fearing God

Thursday, November 10, 2016 (2:27 a.m.)

Holy God,

This seems to be my new normal hour for awhile. Today I can say thank You. Yesterday I wasn't willing.

Yes, Father. Thank You for the sleep I did get. Thank You that You are good. And kind. Thank You that You know what You are doing. Thank You that I get to trust You.

Thank You that I get to read in Your Word and of Your Word. Thank You that we are called to lean not on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5b). To trust in You (5a). In all our ways acknowledge You (6a) that You will direct our path (6b).

Forgive my self-indulgence yesterday. I made a conscious decision to sit on the couch watching hour after hour of previously recorded television while eating whatever came to mind. It was my own misguided way of attempting to avoid feelings of sadness and despair.

Thank You that You are our much better Way!

(6:14 a.m.)

Hours later and I'm still thankful.

Father, I love You. I love that I get to love You. My thoughts scatter. Too often they lean to all that I am not. I'm here asking You to focus my thinking.

(7:05 a.m.)

And again, I'm back.

Start. Stop. Distract. Think. Sing. Pray. Each in snippets. Nothing long enough on which to build.

I keep practicing avoidance. I don't want to be honest. I'm trying to say what I think You might like to hear. Let me confess instead.

Father God, I have a pricey/time consuming decision to make. I don't want to make a mistake. There are pros and cons. I lean one way and then the other. Trusting You is what I long to do.

So I'm here asking You to guide me in confidence. Mm. And here's a smile. The Message, 1 Corinthians 10:12 “Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence.”

Come to find out, it's not the first time I've read this verse! Go figure, huh?

Father God, I feel myself agonizing over the way my thoughts go so strongly in one direction, only to be equally strong in another. James 1:5-8 comes quickly to mind. As does the playground song from my childhood ♫Did You Ever See A Lassie... go this way and that?♫

Thank You that in the midst of all this indecision another song sings out to me. ♫Trust in the Lord With all your heart And lean not on your own understanding In all your ways acknowledge Him And He shall direct your path♫

I confess to You the fear I feel over decision making. Just days ago I made the statement that international travel had taught me that I do not need to be afraid. Let the only fear I have be based on fully esteeming and revering You!

(12:36 p.m.)

More side tracks. Some baby steps of progress. And me still asking You to continue Your teachings in me of what it truly is to fear You and acquire the beginning of wisdom (Psalm 111:10, Proverbs 1:7; 3:5; 9:10; 14:26-27; 15:33).

Thank You that You provide everything we need to make good decisions. Let all my hope truly be found in fearing and trusting You. Thank You Dearest Father. I love You. Amen.

(547 words ~ 12:57 p.m.)