sad

Sunday, January 30, 2011 (10:14 p.m.)

Loving Lord,

I’m here again because I’m feeling sad. REALLY sad. So much sadder than I’ve felt in such a very long time and I don’t know what to do with it. So I’m here. With You. And just like that I feel better. Less alone.

Thank You Lord. Thank You that as sad as I may feel at any given moment I get to come before You and confess it straight out loud [in this case, in print J] and I feel less desperate. Or is it more desperate? No. No. It’s less. WAY less desperate.

So Lord. Let me tell You how very much I love You. You cover me with Your goodness and Your grace. You let me come before You and literally pour my heart out to You. I don’t even have to spell anything out and the tears just start falling. Yet, at the very same time I know You are buoying me up. Thank You Lord!

I turn to Ezekiel 19 and read this “sad song, a text for singing the blues” (v.10 TLB) and I reaffirm my commitment to trusting You. You ARE our very good God! I read Your Word and I smile. I cling. I hope. I believe. I trust. And I pray Lord. Asking that ‘You will give me a new heart – new and right desires – and put a new spirit within me. Take out my stony heart of sin and give me a new heart of love’ (Ezekiel 36:26).

Do this Lord that I can forgive myself for being so blessed and feeling so sad. You know my hurting heart Dear Lord. You know my reeling mind. I come directly to You to break the past patterns of behaviors. Instead of score keeping and grudge holding Lord I am asking specifically for Your gift of forgiveness. I ask You to forgive me that I will forgive others, as well as myself. Keep working in me Lord. Making me more and more into the woman You have always wanted me to be.

Thank You for being here with me and for me Dearest Lord. I love You. I need You. I want You. And I thank You. So incredibly much. Thank You. Amen.

(381 words ~ 11:37 p.m.)