There are arrows, underlines, brackets, exclamation marks and dates that I’ve put throughout this chapter through the years. Today I add more. Darker, more pronounced.

Starting with verse 64, “O Lord, the earth is full of your loving-kindness! Teach me Your good paths.” Continuing through verse 68, “Lord, I am overflowing with Your blessings, just as You promised. Now teach me good judgment as well as knowledge. For Your laws are my guide. I used to wander off until You punished me; now I closely follow all You say [that is definitely the author of this particular Psalm speaking ‘cause I’m still not at the ‘all’ part of obedience yet]. You are good and do only good; make me follow Your lead.”

Yes Lord. Even here You’ve blessed me again! Looking for this particular song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaZ4Cjjts7E&feature=related You provided me this encouragement as well http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MuUrPbFzIo&feature=related

Thank You Lord. Teach me to use Your strength, Your power, Your love to Your glory. I love You Lord. Thank You. Amen.

(410 words ~ 8:30 a.m.)

protective

Monday, June 15, 2009 (6:57 a.m.)

Beloved Lord God,

I love You. I want to be honest with You this morning and starting with ‘I love You’ is easy for me. Why is that?

Already today I’ve grumbled and griped and carried on about so many other things in my mind, but when I sit down with You none of it seems important enough to mention. Thank You for that Dear Lord. I want to be grateful. You know that I have far more than what I need for which to be thankful. Thank You for Your provision and Your presence. Thank You that all the thoughts I concern myself with on a regular basis don’t even come to mind as I sit here with You. Thank You Lord for Your protective love (Psalm 121:5).

Lord, I can’t even begin to adequately thank You for allowing me to ramble on and on with You until a certain word or thought comes along. ‘Protective’. I keep thinking I should be strong enough, wise enough, committed enough to do and think and feel and be (Mark 12:30) all that You would have me doing and thinking, feeling and being. But that isn’t it, is it Lord?

All my strength, all my resources come from You. These are not things I can manufacture on my own. They only come from me coming before You weak and pitiful asking for more strength, more power, more courage just to get me through the day.

Again I confess to not knowing how to live freely, abundantly, courageously. I fear. I doubt. I second guess. I realize You have more for me than that. I’m still stuck in not utilizing my full potential. And I’m coming right straight to You about it.

I could type all the ‘right’ words. I could pretend to You and everyone else that all is as I want it. But You know my heart Dear Lord. You know me through and through (Psalm 139). And the really cool thing about it is that You love me anyway! Thank You Lord.

No. All is not going as I wish it were. There are challenges and struggles for which I feel embarrassed and ashamed, because after all, I should be passed all this by now. My plan was to become a Christian, do all the ‘right’ things, get gold stars by my name at every turn and live happily ever after. The ‘choose your own ending’ book I seem to be living doesn’t appear to have these options in it. But You are indeed an awesome God! And every time I think I couldn’t possibly take any more disappointment or disapproval (mostly from myself) here You are to remind me that You indeed are ‘the author and finisher of our faith’ (Hebrews 12:2). So with yet another glimpse of Your grace, I can go and face another day with all its struggles and challenges, disappointments and disapprovals, knowing, trusting, firmly believing that through it all I am becoming more of who You created me to be.

Part of me wants to apologize to You for taking so long to learn the truths You would have me live, but another part wants to trust and believe that this too falls under Your protective plan (Jeremiah 29:11). I love You Lord. And I thank You for all You are and all You do. Thank You Lord. Amen.

(569 words ~ 7:58 a.m.)

adjusting

Sunday, June 14, 2009 (6:08 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

Thank You! I just got a whole extra hour. Thinking that it was already seven and that I was going to need to rush though this time with You to get on with the day, when I saw that it was only six my first thought was that I could go right back to bed. Thank You for keeping me here with You instead.

Lord, I’m confessing that it’s still taking me time to adjust to being home. I have yet to find a rhythm that doesn’t leave me exhausted at the end of the day. I also confess to the extremely negative two-year type whining I’ve been doing concerning things that I don’t want to involve myself in. Lord, I truly do want to grow into the woman You would have me be.

Searching Your Word, longing to read what You have for me today. I seem to be finding a degree of hope and strength (another glimpse of grace) in 2 Corinthians. Far more than a degree with every word I read.

Lord, thank You for Your faithful followers of the past who wrote Your words all those years ago that we would have them today to apply to our daily lives. Thank You that You wanted us to know that there were going to be false teachers among us and that we would need to be able to recognize You and Your truth.

Thank You that in verse after verse we are reminded that we are not alone in our thoughts or our feelings. Others have thought and felt these things but by Your power we are given ‘the strength to endure’ (1:7). As I continue twisting and turning things in my head, I am going to practice passing them over to You to sort out for me Lord.

I love You so much Dear Lord. I want to serve You as You desire. Provide for me the serenity, the courage and the wisdom I need to be and do all that You have in store for me this day. I love You Lord. Thank You for extra time to adjust my attitude and my heart. Thank You Lord. Amen.

(370 words ~ 7:18 a.m.)

Scrunched

Saturday, June 13, 2009 (7:38 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

Do I start out by singing “I love You Lord and I lift my voice…” as I had planned in the kitchen? Or by relishing the fact that I’m sitting here with You scrunched in the middle of some of Justin’s things? Yeah, ‘scrunched’ it is.

Lord, I truly thought I was coming in here to sing and ask You to again direct me in the fine art of balancing my life (and our stuff). Ah, but instead, by being willing to alter my plans to include Your leadership and guidance I’m being given what I truly desire – another glimpse of grace! YOUR grace! Thank You Lord!

Thank You for being willing to speak to each of us loud and strong and clear. Thank You for giving us ears with which to hear and eyes to see, albeit sometimes much more clearly than others.

With no surprise whatsoever, I didn’t find the word ‘scrunched’ at blueletterbible.org I did use the word squeezed (thanks to the thesaurus) and ended up reading the story of Balaam and his donkey. When I have referred to myself in the past as having been as stubborn as a mule perhaps a much more accurate depiction would be that of Balaam!

As if reading this story again hasn’t been enlightening (and filled with grace) enough in itself, I have also been directed over to James 1:2-5 where I was drawn to search out the word ‘pressed’. 2 Corinthians 4:8 comforts me in that “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit.”

Lord, reentry into every day life isn’t going as smoothly as I would have it. I feel lazy and overwhelmed. I am being harsh and critical of myself which leads to my putting on a false front so that those around me won’t see me crumbling under the pressure of not

following through with some unrealistic expectation that I have concocted for myself.

Thank You Lord that just that easily again I am singing to You - complete with music added J http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh357.sht

The smiles You bring to my face, the peace You provide my heart are such bigger glimpses of Your grace than I had even considered. Thank You for taking me in directions that I could not imagine on my own. Empower me to live this day as You would have me live it – enjoying and glorifying You! Now that would truly be ‘another glimpse of grace’.

Thank You Lord. Allow me to feel ‘scrunched’ for as long as it serves Your purpose. I love You! Amen.

(456 words ~ 8:34 a.m.)

fear (again)

Friday, June 12, 2009 (5:15 p.m.)

Blessed Lord,

I’ve put it off again; my time alone with You today. It should have happened hours ago but I thought I could squeak by with an, “I’m too tired” approach. NOT! Bad idea!

First off, I missed being with You! And next, I’ve been becoming more and more sluggish as the day has worn on. Insecurities have cropped up. Thoughts of negativity and harsh judgments keep coming back to mind.

Thank You that You want more for me than this! Thank You that although You weren’t my first place to visit today, You are here now when I have finally gotten around to it. Thank You for Your patience with me. Thank You for Your love and Your goodness and Your grace. Thank You that these things are not based on my comings or goings or on my decision-making processes. No. They come from You being a good and faithful God. Your love (joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control Galatians 5:22,23a) comes to us through your Holy Spirit because You alone are good. You alone art God (Deuteronomy 6:4).

Lord, I’m asking You to forgive this very first ‘blog’ attempt I am making. I don’t know for sure that it’s even something that You would have me do. Guide and direct me. Let me know YOUR desire in this because I can tell You straight out that my own first reaction is fear (and we both know how easily I can get sidelined by that).

I love You Lord. I want to know You more, serve You better. Lead me that I will follow. Guide me so I will know Your will in this. Be with us as we interact as a family tonight. Provide all that we need to enjoy one another and to glorify You in the process. I truly do love You Lord. Thank You for such an honor of being Your child. Let me not take it for granted, as I am so prone to do. Keep working in me. Continue stretching me. Thank You for the privilege of being loved by You. I am not worthy, but You are and I am made in Your image so I’m going to practice trusting You and moving ahead one baby step at a time. Thank You for loving me so much, as only You can! I love You. Amen.

(404 words ~ 5:57 p.m.)

Scared!

Even the idea of starting this scares me, but here goes...