God at work!

Friday, October 25, 2013 (5:47 a.m.)

Most Dear and Holy God,

Thank You! Thank You for ALL the work You are doing around here in and through us. The happy thing is I can see Your hand in all this. The sad thing is superficially we have gone from bad to so much worse.

Cupboards have been opened. Skeletons are coming out of the closets. The mess. The shame. The secret. It's out here all around me. And there's one aspect of myself that has never felt freer.

Father, forgive me for wanting it all to magically go away. For the very most part I don't want to have to deal with any of it. But You are at work. Without a doubt. Unequivocally. Decisions are being made. Work is being done. By You first.

Talk with me this morning about the shame I often feel for not being like everyone else. Or about the fact that You truly did make me unusually unusual. I like that. “Fearfully and wonderfully made”.

Mm. Reading all of Psalm 139 I am comforted. Reminded that You are everywhere. Even (especially?) in the midst of this mess. I can't run away from You. Why would I want to?

Comments in The Life Recovery Bible remind me that You are not limited by time or space. “He works with us day and night to strengthen and encourage us.” How glorious is that?

Now the tears are forming. “The power of our dependencies is often rooted in our low self-esteem.” (Gee, do You think?) I'm truly not being flippant Father. The reality of Your love for each and every one of us never ceases to amaze me.

“These verses (139:13-18) reveal an exciting fact: each of us is an amazing creature – wonderfully made!” Father I get hopeful about that Truth every time I take long enough to consider its ramifications.

Words here describe how low self-esteem was taught to us. Believing the 'not good enough' judgment of others can definitely lead us “into any number of destructive methods for dealing with the pain.”

But the Good News is... we don't have to stay there! We can choose to focus on what Your Word says. “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit them together in my mother's womb” (v. 13). YOU created me! “Thank You for making me so wonderfully complex! It is amazing to think about. Your workmanship is marvelous – and how well I know it” (14).

You are my Good News, Father. You are my hope. You keep speaking Your Truth into me. I get to read more and more of Your Word and tears start to fall again. Spending time with You, believing that I don't have to stay stuck in old patterns, standing firmly on Your promises to never leave nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5) it's so much Father!

The tears aren't stopping and now the nose is running. There's so much hope to be found digging around in Your Word. The comment for Hebrews 13:1-6 says, “This section lists a series of practical commands for faithfulness in service to others, in the marriage relationship, and in attitudes toward possessions. This faithfulness is based on God's empowerment and protection.”

You are entirely in control Blessed Father. And Your Truth brings me perfectly back to Psalm 139. The Serenity Prayer devotional for this includes, “Saying we are God's 'workmanship' means that we are unique and beautiful masterpieces – works of divine poetry. Beauty and value are designed into our very fiber, by virtue of our Creator.”

I can't doubt this without insulting You. Keep up Your incredibly good and faithful work in me I pray. “One important step in our recovery is to allow God to remove self-hatred, helping us to value ourself for who we are. And this has been true since the time in our mother's womb, long before we could do anything to earn it! As we begin to see how unique and special we are – embraced and accepted by God Himself – our strides toward recovery should grow faster and longer.”

I trust You Father. You have given me every reason throughout the years to fully open my arms, heart, mind and soul to Your teachings. I close our time here together asking in line with David's words to You, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test my thoughts. Point out anything You find in me that makes You sad, and lead me along the path of everlasting life” (Psalm 139:23-24).

Yes Father. Search me, though this chaos, that I would truly come to see myself as You do. Holy. Blameless (Ephesians 1:4). Remove from me that which does not serve You well. I love You so very much Dearest Father. Thank You for loving me first (1 John 4:19). Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(817 words ~ 7:14 a.m.)