grumble / gripe -> "I love You. Thank You. Amen."

Thursday, April 12, 2012 (12:21 p.m.)

Awesome, Incredible God,

I’m coming to You with a struggle. A battle I’m having right here within myself. I keep going back and forth between feeling down

Saturday, April 14, 2012 (10:09 a.m.)

And here I am again. Pretty much same mood, different day. I keep thinking. Wanting to feel differently. Wondering if I’m learning some great, deep life lesson. And then remembering that, it’s ‘not by might nor by power but by Your Spirit’ (Zechariah 4:6).

Ah, Blessed Lord, thank You! A hint of a smile. A spark of hope. A reason to again be glad.

I confess to You Most Blessed One, to once more attempting to hide in plain sight. I got tired again. Of wanting things different than they are. I even went so far as to search Your Word for verses containing the words ‘grump’ and ‘gripe’.

You saw the degree of irony I noted on Thursday from finding both words used alternately in different translations for the same verse. Jude 1:16 talks about grumblers and gripers. Faultfinders. It was verse twenty that led me to think about hoping in You.

“But you, dear friends, must build up your lives ever more strongly upon the foundation of our most holy faith, learning to pray in the power and strength of the Holy Spirit.” Truly Father, I want this! Desperately. Yet I find it so much easier to quit. Hoping. Praising. Wanting. Desiring.

So I fell back into avoiding. You. Me. Loved ones. All the way until again, just now remembering Your words spoken through Zechariah, I want to substitute my name for the one listed. “This is God’s message to Zerubbabel”.

As I sit here with tears brimming and waiting to fall, I turn to Hebrews 11:1 to remind myself of what Your Word has to say about faith. “What is faith? It is the confident assurance that something is going to happen. It is the certainty that what we hope for is waiting for us, even though we cannot see it up ahead.”

Father. Your have NEVER let me down. My own thoughts, desires, actions have often led me astray. But not You. Thank You. Thank You for Your patience to wait for me to again come back to You. Dragging my tail behind me.

Thank You for Your willingness to forgive me my impatience. My inability to stay the course on my own. I need You! You’re always here. I’m the one who runs away. Gives up. Doesn’t care. You never do. Thank You that You provide so very much more than I could ever even begin to hope to deserve. You are good and faithful. Always. I am not.

Back to Your message through Zechariah, “Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord Almighty – you will succeed because of my Spirit, though you are few and weak.”

Most awesome and blessed Father, I cannot do any of the things I desperately want to accomplish on my own. I keep trying to forge ahead without You. Thank You for reminding me that I am going to keep getting absolutely to the wrong place as long as I insist on going on in my own strength and power.

Thank You for Your patience. Your love. Your mercy. Your grace. Your plan. Ply me exactly as You desire. Do all You have to in and through me to change my will to Yours. I love You far too much to continue avoiding You. Thank You for continuing to call my name until I am willing to answer. I love You so very much. Forgive my bull-headed, stubborn heart. Change and use it as You wish. I love You. Thank You. Amen.

(626 words ~ 11:03 a.m.)