haughty

Friday, September 3, 2010 (6:35 a.m.)

Oh Your Goodness Lord,

Oh Your great and glorious goodness! Thank You Lord! After all these years I have finally gotten another glimpse of understanding of the word haughty. To which I can only say, “Ouch!” L

Lord, I don’t like seeing myself in such an unflattering light. “Arrogantly superior and disdainful”. Oh dearest Lord, how very long have I so strongly resembled that word?

My first recollection of even wondering what it meant was upon reading it in my Life Recovery Bible fifteen years ago. After first receiving this edition of The Living Bible I remember wondering what in the world 1 Corinthians 13:5 meant by love is “never haughty”. Although I believed I had a good understanding of the end of the verse, “or selfish or rude” it wasn’t until this very morning upon awakening that the “Aha!” light bulb went on for me.

Lord, I feel so embarrassed and ashamed! This past week I have been revisiting my memories of myself as a much younger wife and mother. I had quite a few opinions, theories and especially rather harsh judgments concerning the women role models of my youth. My grandma, mom and mother-in-law come immediately to mind as I consider my haughtiness in planning (and fully expecting) to do SUCH a much better job at listening to and raising our children, being attentive to my husband, etc.

Let me sum it all up right here, right now. NOT! I didn’t know what I thought I knew Lord. I was haughty. No two ways about it. Even if by chance it didn’t show outwardly, I know very well in my heart of hearts that I was absolutely, positively, without a doubt haughty. Forgive me Lord. I could try to use my own immaturity or insecurity as an attempt of excusing myself, but the bottom line is that in working so hard to get myself up on a pedestal of my own making, I would have only been putting myself in a position to look down on another. Not at all what Paul described as love to the Corinthians in his first letter to them.

I want to be a loving person Lord. Not in comparison to anyone else. Not in any attempt to look so good to others. No Lord. I want to love You and others because that is what You created me to do. It is far more than obvious that I can’t do this by myself. But You, being the loving, perfect God that You are can do it in me and through me. Teach me to love Lord, as You would have me love. Purely. Genuinely. Freely.

I love You so much dearest Lord. Help me love others and myself as well. Thank You for another glimpse of grace. Your grace, Lord. I love You. Amen.

(476 words ~ 7:27 a.m.)