"be a Barnabas"

Friday, April 5, 2013 (7:23 a.m.)

Awesome God,

♫If they could see me now...♫ This sang to me all through the late night and early morning.

Sunday, April 7, 2013 (7:06 a.m.)

...and I couldn't stay focused. I tried to read something into it. I wanted to have it come from You. Even now, with the tune of ♫Unchained Melody♫

Monday, April 8, 2013 (5:26 a.m.)

At least this morning I am up before the sun. I don't know if that will get me any closer to finishing. I think not when my thoughts so far have been, “I don't want to” and “Do I have to?”.

Father, You alone know what is going on with me. 'Out of control' comes to mind. As does 'not caring'. What is it going to take for me to take that first step toward caring?

That's the word Father! I desperately want to care. Yesterday in church [thank You very much that we finally did go] I heard the word 'chained' and thought back to the first song of the day.

(7:17 a.m.)

“Try again.” “What's it going to take?” “How do I stay here?” Father, I do not have what it takes to finish well. My thoughts too often take me down a rabbit hole. I find myself lost.

(9:19 a.m.)

Now here I am! Not only in the flesh, but with my heart and mind and soul (Mark 12:30) as well. Thank You Father. Thank You!

It has taken several days and a lot of instances to get me where I am right now and I thank You for Your patience with me. Yesterday I remembered the importance to “Be still and know” that You are God (Psalm 46:10). Too often I see my stillness as weakness, even laziness.

Ah, but You just reminded me of all the little things You've been letting me learn these past few days. Thank You Father. Thank You God!!!

First off, on Saturday when I didn't even show up here with You, I shared You and Your love with the 'witnesses' who came to our door. For every Bible verse they shared with me, I had one to share with them. This was not something I had planned. I usually don't even answer the door to them. But there I was, barefoot, in my morning robe telling them of the importance of starting my day reading in and standing on Your Word.

When I was asked what my thoughts were of the pamphlets they have left for me in the past, I took the time and confessed my struggle in finding the answer I wanted to use. “Nothing to conflict with what I've been taught.” I shared our place of worship with them. I told these two gentlemen of the postings of my prayer time with You.

Upon the reading of Your Word, I erupted with a resounding, “Amen!” As the larger of the two men opened His Bible, the taller opened his as well. When I asked to use the first's, the second's eyes widened. Both thanked me for my time and said how refreshing it was to have a neighbor willing to speak of my faith with them. Something they don't get a lot of.

YOU did that Father! It was YOU who so willingly opened the door to them. You who gave me the verses to share with them. Thank You Father. Thank You!

Now we are on to yesterday. I didn't necessarily want to go to the early service but the opportunity to worship with our son was not one I wanted to miss. A bonus to the willingness of being there was this description of Esther, “Her meekness – her quiet, gentle strength – saved the Jewish people. It is a reminder that meekness is not weakness, but strength under the control of the Holy Spirit.” Oh, amen!

And just now I read this by Greg Laurie, concerning the suicide of Matthew Warren, “At times like these, there really are no words, but there is the Word.
There is no manual, but there is Emmanuel.
God is with us.” Father, You send us reminders all the time.

As I prepare to finally end this time with You once again I am hopeful. While my hope truly is in You (Psalm 25; Romans 15:13) I am asking You to fulfill Your work in me. The desire to serve and represent You well is deep. As is the want to “be a Barnabas” (Acts 4:36).

Full of hope I leave this time with You; asking, seeking, knocking (Matthew 7:7-11) that You lead me exactly where You would have me this day. Give me Your power and strength to persevere in what You have for me. I love You Father. And I thank You so very much. Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(811 words ~ 10:33 a.m.)